I'm drying out.

Went to Tampa this week. Can anyone say “HOLY FUCKING HUMIDITY”????

HOLY FUCKING HUMIDITY!!!

When I got out of the airport with my glasses on, they fogged up. It was 5PM. And I was blind, well not totally blind, but highly impaired with serious cataracts. Not fun.

Not to mention the amount of water I inhaled that was hanging in the air. I was afraid that I was going to die in my sleep from a dry drowning.

Well, I did some training this week. I have a better grasp of what sort of services are provided and what I’m supposed to support. But I still don’t have any real work yet. I’m supposed to sit and train/learn with my aunt, but she’s going to be out of town next week. So I don’t know what I’ll be doing next week to fill my time.

I also got to meet my new boss lady, the big boss lady, and the boss man. There is a little spread of supervisors the boss lady and boss man are on the same level, but have different responsibilities, and the big boss lady is over the both of them. We all, the 3 bosses, my aunt and myself, went to dinner together on Wednesday night. After dinner we went back to boss ladies house (minus the big boss lady) to chill and chat and DRINK! I was good, I had only 1 vodka cranberry, my aunt and boss man had at least 4 dirty martinis. I became the designated driver rather quickly- which is fine with me.

The evening conversation touched on a couple of topics, but suddenly went south for me when we were talking pets and the struggle to put on down. My aunt in a past life was a vet tech and stated that she thinks it’s wrong for an owner to leave the room when the pet is being put down, boss man said that with his one dog, he was unable to do it…he couldn’t handle it. Then the conversation kept going and going about pets dying.

Now let me digress for just a little bit…I’m a HUGE animal lover and hate seeing anything happen to animals, I can’t watch animal movies, hate reading animal/pet books. Usually anything pet related kills me. Hell I cried in Cujo when they killed him.

So, as Ca (my aunt) and Boss Man are talking about “to stay/not stay” with your pets, I start thinking about Sam, my first dog who passed away in December 2002. Sam was sick, getting fluid in the lungs and around her heart. I was living with Hitler in an apartment at the time, left Sam at home with mom and dad, but I saw her all the time. She was the family dog, but more mine than anyone else’s. And I la-la-loved her. She was my first baby. But when it was really bad, and we knew we had to put her down, I was at mom’s house, holding her up in my lap, so she wasn’t gasping for air as much, and just cried and cried, and cried. Hitler and Bobo were trying to get a hold of the vet to bring her in, but the office was really busy and they kept telling them to call back later. After a while of calling and waiting they decided to just go to the office. I couldn’t go with. I was a hysterical mess and I couldn’t take her in and put her down. I know that her time was up, but I couldn’t physically make that 2 mile drive and wait in the office, then the room, and watch her as she was put to sleep. Hitler took Sam, Bobo drove and once they got to the office Sam essentially died in Hitler’s arms. Bobo went to check in and said “Um, I think my dog just died.” They said the office went into a flurry and they put them in a room and were going to resuscitate Sam, but Hitler told them that they’ve been calling to bring her in to put her down, but was told to call back because they were busy. The office gave Sam the shot, to be sure. And she was gone. And I couldn’t be there for her. A part of me likes to think that she was able to go, because I wasn’t there with her.

As the conversation between Ca and Boss Man continued, all I could think about was how I left Sam. Granted she was with Hitler and Bobo, but I still left Sam. Then I thought about how hard it will be with me and Jaeger. He’s all mine. More all mine than Sam was. I know I have to stay with him, but I’m going to be more of a mess than with I was with Sam. So as all this pet dying/stay/not stay talk is going on, my eyes start to tear up. I tell myself over and over again “do not cry, do not cry, do not cry”. I’m struggling to keep myself together. Thinking of Sam, her dying, my leaving her, and then Jaeger’s when the time comes… little tears just quietly falling, and I’m trying to compose myself with every ounce of my being.

Then Boss Man asks, “L, have you ever had to put a pet down?”

My voice cracks and said that when the family dog died, I couldn’t go with, my siblings took her, and I left her because I couldn’t do it, and I don’t know how I’m going to do it with Jaeger.

FLOOD GATES OPEN!! FLOOD GATES OPEN!! FLOOD GATES OPEN!!!

I leave the room and go to the bathroom. I breathe, and breathe, and breathe. I just took an emotional cliff dive in front of the 2 new bosses and people I had just met. GO ME!! Eventually I calm down and join the little party.

I can hardly remember what was talked about after that, but all I could think about was how I was a Debbie Downer, totally. And I cried in front of the new sups.

We left Boss Lady's just after 11, took Boss man to his hotel, then got back to ours around midnight. On a second wind and still feeling like we were 3 hours off schedule, Ca and I stayed up a bit longer. I apologized to her for my crazy emotional reaction. She told me not to worry about it. I still felt like an ass.

Then Thursday I did some more training with the village idiot, but luckily, since I don’t know much of what’s going on I really didn’t know how bad the training was that he was giving me. The boss lady and Ca were embarrassed though.

Hopped on a plane Thursday late afternoon and was home in the land of the dry desert by 7.
It was a total whirlwind 3 days. And I’m a little discombobulated with time/week orientation right now. Luckily though, I’m drying out, and I have a renewed appreciation for ‘dry heat’ even though it is only 72 right now.

Rock out, with your dry emotional cock out!!