I love scary movies- but I hate the pop outs. And I like scary movies more when there is someone watching it with me more scared than me. The best person for me to watch scary movies with is Bobo. I can't help but laugh at him because he usually covers his eyes with a pillow (if we are home) and he'll scream like a little girl. Can someone please tell me why it's so satisfying to see a guy scream like a little girl?? It gives me fits of laughter and giggling- I start to cry, I get cramps, and if I look at the person (mainly Bobo) I start to spazz all over again.
When The Exorcist was re-released in the theater, Bobo, Hitler and myself went to go see it. Before the previews started I asked Bobo if I could hold his hand if I got scared (it will help calm me down). He replied with a "No- don't touch me you freak" type answer. Every preview he'd flail, grab me, in the process scare me, and say "OMG it's a preview!!!". Then the movie starts...and surprisingly the Exorcist isn't nearly as scary as I remember it. However, poor little Bobo was damn near pissing in his pants. Karma's a fucking bitch... And I think at one point he asked to hold my hand.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: Bobo and I saw a late showing of this movie, and there were maybe 10 people in the theater. At the end of the movie with the crazy snaky thing- Bobo was starting to get a little nervous. The snaky thing did a little pop out- and the Bobo did a little girl scream in the theater. Uncontrollable laughter erupted from me.
Exorcism of Emily Rose: this one takes the cake for me... Watching this at Hitler and Ava's (while Hitler was gestating Mr Boo). During the movie Bobo gets up to facilitate the facilities- when he exists the bathroom, it scares Rex (Hitler and Ava's jumpy cattle dog), and Rex lets out a massive Peter Brady bark. Bobo screams and says "thank God I just peed, or else I would have pissed myself!".
After the movie is down- Bobo and I are ready to retreat home, and it's late. Bobo complains about going home alone (SIL was in Mexico at the time) and how he wishes he could have a big burly guy like Ava to cuddle next to while he slept. I recommended that he crawl in bed with Ava and Hitler, since they have a king, he would fit nicely in the middle. Ava didn't agree. So when Bobo and I are walking to our cars, we are talking in the drive way. Bobo's still bitching about the home alone business...and I say that he should call Hitler and Ava at 3am and tell them he's scared. He said that if he wakes up at 3am he's going to shit then kill himself (bad things happened between 3-330am in movie, since that was the Antichrist hour). I laughed and went home (alone).
The next morning I'm at the parentals, and I tell mom about the scary movie/Bobo trauma. Naturally, I'm laughing and crying as I retell. Mom said that Bobo called her around 8am telling her he couldn't sleep all night and he was freaked out by the movie. HAHA!! And he told her not to tell Hitler/Ava or myself....HAHA!!! Love the mom.
Bobo's a great source of entertainment. If anybody wants to turn horror/suspense into a comedy, I'll rent him out for a small fee.
BOO!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
I spread like a disease.
It’s a well known fact that I’m Twilight obsessed. I’ve spread my addiction like a disease. First to Tuschka (who then created her own outbreak), then Hitler, Mom, Skanky-Skank, CC, my coworker who’s yet to be nicknamed (I really need to get on that)…and they’ve all done their own spreading of the Twilight love. And finally the last person on my Twilight infection list- Ms. M.
Ms. M was refusing to read the books- all her fellow teachers were ga-ga for Twilight, and I’m so obsessed that I need an intervention. She thought I was slightly nuts for seeing it at the midnight show, and then proceeded to see it 6 more times in the theater. She said that she doesn’t read trendy and she’s not one for vampires. So I decided that I couldn’t take her not knowing the greatness of Twilight any longer and bought her the set for Christmas.
I was talking to her the other night about the books and where she was and what she was thinking so far. It took her about a month to read Twilight, a couple of days for New Moon, and she’s in the middle of Eclipse right now. We’ve had multiple conversations about how she better be Team Edward, or else I’d seriously have to re-evaluate the friendship. She came up with a neutral answer after Twilight, saying that she loves the love Bella has for Edward- even though he’s dangerous for her and could hurt her, she doesn’t care and loves him anyway. Blah, blah, blah. Which I understand, but, really, Edward's hot- regardless of the depth of Bella’s love. Anyway, this time when we were talking about it, she was telling me that all the sexual tension was starting to kill her. She needs someone to have sex.
Peace out, rock out, cock out.
Ms. M was refusing to read the books- all her fellow teachers were ga-ga for Twilight, and I’m so obsessed that I need an intervention. She thought I was slightly nuts for seeing it at the midnight show, and then proceeded to see it 6 more times in the theater. She said that she doesn’t read trendy and she’s not one for vampires. So I decided that I couldn’t take her not knowing the greatness of Twilight any longer and bought her the set for Christmas.
I was talking to her the other night about the books and where she was and what she was thinking so far. It took her about a month to read Twilight, a couple of days for New Moon, and she’s in the middle of Eclipse right now. We’ve had multiple conversations about how she better be Team Edward, or else I’d seriously have to re-evaluate the friendship. She came up with a neutral answer after Twilight, saying that she loves the love Bella has for Edward- even though he’s dangerous for her and could hurt her, she doesn’t care and loves him anyway. Blah, blah, blah. Which I understand, but, really, Edward's hot- regardless of the depth of Bella’s love. Anyway, this time when we were talking about it, she was telling me that all the sexual tension was starting to kill her. She needs someone to have sex.
Little digression- When I first picked up Twilight a mere 18 months ago, I had no idea the power it would have over me. I remember seeing it at my Borders doing a feature on local AZ authors and here’s this new little book about a high school girl falling for a vampire- and I didn’t want to get it then, but made a mental note for a later purchase. The mental note turned into a mental fart, because I forgot all about it (I did have the random thoughts of 'what was that book I wanted to read about young vampy love??'). Then when Eclipse came out, and I read how the book that knocked Harry Potter out of #1 on the seller’s chart, I was intrigued. Low and behold- it was that little book I saw 3 years earlier. I went out and got Twilight, thinking the book is 500pgs, I’m going to Weeny’s for a week (it was her BIG wedding, and I had MOH duties to fulfill prior to the BIG day), and since I was going to be busy 1 500pg book should be enough for the week (normally, pre-kindle, I would take 2-3 books minimum for any vacation). So I finished Twilight in 3 days, and told Weeny I needed to get to the book store ASAP to buy the other 2 books. And while I was reading Eclipse, the chaste sexual tension was building up, and I thought I was going to die… I was having breakfast with Tuschka one free morning at the peak of the tension, and I was telling her about this book and how it’s sooo hot and nothing sexually is going on, but it’s sooo hot, and I can’t take it anymore. Then said the famous line “I need them to fucking fuck already!” Which is what I say to anyone reading Twilight- especially Eclipse- it’s hot and you are going to be begging for some action, needing them to fucking fuck. As a little side note- it still took me 6 months to get Tuschka to read Twilight- she was going to barrow it from some friends, I got tired of waiting and bought the books and sent them to her.
Back to the story…
So, Ms M is feeling the sexual tension. I told her the “fucking fuck” story, again, because she has heard many, many times in my Twilight obsessed conversations with her. Now, she gets it. I ask her again if she’s leaning on the Team Edward side. She told me “I’m on the team who’s going to have sex first. I don’t care if it’s Edward of Jacob. That’s the team I’m on.”
Back to the story…
So, Ms M is feeling the sexual tension. I told her the “fucking fuck” story, again, because she has heard many, many times in my Twilight obsessed conversations with her. Now, she gets it. I ask her again if she’s leaning on the Team Edward side. She told me “I’m on the team who’s going to have sex first. I don’t care if it’s Edward of Jacob. That’s the team I’m on.”
HA!!!
Another one bites the dust.
Another one bites the dust.
Peace out, rock out, cock out.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Dirty, Megan Hart
Um..... HO-LY COW!!!! If you are looking for a little bit a smut with a little bit of substance, read Dirty by Megan Hart. You won't be disappointed.
There's an actual story line- not your typical romantic comedy stuff- but kinda dark and heavy. And the sex isn't like reading porn either, which isn't always fun in a smut book. The lead stud, Dan, has a commanding presence- in control, but not dominating- and some mystery. You're not quite sure what his deal is. Elle, the lead chick, has some issues (that's where the dark/heavy comes in) that she tries to ignore and she's very rigid and routine (but slightly skanky as she reveals she has slept with 78 different guys before Dan, and just came of a 3 year gap of celibacy, and she's not even 30 yet).
To give a little clue to some of the hotness in the book- here's a snippet- it's in chapter 4 (I don't know what page, because the Kindle doesn't do page numbers)
To give a little clue to some of the hotness in the book- here's a snippet- it's in chapter 4 (I don't know what page, because the Kindle doesn't do page numbers)
"He rolled on top of me, skin to skin. He was hard where I was soft. Rough where I was smooth. Straight where I curved. Man and woman, puzzle pieces meant to fit."
Then the ha cha cha part starts. It was a quick read...started it Saturday and was done by Sunday. But it was very yummy!!
Speaking of yummy- did you see who was looking yummy and dapper at the Oscars??
Seriously yum!! Hehe!!
Rock out with your book out!!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
That's like soooo 1996!!
Friday had an enjoyable family dinner. The parentals; Hitler, Ava, and Mr Boo; Bobo and the SIL; and little ol' me. I realized that I haven't made much mention of the Bobo at all, which is a shame, because he is an entertaining person, but kinda hard to put down into words. After dinner, we went back to the parentals (minus the Hitler crew, since it was approaching somebody's bed time). I asked my brother (who has shit for communication skills, unless it's verbal and happening at that moment) if he got the email I sent him about a new musical artist guy that I had recently found out about (Bobo, being a musical guy himself tends to listen to less mainstream music and feels that his taste/knowledge is far superior to us simple non-musical folks). He asked who, because he doesn't remember what/when I emailed him. So I reiterate that he needs to check out Sufjan Stevens, he responds that he is already in the know about him and has some of his music. Then I spout off my other new favs (discussed here). And I told him that I have some Kings of Leon cds (ha cha CHA) in the car and did he want to listen. His response:
"God, L, you still buy CDs?? That's like soooo 1996!!"
Evidently you are only worth the size of your MP3 player, and mine's only 1GB. Size matters, no matter what anyone ever tells you, and somethings can never be too big.
I think he might have actually liked the music. Normally he doesn't like anything I recommend. I feel honored and special.
"God, L, you still buy CDs?? That's like soooo 1996!!"
Evidently you are only worth the size of your MP3 player, and mine's only 1GB. Size matters, no matter what anyone ever tells you, and somethings can never be too big.
I think he might have actually liked the music. Normally he doesn't like anything I recommend. I feel honored and special.
Friday, February 20, 2009
The medicinal qualities of McDonalds
I have hinted in a couple of other posts (here and here) about how great McD’s is for a hang over. It was wise words from my mother. She’s a smart lady. After one of my first times getting annihilated by the alcohol, she advised that a burger, fries, and a coke from McD would cure me, and if it was still breakfast time hashbrowns would work as a nice substitute. Nothing proves the great powers that McD’s has more then the story of day after my 21st birthday.
Please….lets step back in time…
I had turned 21 during the week and planned a fun all night binge at my parents’ house. Seeing that not everyone in the group was 21, we couldn’t go out at a group to the bars and it’s cheaper/easier to drink at home. It wasn’t a big to-do only a couple of friends could partake (Ms M, Tuschka, REG, and Bob) the sibs where there (naturally) and the parentals hid away for most of the evening. We consumed copious amounts of liquor- bottle of Goldschlager, Jose, Zima (HAHA!) topped with puckers (in lieu of jolly ranchers), beer, god knows what else. I just remember shots and the Zima being the main bevs of choice for me. Tuschka was playing the role as sober friend while we were all wasting away in alcohol induced bliss. I don’t remember much of the evening- other than playing patty cake with REG; tripping on the floor a couple of times; Ms M going to the bathroom, walked out about 2 steps and went right back in; saying good night to Ms M and REG and knocking my head so hard on theirs I’m surprised neither of us got a concussion. The best memory would be Tuschka putting me to bed and in the distance I hear “tick,tick,tick”. I grabbed my pants, stumbled down the hall to the kitchen, peak my head around the corner and ‘whisper’ “Tuschka….there’s a BOMB we gotta get out of here. I got my pants!” still hiding behind the wall, I show her the pants…the look of shock on uptight Bob’s face- priceless. Tuschka tells me there’s no bomb, she hit the stove and it ticked. She directs me back to bed. I sleep.
Hours later I wake… and head back downstairs where all my homies (or is it homeys?) are at.
Everyone is up- we all express feelings of nausea. Also we all thing my house smells like ass. I yell up to my mom (who’s all into homeopathic/aromatherapy stuff) and ask her what the hell she’s burning in the diffuser. She shouts back that it’s fennel, a detoxifier, it will help us feel better after all the drinking, it will cleanse us. I tell her it smells like ass and to stop burning the fennel. Instead she opts to cut it with lavender- so now the house smells like flowery ass. We are dying downstairs with the smell- I kill the diffuser- and we begin to pray for some sort of salvation to save us from the odor and the mounting nausea. Queue my father- he asks how we are doing. I tell him we need McD’s in order to feel more human. He said he’ll make a run for us and asks what we want. I reply hashbrowns, lots and lots of hashbrowns- coke- oh and some biscuits. Dad leaves and what feels like an eternity he returns with 60 hashbrowns and bags of biscuits and various other goodies and cokes. He said he had to wait on the hashbrowns because they didn’t have enough made and the kid didn’t believe him that he needed 60 hashbrowns (he figured 10 for each of us and some spares just incase). We scarf and slurp… relief is instantaneous. THANK YOU MCD’S!!!
Tuschka and I still laugh about:
“Remember when your/my dad got us 60 hashbrowns from McD’s after your/my birthday”
“What was up with the fennel ass crap your/my mom was burning??” (hell after the festivities, the friends refused to drink at my house if mom was going to burn the fennel or any other scent to cleanse us)
“Tuschka….. I think there’s a BOMB!!! And I got my pants!"
Ms M and I laugh about her going to the bathroom, coming out of the bathroom, to turn around and go back in. She was trying to be all on the DL with the vomiting. (She has a theory that if she pukes before sleep she’ll have a decreased hangover or none at all.) And the head clonk when I had to say goodnight to everyone.
Ahhhhh………youth, and the powers of McD’s. It’s magical!!
Monday, February 16, 2009
Channeling Carol-Ann: I'm baaaaa-aaaaack!!!
You missed me- admit it- you missed me more than words could even express....
The trip to Pittsburgh was a success. There wasn't high-end excitement. A lot of talking, laughing, and hanging out. Relaxing. It was great. Highlights of the trip with PPE worth talking about would be: seeing Friday 13th on Friday the 13th, meeting the main cast in PPE's life (S&J and TWAH, the new guy PPE just starting dating), a Valentine's Day Tri-date (as TWAH was calling it). Most of the extended weekend was really just hanging out watching movies and chatting.
Friday 13th...HORRIBLE movie. I know that there is virtually never really a "storyline" with slasher flicks, but this one really, really, really, really didn't have anything. At all. Pro- Jared Padalecki. He's yummy- not as yummy as his Supernatural counterpart, but yummy. And there were so many pop outs- that I looked like I was having a continuous seizure for 90 minutes...and that's with me closing my eyes when I knew something was going to happen. PPE seemed to be amused by the flailing.
Cast of Characters: had dinner Thursday night to meet S&J and TWAH. Actually everyone was meeting everyone- the only common denomenator at dinner was PPE. S&J- are a couple that PPE spends a lot of time with and TWAH, as I've mentioned, is the new flame. It was great putting faces/names together after hearing so much about everyone. The conversation flowed easily during dinner and there was lots of laughing. And apparently the S&J liked me so much that they told PPE the next time I'm in Pitts...I'm staying with them, not him. However they did mention something about a doll collection and dinner, and I have an irrational doll phobia, so that won't be happening anytime soon.
The V-day Tri-date: First off let me say that I'm typically not one for the V-day celebration, not because I'm a bitter, single, 29 year old chick (woman sounds weird, and girl seems even odder)...but it's too Hallmark, and I don't like the fact that there's one day designated on the calendar of when you are supposed to be uber romantic with the person you are dating. SO the tri-date... I was totally taken aback that TWAH actually had gotten me a V-day gift, super sweet and totally unexpected. He took me and PPE to Mt Washington too see a look out spot to see downtown Pitts, and to show me there's more to Pittsburgh then McKnight Rd (a large shopping mecca/street that PPE lives off of and hardly ever leaves)...he also drove us around various areas of the city. We went to lunch at Point Brugge Cafe, which was totally delish!! We did a little cosmic bowling (I didn't do to shabby: 83, 95, 85 which is fairly amazing for me, poor PPE didn't do so well and TWAH kicked our butts with breaking or getting close to 100). And we saw Coraline (great movie!!). Pre-TWAH, PPE and I were talking about seeing My Bloody Valentine on V-day...I'm kinda happy we didn't, due to the 3D nature of the film, and I wasn't ready for another seizure. Then we went back to PPE's for some sparkling wine and more chatter. Again the day was filled with great conversation, laughter and company.
I'm really happy that I went....and it wasn't me and PPE talking back and forth about making a trip happen. It was also great being able to converse freely with out limitations of texting. Now, I just need to get his ass out here to the lovely desert.
Also- I suck and didn't take a damn picture at all on the trip. OOPS!!
The trip to Pittsburgh was a success. There wasn't high-end excitement. A lot of talking, laughing, and hanging out. Relaxing. It was great. Highlights of the trip with PPE worth talking about would be: seeing Friday 13th on Friday the 13th, meeting the main cast in PPE's life (S&J and TWAH, the new guy PPE just starting dating), a Valentine's Day Tri-date (as TWAH was calling it). Most of the extended weekend was really just hanging out watching movies and chatting.
Friday 13th...HORRIBLE movie. I know that there is virtually never really a "storyline" with slasher flicks, but this one really, really, really, really didn't have anything. At all. Pro- Jared Padalecki. He's yummy- not as yummy as his Supernatural counterpart, but yummy. And there were so many pop outs- that I looked like I was having a continuous seizure for 90 minutes...and that's with me closing my eyes when I knew something was going to happen. PPE seemed to be amused by the flailing.
Cast of Characters: had dinner Thursday night to meet S&J and TWAH. Actually everyone was meeting everyone- the only common denomenator at dinner was PPE. S&J- are a couple that PPE spends a lot of time with and TWAH, as I've mentioned, is the new flame. It was great putting faces/names together after hearing so much about everyone. The conversation flowed easily during dinner and there was lots of laughing. And apparently the S&J liked me so much that they told PPE the next time I'm in Pitts...I'm staying with them, not him. However they did mention something about a doll collection and dinner, and I have an irrational doll phobia, so that won't be happening anytime soon.
The V-day Tri-date: First off let me say that I'm typically not one for the V-day celebration, not because I'm a bitter, single, 29 year old chick (woman sounds weird, and girl seems even odder)...but it's too Hallmark, and I don't like the fact that there's one day designated on the calendar of when you are supposed to be uber romantic with the person you are dating. SO the tri-date... I was totally taken aback that TWAH actually had gotten me a V-day gift, super sweet and totally unexpected. He took me and PPE to Mt Washington too see a look out spot to see downtown Pitts, and to show me there's more to Pittsburgh then McKnight Rd (a large shopping mecca/street that PPE lives off of and hardly ever leaves)...he also drove us around various areas of the city. We went to lunch at Point Brugge Cafe, which was totally delish!! We did a little cosmic bowling (I didn't do to shabby: 83, 95, 85 which is fairly amazing for me, poor PPE didn't do so well and TWAH kicked our butts with breaking or getting close to 100). And we saw Coraline (great movie!!). Pre-TWAH, PPE and I were talking about seeing My Bloody Valentine on V-day...I'm kinda happy we didn't, due to the 3D nature of the film, and I wasn't ready for another seizure. Then we went back to PPE's for some sparkling wine and more chatter. Again the day was filled with great conversation, laughter and company.
I'm really happy that I went....and it wasn't me and PPE talking back and forth about making a trip happen. It was also great being able to converse freely with out limitations of texting. Now, I just need to get his ass out here to the lovely desert.
Also- I suck and didn't take a damn picture at all on the trip. OOPS!!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Leaving on a jet plane
Heading out of town tomorrow. I know, I know…you are thinking wasn’t I just out of town. Well, yes I was, but now it’s time for another trip. Going to Pittsburgh. Doesn’t Pittsburgh sound like a dreamy place to vacation? Be jealous, very jealous.
What’s bringing me Pittsburgh? A great friend that I technically haven’t met yet. I say technically, because I have seen him in the flesh for about 5 seconds just after we started talking. We met at my former place of employment. I was in the Scottsdale office and he was my counterpart in New Orleans…after the go to person that he mainly interfaced with was canned, he started coming to me for help/questions then the email became friendly. After a couple of weeks- he came to the Scottsdale office for some “superstar employee” thing that was going on with all the offices. He was getting a tour- we saw, we hugged, he went on his way, and I didn’t see him again.
It’s a modern day pen pal friendship for almost 4 years now. Mainly emailing back and forth daily, texting started this summer, and then the first phone call was at Christmas (with a couple calls to follow). The texting brought the communication between us into high gear. Everyday starts with a good morning text and ends with good night. (Hitler hates being around me- my phone dings like trolley with the texts.) The communication ties are now pretty contstant.
Just before Christmas I had I dream where he and I were on vacation together- being driven to some mansion on the ocean. We sat next to each other and just texted back and forth. The only sounds being made were chuckles. Then we arrive at the mansion and the owner, some old guy wants to show me something in the basement…on the walk down the stairs my outfit changes to where I’m in a toga (I have no clue, so don’t ask) and the old guy wants me to find this “amazing cleaning rag” in the laundry. Off in the distance, while I’m rag hunting, I hear from the top of the stairs, “L?? I’ve tried texting you, but you didn’t respond. I’d like to make some tea, do you know where I can find it?” The old guy responded just as I was about to head upstairs that one of the servants would help him with the tea. At the time all I could think was “OMG, he has a voice!! He actually speaks!!” and “Why the fuck am I wearing a toga???” . I was totally tripping out about “hearing” him speak, since we hadn’t at that point in time. So when he called me on Christmas he made a snarky comment about asking for tea.
We’ve been talking for a while about either him coming here or my going there…and it turns out that I’m going there. So tomorrows the big day…approximately 26 hours to go. I’m excited and the few nerves that I did have, have subsided for the most part. The biggest thing that was plaguing me was not recognizing him at the airport, but I’ve gotten over that. I’m ready for the weekend and finally being able to really meet him face to face.
What’s bringing me Pittsburgh? A great friend that I technically haven’t met yet. I say technically, because I have seen him in the flesh for about 5 seconds just after we started talking. We met at my former place of employment. I was in the Scottsdale office and he was my counterpart in New Orleans…after the go to person that he mainly interfaced with was canned, he started coming to me for help/questions then the email became friendly. After a couple of weeks- he came to the Scottsdale office for some “superstar employee” thing that was going on with all the offices. He was getting a tour- we saw, we hugged, he went on his way, and I didn’t see him again.
It’s a modern day pen pal friendship for almost 4 years now. Mainly emailing back and forth daily, texting started this summer, and then the first phone call was at Christmas (with a couple calls to follow). The texting brought the communication between us into high gear. Everyday starts with a good morning text and ends with good night. (Hitler hates being around me- my phone dings like trolley with the texts.) The communication ties are now pretty contstant.
Just before Christmas I had I dream where he and I were on vacation together- being driven to some mansion on the ocean. We sat next to each other and just texted back and forth. The only sounds being made were chuckles. Then we arrive at the mansion and the owner, some old guy wants to show me something in the basement…on the walk down the stairs my outfit changes to where I’m in a toga (I have no clue, so don’t ask) and the old guy wants me to find this “amazing cleaning rag” in the laundry. Off in the distance, while I’m rag hunting, I hear from the top of the stairs, “L?? I’ve tried texting you, but you didn’t respond. I’d like to make some tea, do you know where I can find it?” The old guy responded just as I was about to head upstairs that one of the servants would help him with the tea. At the time all I could think was “OMG, he has a voice!! He actually speaks!!” and “Why the fuck am I wearing a toga???” . I was totally tripping out about “hearing” him speak, since we hadn’t at that point in time. So when he called me on Christmas he made a snarky comment about asking for tea.
We’ve been talking for a while about either him coming here or my going there…and it turns out that I’m going there. So tomorrows the big day…approximately 26 hours to go. I’m excited and the few nerves that I did have, have subsided for the most part. The biggest thing that was plaguing me was not recognizing him at the airport, but I’ve gotten over that. I’m ready for the weekend and finally being able to really meet him face to face.
Monday, February 2, 2009
I've been hexed- or it's karma giving me a massive bitch slap...
I
Have
The
Stomach
Flu!
FUCK!!!
I got it from Boo- I called Hitler and told her that if her bastard son wasn't so fucking cute, I'd kill him.
Here's why I think I've possibly been hexed. Teasing by word association. My near and dear friend is had a first date on Friday- he's cooking dinner for a boy he's been eyeing. Dessert- lava cake.....what's so harmful about lave cake?? Let me tell you...
Lava makes me think of magma.
Magma has 2 associations: Dr Evil saying "Liquid hot magma" and smegma. In college I used to say "Liquid hot smegma" ALL THE TIME!!!!
So, in a round about way, lava makes me think of smegma.
I told near and dear that association and that I tend to call lava cakes smegma cakes. He called me a cold hearted bitch, and he was going to seek revenge. I was twitching with laughter. The word smegma makes me laugh....the definition is just icing on the cake. It's the way the word sounds and saying is super slow...OMG... I can't stop smiling.
Two days after the teasing- STOMACH FLU!!! FUCK!!! I sent him a text informing him that I've been hexed by the smegma. He says he feels bad for me, but I'm thinking way back in the crevasses of his subconscious he feels retribution has been paid.
Have
The
Stomach
Flu!
FUCK!!!
I got it from Boo- I called Hitler and told her that if her bastard son wasn't so fucking cute, I'd kill him.
Here's why I think I've possibly been hexed. Teasing by word association. My near and dear friend is had a first date on Friday- he's cooking dinner for a boy he's been eyeing. Dessert- lava cake.....what's so harmful about lave cake?? Let me tell you...
Lava makes me think of magma.
Magma has 2 associations: Dr Evil saying "Liquid hot magma" and smegma. In college I used to say "Liquid hot smegma" ALL THE TIME!!!!
So, in a round about way, lava makes me think of smegma.
I told near and dear that association and that I tend to call lava cakes smegma cakes. He called me a cold hearted bitch, and he was going to seek revenge. I was twitching with laughter. The word smegma makes me laugh....the definition is just icing on the cake. It's the way the word sounds and saying is super slow...OMG... I can't stop smiling.
Two days after the teasing- STOMACH FLU!!! FUCK!!! I sent him a text informing him that I've been hexed by the smegma. He says he feels bad for me, but I'm thinking way back in the crevasses of his subconscious he feels retribution has been paid.
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