The final frontier…

I’m going to the end the year with a front. It’s only fitting. Mainly because I have too much to say and don’t feel like back dating posts or elaborating too much for your entertainment. This is my belated gift to you. And you’re most welcome.

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Mom and New Moon

Took mom to see NM (FINALLY!!!). She like it more than Twilight, which really, is a given. As much as I love the Twilight, the movie is cheesy, and in some scenes painful to watch. The main redeeming quality is the delicious Edward, all sparkly, intense, and brooding. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of him.

Anyways…back to mom and NM. So, mom is fun to take to the movies. She moans and groans loudly with each preview claiming “THIS IS BULLSHIT!!” When the movie starts she usually shouts a “finally”. This time was no different. The movie starts rolling, she complains that Edwards is too pasty and they need to change his make-up. Hello, mom, he’s a vampire, he’s supposed to be pale and dead like. Then there’s some girls sitting up front that start snickering at little parts, mom says she doesn’t get why they are giggling, I try to explain they are 12/13 they giggle at things, mom says they should shut up. When the wolves make their appearance, mom actually starts laughing out loud, saying they look like hairy pigs. I lean over to her and tell A) she’s not very quiet and B) she’s an ass. She quieted down. After the movie she told dad that she was embarrassing me. I said she wasn’t but she talks loudly and criticizes everything. It’s just a little annoying. She does not make for a fun movie partner.

Speaking of NM…

I saw it then the next day with CC. It was a Monday morning and we went to the first show, and we were the only 2 people there. It was nice. When the movie started, I sent a picture to Meanie:

Look at the sparkle!!!!!

and said that I wished she was there. And seeing that work was literally across the street she could have been there in less than 5 minutes, but she opted to work. What a loser.

Speaking of work…

Holy shit are things picking up. I’m actually busy. I’m not used to it, and I don’t know how much I like it. A couple of weeks ago the boss lady and 2 others came out to desert for three days to train me on a new process they want me to do. WOO HOO (and this is what’s keeping me busy, this new bit). We went to this stellar restaurant where I consumed an amazing Riesling that transported me back to Berlin 1999. (Which is the first time I had Riesling, sitting in this old restaurant with Alice (a lady in her 50’s that is extremely awesome, and was fun like us 19-21 year olds, but had some nice mothering components) talking about what was on our agenda for the next day, how much fun was being had, wanting to stay in Berlin for possibly forever…God I want to go back) (I’m actually on the hunt for that wine, I need it like one needs air or Edward.) The training was part work part play. And this time, I didn’t cry!!!! Thank God for small miracles.

DIXIE!!

I took mom to Dixie's Tupperware Party. And the GJ and partner came too!! And yes, this is the second time I've gone.....I knew that GJ was going to eat the show up, fo’ sho! And he did. Mom had a good time too, she laughed a lot. I even placed a little Tupperware order. Seriously people, if Dixie comes to your neck of the woods, see her. You will not be disappointed. Even though the general premise of the show is the same, it’s all interactive with the audience, and that makes each show special.

A memorable Christmas

Anything where GJ is present, I know there’s going to be talk afterwards. This Christmas did not disappoint. HOLY COW!! First GJP’s (GJ’s partner) chair broke. And I, being one to laugh at peoples pain, DIDN’T EVEN LAUGH!! Words cannot tell you how monumentous that is. Also GJ had an earth shattering conversation with Oma…

GJ: Well Oma, as we age, it’s not about sexual positions anymore, it’s about jewelry.

Oma: Well, I never was a sex kitten.

I almost shitted (or is it shat?) my pants right then and there.

I have NO clue how this conversation started, I was getting more cookies. I just walked into the kitchen with GJ’s arm around Oma, and he’s talking to her about sex positions. I didn’t even know that “sex kitten” was in Oma’s vocabulary.

BC42

Last time I fronted, I mentioned how I was reading Pride and Prejudice, well Tuschka said she want to read it with me, so I stopped reading it. We picked December 4th as the new start date. Okay, now I've been reading it for almost a month and I'm still not done!!! WTF!!!! I'm on chapter 38 (don't know what page I'm on because I'm reading it on the Kindle, and the book I have is a compilation of all of Jane Austen books, so I don't have a true indication of how much I've read so far and what's left), all I know is that I looked at the library and found that it's 60 chapters and just shy of 300 pages. It should not take me this long to read a book less than 300 pages. It should not take me this long to read a book less than 300 pages. I don’t know what the problem is, yes the language is a little different, and Jane certainly is wordy. It seems like everything I pick it up to read, I start to fall asleep. I’m not bored with the book, but I just can’t stay awake.

Tushcka’s only like on chapter 12. She totally sucks and is a HUGE slacker.

We decided, next BC42 will be a fun book. Right now, smart thinking books are overrated.

Mom's on Facebook!!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!

Music

I haven’t gotten anything new in awhile, but I feel like I should share some of my new music love with you. Expand your horizons (HITLER…I’M TALKING TO YOU!!!!). CD’s that I’ve had for a while and totally loving: Grizzly Bear, Veckatimest; Elbow, Seldom Seen Kid; Gomez, A New Tide and How We Operate; The New Moon Soundtrack (DUH!!!).

Some singles:

One Eskimo, Kandi. Seriously dudes, I’m loving it. Melody Gardot, Our Love is Easy. HOLY COW!!! I love her voice, it’s like velvet. Simply amazing. Rodrigo Y Gabriela, Buster Voodoo. WOW. Swell Season, Low Rising. Even though the song conveys trouble in paradise, the conviction in the voice, very HA CHA CHA.

Peeping Tom!

My blinds broke a couple of years ago, and were stuck at a particular angle that I thought meant I could look out, but not many could look in. Since I’m the Queen Procrastinator, I never felt the urge to get new ones. Until one morning two weeks ago, when I was walking fatty, and I looked up at my place. I had the light on in the entry, and given the angle of the blinds, I could see the entirety of my condo, to the front door. SHIT!! I have looked at my place before, but never when I had lights on. So the bug got up my butt to get new blinds…ASAP… And I did. This past weekend was a mini-renovating weekend. I got the blinds, I painted the repair work from the AC installation, did some cleaning up.

Anyways…now no one can look in unless I want them to…or if I forget to close the blinds.

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I believe that to be the highlights of the past couple of weeks.

May you all have a safe New Year!! I am going to stay home and pray to God that I finish P&P!!!

Rock out, like a sex kitten!

Christmas memories...

Merry Christmas Eve!!! Now, I'm not really a crazed Christmas person, and the older I've gotten the less exciting Christmas usually is for me.

Last year I believe I was home alone on the Eve, and I didn't do any interactions with people on Christmas day until late morning when PPE called me to wish me a merry (this was also the first time that PPE and I have ever actually talked with each other). I spent my morning reading I Love You, Beth Cooper and laughing my ass off.

Anyways....Christmas...not an exciting time.

Last year I shared some good times from Christmas past, and I thought I would share some more.

In high school, one of my glorious retail jobs was working in gift wrap at Marshall Fields. Gift Wrap was a bunch of fun. There was an interesting mix of ladies in GW, from retired school teachers, to ladies just wanting to work a bit because they were bored, to the high schoolers. Seasonal help was always interesting from LBM to this girl named Penny who was missing teeth and had her brother come to pick her up at work and reeked so much of pot, I think I got high from the fumes. Fun, fun times.

The high schoolers, were myself, MK, and KT. We became really good friends while working at Fields, and even kept in touch after we left the job, but life, after awhile, stepped in and we slowly lost contact. MK and I have gone in and out of contact, but after a while KT was totally MIA. Thanks to FB a couple of weeks back....guess who I found!?!?!?! My GW Girls.

Needless to say GW during the holidays was cuh-razy!!!! I said a couple of posts back I could work 40 hrs in 1 week while in school and still get homework done. I don't know how I did it, and I don't know if I really want to do it again.

The GW area was tucked away in a corner of the store, almost like an after thought. We were between the office and the stock room for china. The main wrapping area was what should have been storage, and we had a front greeting area that was all 'pretty' for customers (which where called guests). Along with wrapping, we had to do ship stuff too. And it was back in the shipping area that something happened, that MK and I would always laugh about...

People like to buy/ship fancy stuff. So we have a nice $200+ Waterford set of toasting flutes, we wrap it, then we bubble wrap it, then we peanut a box, plop in the flutes (that will probably never be used), and add more peanuts. Interesting I know!! So we would have bags and boxes of peanuts like 20 ft up, on China's high shelves, unused real estate that they so graciously shared with us. It was a high shipping day, and MK and I spent a good part of our Saturday or Sunday getting the shipping under control, while 5 others (wo)manned the wrapping. We needed more peanuts. I find the biggem ladder (that's like a staircase), and push it over to the big box of peanuts on the shelf. MK's on the ground to catch the box when I drop it. For some reason, this was always a 2 person job, and cumbersome. I climbed up the ladder, and grabbed the box. As I'm positioning and twisting myself to drop the box down to MK, I hear rain falling. I ask MK if she hears the rain too, thinking to myself driving home on ice covered streets is going to be a bitch. As I get out "MK is it raining??", MK is starting to say "L the peanuts are all falling out!!!". The bottom of the box wasn't taped shut and all the styrofoam was falling all on MK.

Styrofoam bits is a bitch to clean up, especially when high static cling is involved. And the amount that had fallen out was about half the box that was at least 5 ft tall probably a 3ft wide. It was a lot of crap to clean up.

To make matters worse the only think we could shovel everything with was one of the baby dust pans. I think we spent half out shift picking up styrofoam peanuts. The whole time MK kept saying "MK??? Is it raining???"

I'm sure you are thinking this is a lame story, but it still makes me laugh. Whenever MK and I would reconnect after a gap of MIA-ness, one of us would alway mention hearing rain.

Another fun GW time between the GW girls was when we decided to make shirts for ourselves. It was just when the "new technology" of printing on iron-on paper at home to make your own iron-on tshirts. And in the flare of CoEd Naked Tshirts, the GW slogan was "Gift Wrap: C'mon baby get in line, we can handle more than one package at a time." I can't remember which one of us came up with that brilliant saying, but it was good!! Weeny was working in Jrs at the time and we made one for her too...but she never really blended in the GW group, just like I really didn't blend in with her Jrs girls.

I can still wrap a mean present, and make some pretty bows. When I get a gift, that's been wrapped, I do a little critiquing in my mind.

Happy wrapping for those who still have presents to finish off...

Rock out with your wrapped cock out!

Happy F-ing Holidays...

Holiday Oma might have been on a hiatus last weekend, but she was in full force this weekend. I seriously can’t deal with it any more. And then there was a little ‘verbal altercation’, an almost accident, and the ‘great sauerkraut road trip 2009, weekend #2’.

First, let me say that when I got to Oma’s, the TV was at 63. SIXTY-FUCKING-THREE!!!! HEARING AID!!!!!! PLEASE GOD!!! All I want for Christmas is for Oma to get a hearing aid.

Where should I start first…altercation, accident, or sauerkraut??? I’m thinking sauerkraut. It’s a mood setter.

Every Christmas, minus maybe like 5, Oma makes sarma, or cabbage rolls for the laymen. The few times she hasn’t she made another sauerkraut dish, Szegediner Gulasch. It’s essentially the sarma but instead of having cabbage leaves rolled, you get the shaved sauerkraut, the meat cooked with the kraut, blah, blah, blah. This year Oma is not making the sarma but the Szegediner Gulasch. Both dishes make me want to vomit. Since we are making the Szegediner, we needed special sauerkraut…the holy grail of sauerkraut. Two weekends ago I took Oma to three stores on the hunt for the holy grail sauerkraut, but she didn’t like the price, the brands, or the look of the kraut. Last weekend we went to two stores by me. Finally, this weekend we went to not one, not two, not even three…but FOUR stores. The final store where the purchase was made…the first store we went to two weeks ago. I was feeling slightly enraged. The holy grail store for all your sauerkraut needs, approved by Oma: Cost Plus World Market. Now I can’t remember the brand, it’s German, and it’s not Gundelsheim… At stores 1-3, Oma kept asking me if the cabbage looked nice, will it taste good, blah, blah, blah. I tell her a million times over “I DON’T LIKE SAUERKRAUT!!!” Seriously it’s like a mixture of ass and vomit….if your ass could vomit, not poop, but actual vomit, that’s what sauerkraut smells and tastes like to me. Oh…and when we got home, what did Oma find deep in some cabinet crevasse?? FUCKING SAUERKRAUT!!!!

I almost killed myself right then and there.

So the Holy Grail store that carried the holy grail of sauerkraut is at a large outdoor shopping area, that at Christmas time is near to impossible to find parking. It’s a zoo…a mad house…a suicide mission. Especially the closer you get to Christmas. I told Oma that I will not be coming back to this location until mid-January, so get what you want now, because I’m not coming back. As we were leaving the parking lot from hell, is when my almost accident occurred. So I’m driving east on the main drag out. There is a car facing East, pulled up to the store-front curb on the westbound traffic side. This old kook decides she’s tired of waiting in front of the store or something and swings out in front of me. Almost clipping the front end of my car. I slam my breaks, honked my horn like 5 times, possibly dropped an f-bomb or 2, Oma was yelling in German (so she didn’t hear the bombs, thank God), and the goddamn fucking old lady FLIPPED ME OFF!!!!!!!!! ME!!!! She was the one that almost caused the accident, and she gave me the finger! Oma said I should “bump her one in the rear good and hard”….the places I could have gone with that, if I wasn’t already seeing red. Also in the back seat after the break slamming, the holy grail of all sauerkraut jostled around and came out of the bag. Oma was all “my kraut, my kraut! I hope the jars aren’t broken! My kraut, my kraut!!” I told her that since I couldn’t smell the vomitous –assy fumes, her kraut was just fine.

Which now leads to my little verbal altercation….Usually every Saturday involves a trip to the library with Oma. This Saturday was no exception. We stopped there prior to the final holy grail sauerkraut store. She picked her slew of books, and I check them out for her, since the library is all self check out now. All the little kiosks were in use, and I was standing off to the side waiting for one to open, and there’s a couple people behind me waiting too. This lady, from a different part of the library, goes up to one kiosk that’s out of service, as she’s walking back to her mother (who looks like she’s about Oma’s age) says something about it being out of service. As she in on her way, a person leaves one of the kiosks and I go up and start checking out. The lady made some snide comment about people not waiting their turn. Obviously directed towards me. I keep my mouth shut, but she keeps yammering on. Then the kiosk next to me open and the following proceeds:

Lady: Well, it’s my turn now to check out, unless someone else wants to cut in front of me and not wait their turn….

Me: Excuse me, ma’am, as much as I try to ignore passive aggressive snide comments, I think you should know there was a line forming over to the right…see those people there…we were there before you walked up. So you would be the one cutting in front of everyone.

Lady: Oh sure, whatever.

Me: Maybe you should check out a book about direct and effective communication. Happy holidays.

And I left. Granted my "happy holidays" was relaying a different tone, I was pissed. Seriously…like I live to cut in line at the fucking library. And what is this????? Fucking grade school?? Seriously. Fucking bitch.

I have a small history of public verbal altercations with strangers, but that’s a different story for a different time. I’m feeling myself boil up a bit. I need to do some inner peace/happy place/vodka finding.

Rock out, with some kraut and effective communication.

Hodgy Podgy

I’ve been meaning to put something up for a while now, but lacking the motivation to actually do so. I suck, I know. You don’t have to tell me. I look at November, and it seems like I attacked it with such gusto and then I just piddled out. I think I told Meanie that December was probably going to suck in the blog department. Hopefully it will be more quality over quantity.

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AVA!!!

I really didn’t think he read the blog, unless Hitler says “Read this, L said something funny”. Which is something, I’m sure, she hardly ever does. She’s hard to amuse and entertain. Anyways…I sit down to dinner Friday night last week (with Oma in toe) and he’s all “I’m snarky?? I don’t think I was being snarky.” I’m all “dude, what the hell you talking about??” and he’s all “the BLOG!!!” and I’m all “OH!”. He said he wanted to leave a “snarky” comment but had to register and stuff, and he’s too important for things like that.

He also gave me shit about putting my Sparkly Edward doll on too. I think deep, deep, deep down he wished he had something sparkly too. I bet he’s secretly read Twilight and is all swoony over Edward.


MY HOUSE IS CLEANSED

I had Oma with me all last weekend. You know what that means… All Catholic Channel all the team…at deafening volumes. I watched/heard 5 masses in 3 days (1 Friday, 2 Saturday, and 2 Sunday). I may not be Catholic, but the powers of Christ washed the sins away from my home. Jaeger was barely a devil dog (normally he starts growling in the Gospel and with the Our Father, I don’t know if he is a hell hound, or if it’s just the volume level that gets him going)…he only grrrrr’d a couple of times.

Oma was actually in a rather pleasant mood all weekend. Which is amazing. I mean, holiday Oma is a force to be reckoned with . It actually makes me slightly suicidal, or homicidal pending on how my buttons are pushed. I think the key to the pleasantness was the multiple Boo visits.

I also just got Oma’s Christmas present, we’ll see how long it takes for her to start slamming it. I got tickets for “In the Mood” a 1940’s type show with big band music, swing dancing. She usually sings praises during and just after a show I take her to, and then a week later says it’s awful and was a waste of my money. I love doing things for her.


Foiled by Hitler!

I was all ready to talk about Hitler’s blue balls…I had a post forming in my mind. I was going to call it “Hitler’s Blue Balls, Revisited”. And what does Hitler decide to do??? NOT HANG UP THE DAMN BLUE BALLS!!! She’s always ruining things lately. WHY???? Fucking hell, Hitler, fucking hell. Ava did say that when he saw the balls in the box he felt that he needed to do something with them, instead of leaving them alone.

I think they should hang in Hitler and Ava’s bedroom.


GLEE!

Meanie and I have been having GLEE! parties. Usually having dinner first, a little drinky drink, watch the show, laugh. It’s a good time. This Wednesday was the last episode until April!! This is going to suck…the hiatus. Fox bastards! For this last show we had a new attendee who has never seen the GLEE! and I really don’t know where he’s been. He’s a coworker from the former job (he needs a nickname). He enjoyed the GLEE! as well.

I made a damn good meal too!! I found this “Plum good chicken” recipe, and I was able to use one of my dozen or so jars of plum jam I’ve made. Seriously YUM, you should make it today. (And I used boobs instead of thighs in the recipe)

Meanie introduced me to the joy of Jeremiah Weed. When she first said the name to me and that I need to try it, before I knew what "it" was, I said "silly Meanie, you know I'm too uptight to do things called Jeremiah Weed!!" However the JW is not pot, it's sweet tea flavored vodka. Now, I love me some vodka. And I happen to love me some JW and lemonade. It has one of those potentials to where I drink, and drink, and drink, and then fall down. I love drinks like that. And I seriously can't remember the last time I fell down. Maybe one day soon it will happen.

Anyways...GLEE!!! If you bitches haven't seen it yet, now is your chance to get caught up in some reruns.


Speaking of needing a nickname…
I was trying to think of a nickname for the coworker friend. He’s super funny, got an odd sense of humor, and is quirky. He kills me.

A long while back, we had lunch together and played Mad-Libs. And being funny/odd/quirky, he came up with some fabulous ones. Please enjoy:

Drive hungrily. The meat wand you save may be your own.

Four out of five rolly pollies recommend gnome tails for their prancing squirrels who fling gum.

Hairless rats, just can’t eat 185.

Is it live or is it granny panties. (one of my favs. I actually had a dream where I was attacked by granny panties, kind of like the Blob).

And the best one!!! Juju Bees, melt in your little bitch mama, not in your jingly balls.

So, I was going to nickname him Little Bitch Mama (because there’s a story were he got mad at a jay walker and wanted to run the ‘little bitch mama’ down). And he’d be LBM for short. I can’t call him LBM. So I need to work on a nickname for him.

Meanie, I might need some assistance.


Speaking of LBM...

INSANE (DUH!!!!), and I can remember being in high school and working almost 40 hours a week at the same time during the holiday madness. I don’t know how I did it, and did well in school.

Anyways, so I was working in GW, and one of the seasonal help, Lucy, was always calling in. It was aggravating. Actually she wasn’t calling in, her mother was calling in for her. She was 20, 21, 22, something like that. What 20-something has her mother call in for her?? I was 17/18 and did my own call ins (not that I ever called in, honestly, I was only really sick 1 time while working there). So the primary excuse for the call was “Lucy has LBM.” I was like “LBM?? What the fuck is that??”. After the third or fourth call in I asked Diane (who I loved, retired civics teacher, very ‘no mess’ attitude and could be a BITCH but never to me) one day, what is this LBM business. Diane said “loose bowel movements”. I replied with “she’s constantly calling in for diarrhea?? She needs to change her diet”. Not to mention, if the LBM is sooo sever, and you can’t pick up the phone to call, maybe you need a doctor.

The girls that I worked with that were my age, were also curious about this LBM business, and I relayed the new found info. Lucy was nicknamed LBM the rest of the holiday season.


Longing

I need to see New Moon again.


Dixie

I’m going to see Dixie tonight. Taking mom. I know it’s going to be HILARIOUS. And this time I will feel a little more blended in, as I’m bringing my favorite gay Jew and his partner. When I saw the show with Hitler in January, and I didn’t have any gay cohorts with me, I felt like I was missing something. Since it’s interactive, and my favorite gay Jew loves to interact, I have the feeling this is will a very fun show.

If Dixie is coming to you, you have to see her. This lady pushes Tupperware like no one else.

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Okay. I'm tapped out. I can't think of anything else.

Rock out, like a little bitch mama.

Ava getting snarky, and some holiday cheer

We implemented a new tradition in the gift giving amongst the siblings three Christmases ago. It was Hitler's idea, and when Hitler speaks, we all bow down and listen. She was decided a couple of years back she's done with gift giving and thinks it should stop....all gifts: birthdays, Christmas mothers/fathers day....anything that requires a gift, she's done. But for most of us, a giftless holiday just seemed weird, so we came up with a compromise...everyone just buy a $50 gift card and we do a grab bag. It was successful, everyone got a little something. The next Christmas we decided to do a repeat and add a $25 restaurant gift card...another success, and it was repeated last year as well.

A funny thing happened in the gift giving ban with Hitler....she spawned and had Mr Boo. Now she wanted to do gifts at least for mother's day because now she was a mom and gifts are warranted. And she graciously added father's day in the mix, because of Ava. Hitler usually thinks of herself first (like the seagulls in Finding Nemo "mine, mine, mine, mineminemineminemine)....then others, so I'm sure that he was an after thought.

Anyways....

This year Hitler wanted to change things up a bit. She decided she wants present now. She discussed with me, prior to Thanksgiving, wanting to do the change. Still grab bag style, $40-60 limit, three suggestions on a sheet of paper and VIOLA. She sprung this up to the siblings on Thanksgiving. My list was easy...gift card to my crack dealer or his slumming cousin (Amazon and B&N) please!!

Yesterday, while I was visiting my crack dealer, I realized that whoever pulled my name could access my wish list from the dealer!! So I sent out a group email...for those not wanting to just get a gift card...go to my list.

This email prompted SIL to ask what everyones favorite color is. Then came Ava's response...

I'd like to say it's whatever color the eyes are of that dreamy, pasty-faced, effeminate vampire from New Moon are, but I'll go with blue, too! What's his name, Lori? Pedro? Filbert? Horatio Hornblower? L, I went to see New Moon by myself too! You're not mad...are you?

He's such a fucker.

Then I replied with....

EDWARD'S eye color fluctuates from deep smoldering onyx to liquid gold topaz...ASSHOLE!!! And I know you didn't see the movie by yourself because you need to take a girl with you to avoid the homo whispers.

Then good ol' Bobo chimes in...

It's OK Ava. I'm totally on board with Team Jacob. I guess
it's the wolfy, doggy-style thing that I'm into (not the receiving
end!) What's your team alliance?

Another Team Jacob...that's the last thing I need.


Ava replied with how he was on the team of getting work done and decided he was going to be an adult not play in our childish games. Blah, blah, blah....

Grab-bagging it (ohhh the dirty thoughts that just went through my head....) really does take the mass gift giving stress off a person. It's a good little system for us, of course, with Hitler at the helm...it has to be. If not, she'd kill us.

And a bigger bonus...this morning I got most of my holiday shopping done thanks to the crack dealer!! Only a few more things to purchase and I'm all set!!! WOO HOO!! And yet another bonus...my Christmas cards are all made, signed, addressed and ready to be delivered once I get some stamps!!

Rock out, peace out.

GRRRRRRRRR HITLER!!!!!!!

Yesterday, I chatted with the Hitler in the A.M. about seeing New Moon (swoon) that night. She said her usual ambiguous response of "we'll see", and I went off to Oma's like I do every Saturday.

After I left Target, and was on my way to Cost Plus World Market, I get a text from Hitler saying "don't need to see movie tonight, I just saw it". A wave of shock and disbelief came over me, I call her....

Me: Did you really just see the movie??
Hitler: Yeah, Ava and his brother were going to see blah, blah, blah...and New Moon started 5 minutes before, so I decided to watch that instead.
Me: Shut the fuck up...you are joking right??
Hitler: No.
Me: You are lying what's the opening scene.
Hitler describes the opening....
Me: I hate you.

Then I hang up on her. I can't believe she saw it without me. Fucking bitch. I'm still bitter...YOU READ THAT HITLER!!! I'M STILL IRKED!!!!!! It will take me awhile to get over this one. Hitler said is was nice to watch the movie alone and not have me bothering her. I told her I can keep my hands and comments to myself and let her watch in peace.

As the Saturday progressed and I was getting more and more frustrated with Holiday, passive aggressive, indecisive, deaf Oma, I was getting more and more pissed with Hitler. New Moon would have been a nice reward at the end of my day from hell (which will continue every Saturday until after Christmas)...and I wasn't going to be seeing it, noooooooooooooo because fucking Hitler had to see it on her own. Fucking Hitler...ruining everything.

When I was driving home from Oma's she asked me if I was still mad. I told her I was (and currently still irked)...which then launched a discussion of how I need to get over it and it's just a movie. Yes, it's just a movie, it's just a story, blah, blah, blah...but it's something I LOVE!! And while I was highly aggravated and contemplating suicide, Hitler was watching New Moon...having a gay old time. Plus this takes my potential viewings down to 2, until the repeat offenders want to go. TWO TIMES!!!

I'm not going to forget this, Hitler...and when you need me to do something or to be your partner in crime I will say "remember when you saw New Moon without me????" and then tell you to fuck off. You are forewarned.

Rock out, with vengeance.

The commencement of the turkey day...

Well dinner went off without a hitch, even though there were some slight homicidal thoughts and tendencies, nobody got hurt. Well, except for Bobo...we did a little wrestling before he left, and he said he won because he pinned me on the couch longer...however I think I won since I pulled a chunk of hair, poked him in the eye, flipped him off of me on the couch, and when he had the 'winning pin' I bit him. I fight dirty.

Hitler asked me if I wanted to go to Michaels that night, because they were opened until 9, and then we won't have to go in the morning. I said fine, not that I needed anything, but still managed to find things to buy.

Hitler and I, for the past 4 years, started venturing out on this black Friday bullshit. Typically we buy for ourselves, going to crafty stores mainly, and a few others along the way. I have told her, since the birth of Boo- I REFUSE TO GO TO TOYS R US. If it were just me, I'd never go out, because there are some nutters out there, and I value my life, but I go to be the partner in crime for Hitler. Plus, no one else will do it with her.

Our first 'black Friday' was kinda funny. Big coupons for Michaels, I needed stuff to crochet some gifts and other crafty business....I can't even remember what Hitler's main objective was. We were plotting on Thursday night what time to leave, when did they open, blah, blah, blah...I think she picked me up at 6am....and off we went. Something that still makes me chuckle when I think about that first Friday, and I even repeated it this Thursday too....

Hitler: God, what if it's totally crazy at Mike's and JoAnn's?? Are these people going to be crazy? What if there's nothing good left when we get there??

Me: Hitler...these are crafters, a mellow crowd....they aren't going to decoupage you to death.

Both accounts, the only thing crazy was the lines...there's no one in the store, they are all up at the register.

This year, in lieu of shopping at the ass crack of dawn on Friday, I want to a 10am show of New Moon...which was just fabulous!! I've got at least 3 more viewings of it left, unless I have a repeat offender that wants to go with me again. God, I love him....

Can't you just swoon????

Rock out...

A mini....

A short list of some random things.

**********************************************************
A sphincter say what?

Ahhhh....Oma.... She still has a strong aversion to getting a hearing aid. "What if someone sees it? What if I need to go to a nursing home, they are so expensive?" Blah, blah, blah. Last year at Christmas she said "I will get a hearing aid next year after all the spending". I about fell to my knees, praising Jesus, that Oma has finally seen the light. That was short lived, because then she started refusing again.

She has good hearing days and bad days. I'm tired of yelling when trying to talk to her. Especially when the tv's on. In the kitchen, where she normally sits in the morning and afternoon, she's perched on her chair about 2ft in front of the tv. The volume level on said tv??? Fucking 60!!! SIXTY PEOPLE!!!!!! She said it's on her bad side. WTF?? Really, at 2ft in front of something blaring in your face, bad side should be a little null and void, shouldn't it??

But the top of the story... Ca woke up the other night around 2am hearing a beeping sound. She was aggravated, because they are doing some construction across the street and thought they were starting crazy early. She went to shut her window, and the sound wasn't getting louder. So she figured the sound was coming inside the house. She stops in front of Oma's bedroom, where the beeping is at its pinnacle volume. Oma somehow turned on her alarm and it went off at midnight...it was past 2am. For TWO HOURS that thing was beeping next to her head, she sleeps on her 'bad side' and her 'good side' didn't even hear it. Beeping...for two hours.

Please God, if you are listening, Oma's a good Catholic. She watches the mass a minimum of 2 times a day on the Catholic channel, she prays constantly, she loves St. Anthony...Please, please, please drop the seed in her head that she needs at least 1 hearing aid. Just one. But don't whisper it to her, you have to shout very loudly. Thank you!! Amen.


Hysterics

Last night I made the mistake of watching Find My Family after Dancing with the Stars. Shut up, I know I'm a loser. Anyways... So I've seen the commercials for this horrible show, and I knew, I knew, this is not a show for me. It will involve uncontrollable tears, and I really am not in the mood for an emotion breakdown at the moment. After Dancing, they said just a preview of what's to come. I decided, I could hack 30 minutes, there will be tears, but minimal. How much can 30min do, after all??

A WHOLE FUCKING LOT!!!! That's what 30 minutes can do.

They show the parents looking for their daughter that they gave up 30 years ago (teenage pregnancy), but they got married and more kids....and they've been looking for their daughter for the past 9 years. They just show the parents and I start crying. They tell their story, more tears. They find the daughter who lives and grew up just 8 flipping miles away, MORE tears. They interview the daughter, more tears. They tell the parents they found their daughter, she's 8 miles away, and wants to meet them....you guessed it more tears. I text Tuschka about the awfulness. I tell her I'm crying, not just normal happy/sad tears, but full on Jimmy Smits. I wind up calling her with about 10 min left of the show, they reunioned (is that even a word?), and then there was a little picnic back home.

I told her I will never, ever watch this bullshit ever again. Thank you, Tuschka, for the chat last night, and always listening to my irrational hysterics.


Where for art thou, Edward???

I did good I only saw New Moon twice this weekend. I la-la-love it. Even though my Edward isn't on the screen that much. Let me tell you when he was on, he was scrum-diddley-umtuous. And even though I do not like the Jacob, he was enjoyable to look at. It made him more tolerable.

I'm reading the books again, I think I might have mentioned it once or twice or a million times. I'm in Eclipse right now. I just finished the part where I need them to "fucking fuck already". I love these books!! La-la-love!


Speaking of New Moon...

Did a little blurb on FB about the New Moon. Found out my SDF is Team Jacob. I told her that I may have to end our 20+ year friendship. Seriously. I affiliate myself with too many Team Jacob people. Way too many.

*********************************************************

That's all I got. I think. For now.

Rock out, with a mini cock out!

Oops I did it again....

Hello midnight show.......



Totally blew Twilight out of the water. The acting, the following of the story, the visuals.

Fucking AMAZING!!! Can't wait to see it again.

Rock out...NEW MOON!!!


PS: thank you, Meanie, for getting a better picture than me.

Impending Turkey Day...

Just got off the phone with Hitler. Talking about the up coming day of turkey. I love Thanksgiving. It's my fav holiday for one reason and one reason only...TURKEY!!! Good lord that's one tasty bird.

I 'host' Thanksgiving, but at my mom's house. Let's face it, 15 people in my condo would be cramped...15 people at my mom's way more manageable. And we do it potluck style. The host (me) is responsible for the main dish, everyone else brings stuff to the meal. That way the cooking doesn't fall all on one person. Hitler has to work that day, and I told her to bring dessert, when she asked what she should bring. Primarily, Mom found some recipe she wants. My SIL is also making like 4 pies, most of which my mom wants to eat. Mom's not really a desserty person, but since this chemo business, she will suggest to people what they should make for something...which is really what she wants and she doesn't care if you like it or not.

Anyways...

Hitler's making this pumpkin thing. She said that she'll bring some sugar free cool whip or something. I said, Oma always makes schlag (whip cream) so we probably don't need the sugar free cool whip. Hitler said she wanted a 'low sugar' option for the diabetics in the family. Not that the recipe is sugar free or anything. And I said...."Kinda like how Oma will leave the powder sugar off her cookies and proclaim them SUGAR FREE, even though the recipe calls for 20 cups of sugar???" Hitler and I laugh. Ahhhh, that Oma. She's a crazy one

I also talked to Hitler about the Bobo, and how he was weighing in on what Ava's mother should bring to dinner and emailed her, which was the opposite of what I said she should bring. I got in the email mix and said to Bobo "until you host/coordinate a holiday, shut up and just worry about your own dish". I told Hitler it seriously aggravated me. I don't know why, but it did. Then I found out from Hitler, Mom's adding to her contributions and changing it up a bit. I'm all WTF?!?!?!?! What's the point of everyone saying "L...when you going to send out the thanksgiving email and get the ball rolling??" And then I do, and everybody just does what ever the hell the want, and change their minds, AFTER they say what they are going to do.

Seriously. Annoying!!

So I'm venting to Hitler, talking like the micro machine guy....I'm a fast talker to begin with, but when I got hot on something (hot good or hot bad) my speed amplifies...then toss in the fact that I've consumed almost a pot of coffee, by myself, in the last hour!! I go into warp speed.

Hitler, doesn't want to hear it, and says she has to go back to work now. And I say "WAIT!!! ONE MORE THING!!!!" and I start to sing "TOOOOOOONIGHT, TOOOOOONIGHT, I'm seeing my Edward TOOOOONIGHT!!!!!"

Before I can say anything else, Hitler says "Bye, L." and essentially hangs up on me. She always does that when I sing to her. She doesn't appreciate.

EYE CANDY!!!

Rock out, TOOOOONIGHT TOOOONIGHT....I'll see my man tooooonight!!!!!

He sparkles!!!

I thought I should do a little bloggy blog about Edward. **sigh** Since I haven't said anything about him in a while, AND THE MOVIE'S TOMORROW!!!!!!

The girlies from work for my birthday ordered Matels Edward doll for me. I sits proudly in my new home office, and a shelf that is a mini-shrine....See, not as impressive as the one in my cube, but this is my home, and I have to be somewhat mature here.

And I might as show the pics over my desk that I look at daily, too....

And here's my office mate, he's sleeping next to me. Which is better than the alternative...barking or wanting to cuddle while I work.

Anyways, back to the doll... So the girls ordered it for me for my birthday, and it finally arrived last week. Just in time for me to have to go in and pick up the laptop for doing my part-time work for the old employers.

My return was an event at the office. I'm popular, at least with most of my teammates (KIA wasn't there when I got in, I almost cried. Tears of joy, mind you, tears of joy). So we had a chat, I was presented with The Doll. First thing I noticed....HE SPARKLES!!! And he's wearing the sexy peacoat!! I never wanted to be a peacoat so badly before in my life.

I had to take some pictures to share....I don't think you can really see the sparkles, but you can at least see the doll...

Maybe you can see a slight glimmer here??? Maybe not. Who cares?? It's Edward!!

Here's the back of the box. Sexy peacoat, fierce stare....yum....

And the little blurb in the back, for your reading pleasure....

A great present for the Edward Obsessed. Something I wouldn't buy for myself, but something I would graciously accept!!

May, I just say how excited I am about the show tomorrow night?? Going to see the Twilight at 9, and then the New Moon at MIDNIGHT!!!! Have tentative plans to see it again on Sunday. This is just the first (and second) viewing of many!!

Also, kudos to Rob for walking out on Ryan Seacrest when he asked about whether or not he and Kristen Stewart are dating. 1) I don't care if they are, and I'm sick of hearing about it every two seconds 2) If I'm sick of it...I can only imagine how annoying it would be to be asked over and over again. 3) I have an unexplained hatred for Seacrest...I want to punch him in the face when I see him, and in the throat when I hear him. Hate, Hate, Hate!!!!

Rock out, with your sparkly doll!

Take the snowbirds bowling, take them bowling.

Snowbird season, I think, is officially upon us. Well it was upon me on Thursday. I almost got into three...count them THREE accidents, 2 involving the snowbirds, one with a biker (the pedal kind, not cool rider).

The first interaction was coming back from what was to be a quick errand in the afternoon...it took much longer, because the birds were out, since it was early afternoon, doing their snowbird things, and driving no more than 20mph in a 45, because that's what snowbirds do. When i was returning home, I was in a left hand turn lane (no light) waiting ever so patiently for the bird in front of me to turn first (had to make sure there was no car coming at him at all before making the turn). He turns, then then a decent line of cars start to come again, so I have to wait. There are cars on the street that I want to turn on, waiting to turn left as well...the front is a big old honking suburban, and then a monster buick sedan behind it. I see my chance to make my turn...and the suburban decides he's going to turn first, in front of me, and wait in front of the median before joining the flow of eastbound traffic, and blocking all views I have of what's coming west...he starts to move forward, and I can see that I can go....I start to move...Just then, the boaty buick sedan with an old, old, old, lady comes flying out, and waits behind the suburban that hasn't yet joined the flow of traffic. She is now blocking the west bound traffic and I can't turn left...I just want to get home... but she just sits there and completely ignores that CARS ARE COMING AT HER!!! And I couldn't have hit her when she made her turn, and I technically had the right of way. After what seemed like ages, and many honking cars later, she and the suburban complete their turns and drive away...I had to wait again. I think waiting to turn left probably took about 10 minutes...and was the longest part of my jaunt out.

Next, I had to head back to the old jobbie job to get at the laptop so I can start working for them. I'm coasting...then on the 202 everything comes to an abrupt stop, and I decide to get off one exit early. I'm tootling up 32nd street and I see Mr. Man on his bike (pedal, pedal, not zoom zoom), weaving in and out of traffic, looking like he wants to cross the street, but is in the middle of the flow of traffic and not at an intersection. At one point he almost swerved into me, when I as coming to a stop...he swerves his bike, and then crossed in front of the truck that in front of me. He looks behind him to the right and starts to cross into a turn lane and DOESN'T SEE THAT THERE IS A TRUCK COMING AT HIM!! BOOM!!! He got hit by the truck and ricochets off of another car. Everyone gets out of their cars. Mr Bike is fine, shaken up, grabs his stuff and bikes away. The guy that hit him is just standing there a little dumbfounded. Everyone returns to their cars and continues on their way. The whole time I just kept thinking "holy shit, I just saw a person get hit by a car!!'

Then I'm on my merry way, and this older carolla is in the suicide lane, no turn signal to indicate if they are merging into my flow of traffic OR turning into the building on the other side...and when I'm not that far behind it, the person merges in front of me, cutting me off. Almost Accident #3. I'm yelling in my car obscenities and what not, then the driver slowly merges into the middle lane, cutting off another person. I look over. It's an old lady, that doesn't even cover the head rest she's so short, and barely looks over the steering wheel. She's also on the phone talking. Now, I talk and drive all the time...but something tells me, with this lady, given her height issues...not the best thing.

I finally get to work, get my laptop, talk to the team. And then went to happy hour. Thank god for alcoholic beverages. Seriously. Between 1 and 4pm there were 3 times where I could have hit someone. It made for a great day.

Rock out, accidental.

Chatting with my brother

Last night on the FB I was chatting with my brother. Essentially, Mr Anti-establishment, anti-rich, anti-government, anti-capitalism, anti-everything that isn't somewhat hippie-ish in belief, is wanting to celebrate his up coming birthday in Scottsdale. Scottsdale, which is the ANTITHESIS of Bobo. I had to give him crap. When the chat was ending the following transpired:

Me: I'm off to bed. Gotta read me some Twilight, it's calling me (not part of the conversation, but I'm re-reading in preparation of THE MOVIE NEXT WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Bobo: I'm off to bed too.
Bobo: Emily Rose is calling me.
Me: Watch out for 3:15am.
Bobo: Fuck off.
Me: Tootles!!!

Seriously dudes, I about pissed my pants with the laughter.

Rock out.

Not the only with 'ghosty' issues.

Got this email from CC the other day....

Just thought of you because you freaked recently due to water cooler and dog barking. I don't think my place is haunted but I swear I just heard a low deep voice say my dog's name "Jake". I had to go and look to make sure nobody was here. Last week I woke up in the middle of the night to some guy saying "Hey" in my room. Okay, Ms. Psychologist...what is with me hearing voices??? Am I a nutcase???? Or should I just burn some sage in the house. :)

Which kinda made me laugh!! I'm not the only one hallucinating something fierce. Luckily, things have toned down a bit for me. Well, I still hear odd things just before going to bed, but I'm chalking it up to just 'house sounds'.

I replied to CC with the following response:

First off...same voice different voice?? I guess the answer doesn't really matter because I would SAGE THE HELL OUT OF YOUR PLACE!!!!!! Regardless. All rooms (I do 4 corners, NESW, and the middle of the room too...and don't forget your closets!!! that's a total of 9 spots, 10 with closets, in 1 room). And I usually repeat over and over "negative out, positive in"... OH!! And I sage windows and door ways if I'm really spooked. Where ever you thought you heard the voice I would sage a little bit longer. But I'm OCD crazy like that.

If you wanted a 'rational' answer to the voice I would say that due to all the studying and the stress from school, that at night when the brain is trying to slow down, you might have extra synapses firing, causing an auditory hallucination. And that over stimulated brains, at times, are prone to cause over active imagination in a person when they are trying to calm and wind down for the day.

Doesn't my rational response sound like I actually have a faint clue of what I'm talking about?? I totally impressed myself! HAHA!!

CC is going to sage, just to be on the safe side. I think that's a wise decision. I should probably re-sage just to be on the safe side!!

Rock out, with sage.

Fucking woodwork, I tell you!!!

More people crawling out of the woodworks. This one I'm not super thrilled about either. I think I hate FaceBook. Seriously.

Also, I was wondering how the wordwork expression came about, I googled, and found:

• out of the woodwork idiom
  Emerging from obscurity or a place of seclusion. It often is put as come (or crawl) out of the woodwork, as in The candidates for this job were coming out of the woodwork. The expression alludes to insects crawling out of the interior wooden fittings of a house, such as baseboards and moldings. [Colloquial; mid-1900s]

Look, you learned something.

So, yeah.....this time the person that found me... Where do I begin about the unpleasantries??? High School...a time of trauma for most. We all know that I'm a bitch, but I can also be a push over. Unless I'm in a 'special' mood, I really don't like to instigate fights/arguments with friends or 'friends'. Now, my family on the other hand, BRING IT BITCHES!!! I have no qualms with them. So in high school, I spent a lot of time being the push over, the abused, and the used by a a lot friends. Lets face it, I was insecure (who wasn't....HELLO HIGH SCHOOL!!!) and I felt like it was such a small pool that if I really did have verbal fisticuffs, there was a real sense of fear about losing friends/'friends' or being ostracized in anyway shape or form.

Anyways, this girl, who shall be called "Slut"(she constantly shared with me sexual escapes she had with her 20yr old neighbor, and it was a little unsettling) I met freshy year. Her BFF, lets call her "Backstabber", played volleyball with a girl from my subdivision that I was friends with (we later were roomies the first 2 years of college-we had some issues, but time and distance is a fabulous thing), who will be called SDF (subdivision friend). Okay... So Slut was BFF's with Backstabber, Backstabber and SDF were playing volleyball together, and I had classed with Backstabber...eventually we are all interwoven together. Slut became jealous of SDF for 'stealing' Backstabber away from her (SDF and Backstabber did A LOT together), then Backstabber got tired of the ultra catholic conservativeness of SDF... drama drama drama... It made for fun times in freshman year. The drama continued, and for me, it was at full capacity my junior year.

Junior year...we had the foreign exchange student (FES, as mentioned previously). FES and SDF did not got along so well. FES and I did not get along so well. But who she did get along with really well out of all my friends/'friends' that I introduced her to was Backstabber and Slut. SDF and I carpooled to school, naturally, FES was riding with us...but there were mornings when Backstabber and Slut would pick her up...they didn't live anywhere near us. Okay, fine whatever... Then the 3 of them would go out, not inviting me. Which kinda hurt. Backstabber and I were really good friends, Slut was just there, but I really liked Backstabber. Backstabber and Slut would just show up at my house, and hang out with FES, never really even acknowledging me or nothing.

QUEUE VIOLENT FEMMES MUSIC.

It was a turbulent time for me. I was angry, hurt, insecure, and seeing RED. Really, I wanted to inflict serious pain on those who were scorning me. Those three were at the top of the list. Really, I wanted FES to get deported and banned from the country.

Mom would tell me (while I locked myself in my room with the Femmes blaring) that she knew that Backstabber and Slut were not going to be good friends for/to me when she first met them, but didn't say anything, because she knew I wouldn't listen. And she's right, I wouldn't have. That was mom's way of reassuring me....being omnipotent, but keeping her revelations to herself, until the time was right, and tell me "I always knew.....but I didn't tell you". She would also tell me that it wasn't the end of the world, I have other friends, blah, blah, blah, and could I please turn down the music.

After last week's "look who I found/found me", I thought I would be set for a while, until yesterday, when SLUT found me. When I saw that name pop up, honestly, I wanted to punch my computer and kill Facebook. I had said back, back, back in the day when I first signed up that if there were those shitty people from my past that wanted to be friends, I'd decline. Well, this is one of those people. And I haven't determined what I'm going to do yet. I think I'm going to decline. But that would just be giving into the hurt high schooler me and not the more grown up 30 year old me.

Decisions, decisions.

Also in the realm of woodworks... I had a dream (my dreams are fucking killing me lately) that was all flashbacky. It was a 5th grade reunion. Again, more turbulent times from my youth.

Prior to moving, I can't really remember any mean spirited girls (there was a brat...but she was just a brat, not really mean mean, but the potential was there). But after starting the 4th grade, and the move, and trying to make new friends and fit in, I saw more meanness. Perhaps I was just more aware, because I was new. But there were, in my subdivision, 2 queen bees that ruled over the other girls our age. We were truly mean to each other, or at least those two lead, and like sheep the rest of us followed. (these were also some of the girls that lent support during some zombie torment). The queen bees teased relentless. I remember bus rides home, sitting with them, and they'd pinch me the whole time (nothing catastrophic, but still mean), until I finally had enough and I punched them (after getting of the bus). We would play "who's your best friend" all the time, when we would get in a circle and pick who our bff was at that moment. Usually the queen bees would say not to pick someone because they didn't like them, and that one person would always go home feeling hurt, and wouldn't be invited to do something with the group until the queen bees liked them again. There were other things that happened, but this isn't group therapy time, and not a pitty party. Plus, who wants to read my rehash??? Let me just say that when the queen bees moved away, I had such an amazing amount of relief. One queen bee moved back during high school, but she didn't acknowledge me, which I was more than fine with.

ANYWAYS....back to the dream....

So, it was the 5th grade reunion. Queens Bees are there, still being mean, evil, and just down right bitches. When they leave their little 'popular 5th graders' group, and come to talk to me, I'm filled with joy (note: SARCASM). They start in bragging about how great their lives are, blah, blah, blah....and then I got pinched in the side. They start laughing. I, ever so eloquently, scream "YOU TWO ARE NOTHING BUT MISERABLE FUCKING BITCHES" and proceed to punch them square in the face. I left the classroom...and woke up, and I WAS HAPPY I punched them.

So now, I'm contemplating the depth of my issues and need for anger management. Because seriously... I need to let go and let God. Why this still bothers me, I don't know. The fragile little L, still is living strong.

Rock out, with your traumatic youth out.

PW!!

This past Thursday, The Pioneer Woman, came to town to sign her cookbook and talk about life on the ranch. I was really excited that she was coming. I pre-ordered my book in September and just waiting for the crack dealer to deliver.

So, I got to the book store hosting the event. I wanted to make sure, since I already had my book, I wasn't going to be accused of stealing or anything, so I asked the chick behind the counter if I needed something since I had the cookbook already. And she asked me where I got the book...I said my crack dealer and her response, WITH ATTITUDE was: Just so you know, for future signings, featured authors will not sign a book unless it was purchased at THIS book store. HOWEVER, you are in luck, as this author agreed to sign on a first come first serve basis.

I wanted to punch her. Then I saw that she was wearing skinny jeans, that were soo skinny and low rise the came up to her mid thigh, and fit soo improperly, since they didn't go all the way up or cover any part of her ass, the she had that flat saggy butt look in the back. Because, well, the JEANS DID COVER HER ASS. Be a bitch, chicky, at least I understand size appropriate clothing, and I know just because shit comes in my size doesn't mean I should be wearing it.

Plus her attitude pretty much solidified my not returning to that particular bookstore for anything in the future. It will take an act of God (or Edward) for me to change my mind on that one.

So, CC, came with me to the signing. Originally she was going to be busy with school stuff, but things changed and she wanted to meet me there. And it was a packed FULLY house of P-Dub devotees. CC and I got standing room only, and stood in the corner where we had great PW visuals and little did I know she would be coming out about 20ft from where I was standing!!

SEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

She did a little Q&A. Her Black Heels will be published!! She said she's going to fill in some holes, but it will still be sordid!! Some little kid asked if she had elephants on her farm, which was very cute.

She was very personable and funny. I'm happy I was able to hear her Q&A session. And I took some pics, but they were all blurry... (just an excuse for me to look into making a new camera purchase)

Here's CC, with PW talking in the background.... CC and I started to fall in love with PW together at work. I had read her sporadically, but CC jumped in full heartedly, and then I started to read more, and more, and more....then POOF!!! BIG PW FANS!!! So It was fitting that she was able to come with me and see her!!

Me and the PW in the background!!

I wanted to get my book signed, and there were a bunch of people. So CC and I decided, lets grab dinner close by, and then come back. She started signing books at 730, CC and I came back at 915... and the line was still MASSIVE!!!!!! I wanted to wait, but opted to go home, because God knows when I would have been able to get my book signed, and I had to stop and pick up Jaeger. No book signing for me. At least I heard/saw her. I got some pics. I was a happy camper.

If you are under a rock and don't know anything about The Pioneer Woman, check out her sight. She's got a little something for everyone...funny stories, photography, cooking, even homeschooling stuff (which I don't really do anything with except for the smarty pants quizzes).

I told my mom about the attitudey chicky (leaving out the bit about the ill-fitting skinny jeans that only went up to her thighs) and how I didn't really appreciate it. And she was talking to her one friend that frequents the store. She said that that is typical book signing stuff...you buy the book from the store hosting the signing. I said that was fine, I didn't know...however...little bitchy needs to lose the attitude. And I still don't intend on going back to the bookstore for anything unless act of God/Edward should occur.

Rock out, cock out.

Meeeeeeemmmmmmooooorrrrrriiiiiiieeeeesssssss....

Like the corners of my mind.... Misty watercolored MEEEEEEEEMMMMMMOOOOOORRRRRIIIIEEEESSSSSSSSS of the way we were....

Who doesn't love a good Bab's serenade?? Really??

Papa!! Papa can you hear me?? Papa!!! Papa can you see me????? Papa!!! Don't preach, cuz I'm in trouble deep...

Oops, wrong Papa!!

Anyways...

The past 24 hours has been flashback central for me. People from long ago, crawling out of some internet crevices. One I'm crazy excited about...the other, not so sure.

The excited one... I got an email from classmates.com saying that I have message. Of course to view the message I have to be a gold member, and lucky for me they are running a sale on memberships!!! Only $10 and not $40.... I see the message is from a girl I was pretty inseparable from between Kindergarten and the third grade (when I moved away). I immediately pay, and read the email. Just a simple "are you the L that went to BLAH school? If so, please email me, so we can catch up". I email her right back with a quickie run down of what's going on with me and my email address.

Then I stalked my email, waiting, waiting, waiting for an email back. Then I got one!! WOO HOO!!! Apparently her dad ran into our third grade teacher, and she gave a memory book to him from our class to give to SHL. She thought she would try finding me again. I have looked for her in the past, but with no success. I'm happy she decided to try looking for me again.

I'm so excited to rekindle this friendship, and getting to know SHL again.

The other blast that I'm apprehensive about is from high school. Bobo found on the FB the foreign exchange student that we hosted my junior year.

I remember when we were presented with the idea of hosting someone, I was ALL FOR IT!!! I'm thinking it's like having an insta-friend living with me. It's going to be GREAT!! Hitler, however, was all "HELL NO!". She didn't want some stranger sleeping across the hall from her, blah, blah, blah. In the end, Hitler and the FES became BFF's and the FES did not get along AT ALL!! Good times. It made for a great year. The year when The Violent Femmes became my angry music, and when I was pissed, The Femmes would be BLASTING...and I would essentially be telling the world to FUCK OFF AND DIE! Again, good times.

So the Bobo, finds FES, and sends out a notice to Hitler and myself. And I sat there and contemplated...do I friend or do I not friend?? I friended. We'll see if she excepts. We are older now...more mature. Just because I sent her a letter in 1999 saying I was going to be studying in Berlin the in January, and I'd like to meet up, and was never given a response back doesn't mean anything right?? I mean, she could have moved, maybe the letter got lost?? I shouldn't be bitter about the crap that happened my junior year, should I?? I need to let go and let God.

Funny thing...I harbor resentment like a mother fucker. In case you couldn't tell. I harbor, I hold it in, and very rarely do I release. But when I do, the recipient is going to get a bitch slap years/decades/ions in the making. Very healthy, I know.

So, lets see how that puppy unfolds. This one I don't think I'm as excited about, seeing that I can still feel all that negativity coming back to me and the slightest thought of FES and that year in school. I know it's not all her fault, some of the crap that went down, but in someways she's the physical representation of it. Again, very healthy, I know.

Hopefully, I can play the big card. I reiterate....let go and let God.

On a more positive note...hallucinated sounds last night before going to bed. Thought I heard odd sounds coming from the kitchen area of the house. Comforting. And this morning at 540, Jaeger FLEW OUT from under the covers, full on mowhawk, barking at the foot at the foot of the bed pointing out to the living room....AT NOTHING!!!!! That was comforting.

Rock out, with cocks from the past...

Mental Torture

So, the PA might not have made me crap my pants...but it's having some lingering effects. I mentioned in the previous post about the gurgling water cooler... well the day proved to be a noisy one.

My front door sounded like it was going to be pushed in at times, but the day didn't seem to be particularly windy or gusty. It bothered me a bit.

The kicker of the Monday sound effects was when I was heading out to meet the fam for Ava's birthday dinner (HAPPY BIRTHDAY AVA!!!!!! Man is getting old at 33...). I turned off the tv before I left the house and this inhuman sound from the wall. I have no clue...it was like being in an old house and hearing the pipes moan when you turn on the water. That's the best way I can describe it...a moan, an inhuman moan. I gasped. I got the hell out, I called Meanie. She laughed, I laughed...I was still scared!!

When I got home from the festivities I saged EVERYTHING and EVERYWHERE!!! The water cooler, the approximate place on the wall with the unsettling moan, hell, I even saged Jaeger. I did my little "negative out, positive in" chant. I sages all windows, doors, doorways, four corners of every room, closets....everything. Saged and chanted.

Yesterday, no unusual sounds. THANK YOU SAGE!!!

Last night, however, I had a dream that totally messed with my head, and had me contemplating whether or not I should continue sleeping.

The dream:

I'm at Hitler and Ava's house, but when I look out the window, I have the view from my place, kinda like Hitler's house sitting on top of the condo below me. Also at the house PPE and TWAH, and some guy named "Paul" that is a total figment.

So, it's morning and I'm going to get ready to hop in the shower. I look out the window from Boo's room (which is now my room, and there's no trace of the boo monster anywhere), and I see PPE talking to some other random guy (not Paul) the mystery man gives PPE a little box, like a ring size box. RG (random guy) asks PPE, "what do you think? Do you think she'll like it?" I know immediately it's about me, and I'm all flustered. I don't hear PPE's response, but I see him put the box between the screen and front doors, and they leave. I run downstairs to look at the ring. I put it on, it fits, but if I push the diamond in the center, it changes colors. I'm all excited. I run up, hop in the shower in Hitler and Ava's bedroom. When I get out, I can feel this odd reverberation all around me. It's not good. Then the bathroom door SLAMS shut really loudly, and the reverberating air begins to intensify, I feel like something is pushing me out of the room. I run out, and the bedroom door slams and starts shaking. I'm FREAKING OUT!!! I run to my room, put on some close and run to the living room where Hitler, Ava, and TWAH are all talking nonchalantly. I'm all spastic...did you see/hear the door...do you feel the air shaking around you....there's something here...we need to get it out!!! They just look at me like I'm crazy. I said we need to sage the house. One group do the upstairs and one down, and no one should go alone, because whatever is here is pissed. They said something about "Paul" being downstairs, and for me to go down there and sage with him, they will sage the upstairs. So I go downstairs and tell Paul we have to start saging...evil forces...we start saging.

We finish, and PPE comes in and he notices immediately the ring on the finger and asks where I got it. I told him that I saw him and RG talking outside, and I wanted to look. And PPE looked really disappointed in me, I was taking the ring off when RG came in and saw what I was doing and look uber hurt. I get ready to explain when I hear this odd, slow thumping sound. (Reminiscent of the thumping in PARANORMAL ACTIVITY!!!) My heart starts to race. I rush up the stairs. I don't see anything but the thumping is getting louder coming towards me from the hall, and the reverberating/pushing feeling is back. I'm standing there, frozen, with all this pressure building...and the loud thumping....

Then I wake up. First thing I do is feel for Jaeger, then make sure all my limbs are in bed and covered. Then I look out the bedroom door, to make sure that there's nothing "looking in" at me, and I don't see any powdered foot prints on the floor.

I had a hard time falling asleep after that.

WOO HOO.

Hopefully this movie doesn't sit with me much longer. I don't like having paranoid sleep.

Rock out, with an overactive imagination...

I did not crap my pants.

The Paranormal Activity…I watched it, and I survived. And contrary to my personal belief…I did not crap my pants!!

SCORE!!!

Meanie did some online snooping and spoke to people who watched it. Tuschka provided me some information. I felt well informed to watch the movie, but I was still a little nervous. I spoke to PPE about it, too. I needed him to tell me whether this is a movie I should watch. He knows my tolerance level and what I can and can’t take. I asked him, on a scale of 1-10 (1 being Friday the 13th, and 10 being The Grudge) where does PA fit. He said it was a 3, all mental but not so bad. I asked if it was like The Shining or The Exorcist, complete anguish while watching, still slightly spooked afterwards, but when you see it the second time, it’s not so scary at all. He said “EXACTLY”. I told him if he was lying and it was worse than a 3, I was going to hop on the next plane out to Pittsburgh and KILL HIM, assuming the swine flu doesn’t kill him first (did I mention, he’s got the case of the pig???). PPE is my horror compass.

There were times during the movie I said “Okay, I’m not watching anymore” and close my eyes. Had I gone home, by myself, instead of crashing at my parents, I would have been okay. And, I’m not afraid to be home alone right now. I think it’s safe to say that I will not suffer permanent damages from the movie. And PPE was right, it’s a 3 on based on my scale.

HOWEVER...there was a preview for Shutter Island, think of Alcatraz- but it's a mental institution, holding the worst mentally ill patients. It's in the 50's Leo DiCaprio and Mark Ruffalo are FBI agents and there to investigate the island. Now, for me, anything mental institution related means I won't be seeing it. Nothing good happens in those movies. But there was a scene where Leo's walking down this poorly lit hall and some guy jumps out and grabs him. I flew about 20ft out of my seat.
I was a little on edge.

That was probably the big scare of the night.

This morning, though, I was chatting with Jaeger, coaxing him out of bed….”C'mon Chub, let’s get up out of bed and go potty...you wanna go outside???” And upon completion of that question I heard a loud chug-a-lug/gurgle sound. I gasped, did a little jump. First thought “GHOST!!!! DEMON!!!!!!!!”…not “WATER COOLER!!!!” Honestly, I would have jumped regardless, given the timing, but since I just saw a ghosty movie, my immediate reaction went to the irrational. I’m not saying that I don’t believe in ghosts, because I do, however at that moment, it was not one.

I need to sage my condo.

Rock out, horrifically.

PS: I forgot the best part of the movie!!! I bought the tickets, Meanie and I met a friend for drinks before hand, and he picked up that tab, and Meanie bought refreshments. Most importantly, she bought me an Edward New Moon cup!!! I knew if I got too scared during the movie, I could hug Edward and all would be safe.

Between boredom and disturbing, but a little past the ocean

Hello, fronts, it’s been a long time. Highlights of things that occurred between my boredom post, my disturbing post, and just after my trip to Cali.

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Happy hour

So, my little LIF I had to train, way back when, came back for more training. He was only here for 2 weeks. He was all upset that I wasn’t going to be there to train him on stuff. But, um, hello….YOU TOOK MY JOB!!!! He asked about my last day, and my new start date for the new job and why couldn’t I be there to train him… blah, blah, blah…Again…Hello, YOU TOOK MY JOB!

Anyways, he was here for two weeks. Part of those two weeks overlapped my drip to FL. He wanted to get together while he was here. I set up a HH for the second week he was here. Had a good time. The watering hole selected seemed to have a good HH menu. They had 32oz drafts for $3.50!! HELLO!! Meanie and I asked what the draft specials were when we got there and got Blue Moon. Halfway through my Blue Moon, thanks to my lack of eating, I was totally getting tipsy. I could feel myself getting all sway-y and loosey-goosey. I had to eat ASAP. Had some pizza, felt better. But holy cow, once it hit me, it hit me hard. When it was time to settle up, we found out the Blue Moon was $8 not $3.50. Asked the waitress about it. She said she told us those were premium and not part of HH. Lying fucking bitch. We asked about the HH stuff, and mentioned the word HH a million times when ordering…she never said anything about Premium. We paid, and Tourettes was with us, she said DO NOT TIP. I can’t totally screw people over…so I left her a little less than 10%. Fucking bitch.

The HH was fun, LIF took lots of pictures. I was happy to see him for a bit while he was here.

Spoke too soon on the boredom

After I said I was bored and didn’t have anything to do at work, I was doled out a task!! WOO HOO!!! All data entry!! WOO HOO!!!! At least it got me in the system and gave me something to do. Even though it’s boring as fuck. And I’ve been doing more training, and slowly building my arsenal of capabilities. ROCK OUT!!

Holy fucking frigid batman.

Cold front came in this week. Went from 80-something down to 60-something. Not bad...however the overnight temp drop is like just hovering over freezing. I had to put my heat on this morning. The temp inside the condo was 61. Fatboy is all cold and wants to cuddle to keep warm. I can’t hold him and work, so I gave him a blanket while he sleeps next to me. He seems to be doing better. But this morning though, after I woke up and threw on some clothes, and took Jaeger out, I went to go potty. The toilette seat was so cold, I thought for sure my ass was going to freeze to it…I’d be needing to sending a little SOS to god knows who about helping me release myself from the seat.

Anyways, so my heat is on (66), and I’m still chilly.

However, this weekend, temps supposed to rise to 90! God I love Arizona and the inconsistency of the fall weather. I thought Chicago was supposed to be bad… Phoenix is definitely proving it’s nothing to shake a stick at.

NEW MOON NEW MOON NEW MOON!!!!!!

I BOUGHT TICKETS FOR THE MIDNIGHT SHOW!!!!! I BOUGHT TICKETS FOR THE MIDNIGHT SHOW!!!! I BOUGHT TICKETS FOR THE MIDNIGHT SHOW!!!!! I BOUGHT TICKETS FOR THE MIDNIGHT SHOW!!!!

Meanie, Skank, and I are braving the pre-pubescent crowds yet again for the midnight viewing of what will sure be a cinematic classic!! And we are doing the double feature option, of seeing Twilight beforehand. Hell, if have to wait for hours before the show, might as well watch a movie!

God, is it Nov 19th yet?? I really, really, really need me some new Edward to drool over. I miss him.

And I'm a little excited to see this one all wet and half dressed...I'll never be Team Jacob...but I'm always pro eye candy. Ha cha cha!!

Speaking of New Moon

The soundtrack…LOVE IT!!! There are 3 songs I’m not crazy about, but one of them is really starting to grow on me. I have been having my own soundtrack playing in my mind for the series, of course, none of my songs are featured. I can’t see where the songs go in the movie. All I have to say is that The Killers’ White Demon Love Song is sooooo anti-Edward and amazing. It’s great.

Dinner dates.

Meanie, CC and I had dinner last Friday. Topic of conversation…ways of dying. It started with scary movie talks. I mentioned Ghost Ship…stupid movie, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it (remember Hitler???). So there were all these mass ways that people were being killed, and all I could think of was how would I want to die, if I was on that ship??? For weeks after, it was all I could think about it. And it started to freak me out. So I mentioned to CC and Meanie that I think if I had to choose extreme heat or cold as my way of dying, I take cold. Figuring that eventually I’ll feel warm, fall asleep and never wake up. CC and Meanie said heat was the way to go, seeing that you’d get all delirious and crazy, you’d have no clue what would be going on and then you’d die. Meanie said something along the lines that if you get saved from freezing to death, you’d have no limbs from all the frozenness, whereas with dying, you’d still be intact, but mentally impaired. I said I’d rather lose my fingers and keep my mind, than remain physically the same, but have the mental capacity of a three year old. CC said, yeah, but you wouldn’t know you weren’t normal!!

Then we talked about the movie Paranormal State. Meanie said she was looking online and found out the ending. So I told her to tell me about it. And she did. We both want to see it, but are a little apprehensive. When I went home (alone, fatty was staying at my parents’ since I was heading north in the morning to visit a friend for the rest of the weekend)…I started thinking again about ways of dying, the Paranormal Activity…and I spooked myself out. I couldn’t go to sleep until 2am. I kept thinking I heard things going bump in the night, and wondering if there were any ghosties visiting me.


Speaking of Paranormal Activity…


Going to see it this weekend with Meanie, Meanie’s friend, and a coworker from the old place. It’s only an hour and half long, which I’m sure will provide a life time of torment and trauma. I don’t know what I want to see this movie, but I have to…I NEED TO!!! It’s some crazy obsession. I’m excited and terrified all at the same time. I’m sleeping at my parents’ house afterwards, so I don’t have to be home alone!!

God help me!


And speaking of the old job…


Things are moving so well over there in the land of the great Indian take over. And I was asked if I would be willing to come back, part time from home. Seeing that I loved my team so much (or at least SuperJ, CwJ, and Meanie), I said yes. SuperJ was in the talks with the powers that be, and it got approved today. I told SuperJ, I’m hearing the Welcome Back Kotter theme song in my head.


I have to say, I really, really hope that whoever thought this off shore business was going to work is thoroughly kicking themselves in the ass. There’s been sooooo many fuck ups with trying to make it work, that I wonder if they’ll really see the financial outcome they were hoping for. I don’t see them gaining profits for a long time to come giving all the money they have to dish out first.

Swift move, aces.

And, as much as I love my team, I will not be giving parting gifts on my second exit. But I’m happy to be back, even if I’m not going to be in the office every day.



The Mama!!

GREAT NEWS ON MY MOM!!! Cancer levels in her blood is now at a normal level. The tumor still needs to shrink some before they can remove it, but it’s dying away. She had a rough month in September and didn’t have chemo the entire month, but when she did her scan just after that, the tumor hadn’t grown any. It had stayed the same size as the previous scan 6 weeks prior. So that’s really really good!!



The Pioneer Woman.

I love PW. Her cookbook was just released. I pre-ordered it from the crack dealer. And she’s going to be in Tempe next week. I’m going to see her…get my book signed, and if I’m lucky maybe even a picture!! Crazy excited about that.


Make new friends…but keep the old…


One is silver and the other gold. That little ditty is one of 3 maybe 4 things I remember from my brownie/girl scout days. Hitler and I went to the meeting. We had 5 girls to assist with the loom hats. One girl was sooo unfocused and such a chatterbox. Good lord she was annoying. But I didn’t swear, say anything inappropriate or anything. SCORE FOR ME!! But, we were there for 2 hours helping them loom. I could have made at least one hate in that amount of time…I think they might have gotten 4 rows max. And I had to sacrifice my loom hook. One little girl, who was sooo quiet and focused, didn’t have one, and I leant her mine. She was looming soooo tightly, that she was bending my hook. I can just go to Mike’s and buy a new one for a couple of bucks… She can keep the bent one.



It’s a classic…

New BC42 read….are you ready for this??? Pride and Prejudice!! I KNOW!!! You are totally shitting yourself aren’t you?? God knows I was when I started reading, then paused so Tuschka could read it with me. I needed to find out what was soooo special about this Mr. Darcy character. I mean, is he really better than Edward?? Some seem to think so. But Edward is pretty high on my pedestal, so I don’t know how Darcy can reach. Plus in the 1st BC42 book, the chicky was all about the Darcy. So, we are going to read it now.
However, I started a smutty Megan Hart book that I need to finish first…ha cha cha. Tempted- it starts with a BANG!!!


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Okay…I’ve fronted. I know I missed stuff…but I don’t know what else to say right now. I might have to make an amendment tomorrow or this weekend.


Rock out, homies!!

Training, California style.

Did a whirlwind training/business trip yesterday. Flew to LAX to see some on-site training done for a lab in a hospital. Sounds exciting, I know. The morning got off to a bumpy start. First the flight was at 7am...so I set my alarm for 4:30am (an hour a don't like seeing, unless it's because I haven't gone to bed yet), and I kept waking up because I was afraid of oversleeping. Then the alarm buzzed, I turned it off and proceeded to fall back asleep for another half hour. Score. I was all a flury trying to get ready ASAP.

Got to the airport, had a long massively b/s line to go through with security and got to the gate about 20min before boarding. Got on the plane, and the pilot said there's a "spot" on the tire and they are changing it out to be safe. The tire gets changed...and looky here....the breaks are bad too. So we have to get off the plane and reboard. Here's the big bitch of the matter. We were flying Southwest, and both my aunt and I had A passes and sat towards the back of the plane...so when we got off we were at the end of the line! And they didn't reboard us by letters, just in the order in which we got off the plane. So my aunt and I are pretty much screwed in seat selection now... luckily, we sat further back and weren't stuck with an aisle seat. By the time we took off, it was after our arrival time for LAX.

So we land, and go get our car. A pretty little white mustang convertible. Did you know that even though Mustangs are supposed to beefy and fast and all GRRRR on the road, they aren't?? I think my crappy 2005 Lancer has more oomph than that mustang. Seriously. But the weather was gorgeous and it was great having the top down.

We arrive at the hospital (at 10:20, and we were supposed to be there by 10), and we meet our lab service partner that we team with for this hospital with lab processing. She and my aunt have been working together on these set-ups for a long time and she was really really really nice. She tells us the primary person we are supposed to train isn't in yet, so we are just waiting. At 11 we ask again "Where's Heidi??"...still not here...11:30....still not here. Someone suggests we train 2 other techs while waiting for the elusive Heidi. I watch my aunt do the training, it's all basic simple, she trains the 2 ladies (who were 'just show me what to do quickly so I can continue my work), it's 12 and in walks Heidi. She tells us to grab lunch, and she'll train with second shift at 1. We go for lunch, come back, and Heidi 'has a task to finish' before she can train, but told us to train another person and she'll be right there. My aunt does the quick training, and Heidi doesn't come around. Says maybe at 3 when the night shift starts, blah, blah, blah. Well, due to our flight out, my aunt I can't do that. Heidi says no worries, she'll just talk to one of the techs.

We spent most of the day standing around doing nothing, maybe worked/watched (in my case) for about an hour. Auntie said this could have gone another way where she trains one person after the next for 5 hours, or you train a couple of people and you leave after one...we got lucky.

Well, what should one do while in Santa Monica, by the ocean, with the convertible??? Go cruising!!! We land ourselves on Pacific Coast Highway, and drive up to Malibu. I'm such a sucker for large bodies of water. The sight, the sound, the breeze. Heaven. Since I try not to leave my home with out my camera, I had it with me.

I took a picture similar to this on my cell and sent it to all the important people: mom, Hitler, CwJ, SuperJ, Ms M, Tuschka, PPE, Skank....

This is my new background for the computer. I booted fatty off.

Venice beach, at the pier.

Me and Malibu.

This slow introduction to the new job is kinda nice. Especially filled with some "business" travel when not much business is actually getting done. I know it's not going to last forever, and I should enjoy it while I can.

Rock out, in the ocean.