GRRRRRRRRR HITLER!!!!!!!

Yesterday, I chatted with the Hitler in the A.M. about seeing New Moon (swoon) that night. She said her usual ambiguous response of "we'll see", and I went off to Oma's like I do every Saturday.

After I left Target, and was on my way to Cost Plus World Market, I get a text from Hitler saying "don't need to see movie tonight, I just saw it". A wave of shock and disbelief came over me, I call her....

Me: Did you really just see the movie??
Hitler: Yeah, Ava and his brother were going to see blah, blah, blah...and New Moon started 5 minutes before, so I decided to watch that instead.
Me: Shut the fuck up...you are joking right??
Hitler: No.
Me: You are lying what's the opening scene.
Hitler describes the opening....
Me: I hate you.

Then I hang up on her. I can't believe she saw it without me. Fucking bitch. I'm still bitter...YOU READ THAT HITLER!!! I'M STILL IRKED!!!!!! It will take me awhile to get over this one. Hitler said is was nice to watch the movie alone and not have me bothering her. I told her I can keep my hands and comments to myself and let her watch in peace.

As the Saturday progressed and I was getting more and more frustrated with Holiday, passive aggressive, indecisive, deaf Oma, I was getting more and more pissed with Hitler. New Moon would have been a nice reward at the end of my day from hell (which will continue every Saturday until after Christmas)...and I wasn't going to be seeing it, noooooooooooooo because fucking Hitler had to see it on her own. Fucking Hitler...ruining everything.

When I was driving home from Oma's she asked me if I was still mad. I told her I was (and currently still irked)...which then launched a discussion of how I need to get over it and it's just a movie. Yes, it's just a movie, it's just a story, blah, blah, blah...but it's something I LOVE!! And while I was highly aggravated and contemplating suicide, Hitler was watching New Moon...having a gay old time. Plus this takes my potential viewings down to 2, until the repeat offenders want to go. TWO TIMES!!!

I'm not going to forget this, Hitler...and when you need me to do something or to be your partner in crime I will say "remember when you saw New Moon without me????" and then tell you to fuck off. You are forewarned.

Rock out, with vengeance.

The commencement of the turkey day...

Well dinner went off without a hitch, even though there were some slight homicidal thoughts and tendencies, nobody got hurt. Well, except for Bobo...we did a little wrestling before he left, and he said he won because he pinned me on the couch longer...however I think I won since I pulled a chunk of hair, poked him in the eye, flipped him off of me on the couch, and when he had the 'winning pin' I bit him. I fight dirty.

Hitler asked me if I wanted to go to Michaels that night, because they were opened until 9, and then we won't have to go in the morning. I said fine, not that I needed anything, but still managed to find things to buy.

Hitler and I, for the past 4 years, started venturing out on this black Friday bullshit. Typically we buy for ourselves, going to crafty stores mainly, and a few others along the way. I have told her, since the birth of Boo- I REFUSE TO GO TO TOYS R US. If it were just me, I'd never go out, because there are some nutters out there, and I value my life, but I go to be the partner in crime for Hitler. Plus, no one else will do it with her.

Our first 'black Friday' was kinda funny. Big coupons for Michaels, I needed stuff to crochet some gifts and other crafty business....I can't even remember what Hitler's main objective was. We were plotting on Thursday night what time to leave, when did they open, blah, blah, blah...I think she picked me up at 6am....and off we went. Something that still makes me chuckle when I think about that first Friday, and I even repeated it this Thursday too....

Hitler: God, what if it's totally crazy at Mike's and JoAnn's?? Are these people going to be crazy? What if there's nothing good left when we get there??

Me: Hitler...these are crafters, a mellow crowd....they aren't going to decoupage you to death.

Both accounts, the only thing crazy was the lines...there's no one in the store, they are all up at the register.

This year, in lieu of shopping at the ass crack of dawn on Friday, I want to a 10am show of New Moon...which was just fabulous!! I've got at least 3 more viewings of it left, unless I have a repeat offender that wants to go with me again. God, I love him....

Can't you just swoon????

Rock out...

A mini....

A short list of some random things.

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A sphincter say what?

Ahhhh....Oma.... She still has a strong aversion to getting a hearing aid. "What if someone sees it? What if I need to go to a nursing home, they are so expensive?" Blah, blah, blah. Last year at Christmas she said "I will get a hearing aid next year after all the spending". I about fell to my knees, praising Jesus, that Oma has finally seen the light. That was short lived, because then she started refusing again.

She has good hearing days and bad days. I'm tired of yelling when trying to talk to her. Especially when the tv's on. In the kitchen, where she normally sits in the morning and afternoon, she's perched on her chair about 2ft in front of the tv. The volume level on said tv??? Fucking 60!!! SIXTY PEOPLE!!!!!! She said it's on her bad side. WTF?? Really, at 2ft in front of something blaring in your face, bad side should be a little null and void, shouldn't it??

But the top of the story... Ca woke up the other night around 2am hearing a beeping sound. She was aggravated, because they are doing some construction across the street and thought they were starting crazy early. She went to shut her window, and the sound wasn't getting louder. So she figured the sound was coming inside the house. She stops in front of Oma's bedroom, where the beeping is at its pinnacle volume. Oma somehow turned on her alarm and it went off at midnight...it was past 2am. For TWO HOURS that thing was beeping next to her head, she sleeps on her 'bad side' and her 'good side' didn't even hear it. Beeping...for two hours.

Please God, if you are listening, Oma's a good Catholic. She watches the mass a minimum of 2 times a day on the Catholic channel, she prays constantly, she loves St. Anthony...Please, please, please drop the seed in her head that she needs at least 1 hearing aid. Just one. But don't whisper it to her, you have to shout very loudly. Thank you!! Amen.


Hysterics

Last night I made the mistake of watching Find My Family after Dancing with the Stars. Shut up, I know I'm a loser. Anyways... So I've seen the commercials for this horrible show, and I knew, I knew, this is not a show for me. It will involve uncontrollable tears, and I really am not in the mood for an emotion breakdown at the moment. After Dancing, they said just a preview of what's to come. I decided, I could hack 30 minutes, there will be tears, but minimal. How much can 30min do, after all??

A WHOLE FUCKING LOT!!!! That's what 30 minutes can do.

They show the parents looking for their daughter that they gave up 30 years ago (teenage pregnancy), but they got married and more kids....and they've been looking for their daughter for the past 9 years. They just show the parents and I start crying. They tell their story, more tears. They find the daughter who lives and grew up just 8 flipping miles away, MORE tears. They interview the daughter, more tears. They tell the parents they found their daughter, she's 8 miles away, and wants to meet them....you guessed it more tears. I text Tuschka about the awfulness. I tell her I'm crying, not just normal happy/sad tears, but full on Jimmy Smits. I wind up calling her with about 10 min left of the show, they reunioned (is that even a word?), and then there was a little picnic back home.

I told her I will never, ever watch this bullshit ever again. Thank you, Tuschka, for the chat last night, and always listening to my irrational hysterics.


Where for art thou, Edward???

I did good I only saw New Moon twice this weekend. I la-la-love it. Even though my Edward isn't on the screen that much. Let me tell you when he was on, he was scrum-diddley-umtuous. And even though I do not like the Jacob, he was enjoyable to look at. It made him more tolerable.

I'm reading the books again, I think I might have mentioned it once or twice or a million times. I'm in Eclipse right now. I just finished the part where I need them to "fucking fuck already". I love these books!! La-la-love!


Speaking of New Moon...

Did a little blurb on FB about the New Moon. Found out my SDF is Team Jacob. I told her that I may have to end our 20+ year friendship. Seriously. I affiliate myself with too many Team Jacob people. Way too many.

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That's all I got. I think. For now.

Rock out, with a mini cock out!

Oops I did it again....

Hello midnight show.......



Totally blew Twilight out of the water. The acting, the following of the story, the visuals.

Fucking AMAZING!!! Can't wait to see it again.

Rock out...NEW MOON!!!


PS: thank you, Meanie, for getting a better picture than me.

Impending Turkey Day...

Just got off the phone with Hitler. Talking about the up coming day of turkey. I love Thanksgiving. It's my fav holiday for one reason and one reason only...TURKEY!!! Good lord that's one tasty bird.

I 'host' Thanksgiving, but at my mom's house. Let's face it, 15 people in my condo would be cramped...15 people at my mom's way more manageable. And we do it potluck style. The host (me) is responsible for the main dish, everyone else brings stuff to the meal. That way the cooking doesn't fall all on one person. Hitler has to work that day, and I told her to bring dessert, when she asked what she should bring. Primarily, Mom found some recipe she wants. My SIL is also making like 4 pies, most of which my mom wants to eat. Mom's not really a desserty person, but since this chemo business, she will suggest to people what they should make for something...which is really what she wants and she doesn't care if you like it or not.

Anyways...

Hitler's making this pumpkin thing. She said that she'll bring some sugar free cool whip or something. I said, Oma always makes schlag (whip cream) so we probably don't need the sugar free cool whip. Hitler said she wanted a 'low sugar' option for the diabetics in the family. Not that the recipe is sugar free or anything. And I said...."Kinda like how Oma will leave the powder sugar off her cookies and proclaim them SUGAR FREE, even though the recipe calls for 20 cups of sugar???" Hitler and I laugh. Ahhhh, that Oma. She's a crazy one

I also talked to Hitler about the Bobo, and how he was weighing in on what Ava's mother should bring to dinner and emailed her, which was the opposite of what I said she should bring. I got in the email mix and said to Bobo "until you host/coordinate a holiday, shut up and just worry about your own dish". I told Hitler it seriously aggravated me. I don't know why, but it did. Then I found out from Hitler, Mom's adding to her contributions and changing it up a bit. I'm all WTF?!?!?!?! What's the point of everyone saying "L...when you going to send out the thanksgiving email and get the ball rolling??" And then I do, and everybody just does what ever the hell the want, and change their minds, AFTER they say what they are going to do.

Seriously. Annoying!!

So I'm venting to Hitler, talking like the micro machine guy....I'm a fast talker to begin with, but when I got hot on something (hot good or hot bad) my speed amplifies...then toss in the fact that I've consumed almost a pot of coffee, by myself, in the last hour!! I go into warp speed.

Hitler, doesn't want to hear it, and says she has to go back to work now. And I say "WAIT!!! ONE MORE THING!!!!" and I start to sing "TOOOOOOONIGHT, TOOOOOONIGHT, I'm seeing my Edward TOOOOONIGHT!!!!!"

Before I can say anything else, Hitler says "Bye, L." and essentially hangs up on me. She always does that when I sing to her. She doesn't appreciate.

EYE CANDY!!!

Rock out, TOOOOONIGHT TOOOONIGHT....I'll see my man tooooonight!!!!!

He sparkles!!!

I thought I should do a little bloggy blog about Edward. **sigh** Since I haven't said anything about him in a while, AND THE MOVIE'S TOMORROW!!!!!!

The girlies from work for my birthday ordered Matels Edward doll for me. I sits proudly in my new home office, and a shelf that is a mini-shrine....See, not as impressive as the one in my cube, but this is my home, and I have to be somewhat mature here.

And I might as show the pics over my desk that I look at daily, too....

And here's my office mate, he's sleeping next to me. Which is better than the alternative...barking or wanting to cuddle while I work.

Anyways, back to the doll... So the girls ordered it for me for my birthday, and it finally arrived last week. Just in time for me to have to go in and pick up the laptop for doing my part-time work for the old employers.

My return was an event at the office. I'm popular, at least with most of my teammates (KIA wasn't there when I got in, I almost cried. Tears of joy, mind you, tears of joy). So we had a chat, I was presented with The Doll. First thing I noticed....HE SPARKLES!!! And he's wearing the sexy peacoat!! I never wanted to be a peacoat so badly before in my life.

I had to take some pictures to share....I don't think you can really see the sparkles, but you can at least see the doll...

Maybe you can see a slight glimmer here??? Maybe not. Who cares?? It's Edward!!

Here's the back of the box. Sexy peacoat, fierce stare....yum....

And the little blurb in the back, for your reading pleasure....

A great present for the Edward Obsessed. Something I wouldn't buy for myself, but something I would graciously accept!!

May, I just say how excited I am about the show tomorrow night?? Going to see the Twilight at 9, and then the New Moon at MIDNIGHT!!!! Have tentative plans to see it again on Sunday. This is just the first (and second) viewing of many!!

Also, kudos to Rob for walking out on Ryan Seacrest when he asked about whether or not he and Kristen Stewart are dating. 1) I don't care if they are, and I'm sick of hearing about it every two seconds 2) If I'm sick of it...I can only imagine how annoying it would be to be asked over and over again. 3) I have an unexplained hatred for Seacrest...I want to punch him in the face when I see him, and in the throat when I hear him. Hate, Hate, Hate!!!!

Rock out, with your sparkly doll!

Take the snowbirds bowling, take them bowling.

Snowbird season, I think, is officially upon us. Well it was upon me on Thursday. I almost got into three...count them THREE accidents, 2 involving the snowbirds, one with a biker (the pedal kind, not cool rider).

The first interaction was coming back from what was to be a quick errand in the afternoon...it took much longer, because the birds were out, since it was early afternoon, doing their snowbird things, and driving no more than 20mph in a 45, because that's what snowbirds do. When i was returning home, I was in a left hand turn lane (no light) waiting ever so patiently for the bird in front of me to turn first (had to make sure there was no car coming at him at all before making the turn). He turns, then then a decent line of cars start to come again, so I have to wait. There are cars on the street that I want to turn on, waiting to turn left as well...the front is a big old honking suburban, and then a monster buick sedan behind it. I see my chance to make my turn...and the suburban decides he's going to turn first, in front of me, and wait in front of the median before joining the flow of eastbound traffic, and blocking all views I have of what's coming west...he starts to move forward, and I can see that I can go....I start to move...Just then, the boaty buick sedan with an old, old, old, lady comes flying out, and waits behind the suburban that hasn't yet joined the flow of traffic. She is now blocking the west bound traffic and I can't turn left...I just want to get home... but she just sits there and completely ignores that CARS ARE COMING AT HER!!! And I couldn't have hit her when she made her turn, and I technically had the right of way. After what seemed like ages, and many honking cars later, she and the suburban complete their turns and drive away...I had to wait again. I think waiting to turn left probably took about 10 minutes...and was the longest part of my jaunt out.

Next, I had to head back to the old jobbie job to get at the laptop so I can start working for them. I'm coasting...then on the 202 everything comes to an abrupt stop, and I decide to get off one exit early. I'm tootling up 32nd street and I see Mr. Man on his bike (pedal, pedal, not zoom zoom), weaving in and out of traffic, looking like he wants to cross the street, but is in the middle of the flow of traffic and not at an intersection. At one point he almost swerved into me, when I as coming to a stop...he swerves his bike, and then crossed in front of the truck that in front of me. He looks behind him to the right and starts to cross into a turn lane and DOESN'T SEE THAT THERE IS A TRUCK COMING AT HIM!! BOOM!!! He got hit by the truck and ricochets off of another car. Everyone gets out of their cars. Mr Bike is fine, shaken up, grabs his stuff and bikes away. The guy that hit him is just standing there a little dumbfounded. Everyone returns to their cars and continues on their way. The whole time I just kept thinking "holy shit, I just saw a person get hit by a car!!'

Then I'm on my merry way, and this older carolla is in the suicide lane, no turn signal to indicate if they are merging into my flow of traffic OR turning into the building on the other side...and when I'm not that far behind it, the person merges in front of me, cutting me off. Almost Accident #3. I'm yelling in my car obscenities and what not, then the driver slowly merges into the middle lane, cutting off another person. I look over. It's an old lady, that doesn't even cover the head rest she's so short, and barely looks over the steering wheel. She's also on the phone talking. Now, I talk and drive all the time...but something tells me, with this lady, given her height issues...not the best thing.

I finally get to work, get my laptop, talk to the team. And then went to happy hour. Thank god for alcoholic beverages. Seriously. Between 1 and 4pm there were 3 times where I could have hit someone. It made for a great day.

Rock out, accidental.

Chatting with my brother

Last night on the FB I was chatting with my brother. Essentially, Mr Anti-establishment, anti-rich, anti-government, anti-capitalism, anti-everything that isn't somewhat hippie-ish in belief, is wanting to celebrate his up coming birthday in Scottsdale. Scottsdale, which is the ANTITHESIS of Bobo. I had to give him crap. When the chat was ending the following transpired:

Me: I'm off to bed. Gotta read me some Twilight, it's calling me (not part of the conversation, but I'm re-reading in preparation of THE MOVIE NEXT WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Bobo: I'm off to bed too.
Bobo: Emily Rose is calling me.
Me: Watch out for 3:15am.
Bobo: Fuck off.
Me: Tootles!!!

Seriously dudes, I about pissed my pants with the laughter.

Rock out.

Not the only with 'ghosty' issues.

Got this email from CC the other day....

Just thought of you because you freaked recently due to water cooler and dog barking. I don't think my place is haunted but I swear I just heard a low deep voice say my dog's name "Jake". I had to go and look to make sure nobody was here. Last week I woke up in the middle of the night to some guy saying "Hey" in my room. Okay, Ms. Psychologist...what is with me hearing voices??? Am I a nutcase???? Or should I just burn some sage in the house. :)

Which kinda made me laugh!! I'm not the only one hallucinating something fierce. Luckily, things have toned down a bit for me. Well, I still hear odd things just before going to bed, but I'm chalking it up to just 'house sounds'.

I replied to CC with the following response:

First off...same voice different voice?? I guess the answer doesn't really matter because I would SAGE THE HELL OUT OF YOUR PLACE!!!!!! Regardless. All rooms (I do 4 corners, NESW, and the middle of the room too...and don't forget your closets!!! that's a total of 9 spots, 10 with closets, in 1 room). And I usually repeat over and over "negative out, positive in"... OH!! And I sage windows and door ways if I'm really spooked. Where ever you thought you heard the voice I would sage a little bit longer. But I'm OCD crazy like that.

If you wanted a 'rational' answer to the voice I would say that due to all the studying and the stress from school, that at night when the brain is trying to slow down, you might have extra synapses firing, causing an auditory hallucination. And that over stimulated brains, at times, are prone to cause over active imagination in a person when they are trying to calm and wind down for the day.

Doesn't my rational response sound like I actually have a faint clue of what I'm talking about?? I totally impressed myself! HAHA!!

CC is going to sage, just to be on the safe side. I think that's a wise decision. I should probably re-sage just to be on the safe side!!

Rock out, with sage.

Fucking woodwork, I tell you!!!

More people crawling out of the woodworks. This one I'm not super thrilled about either. I think I hate FaceBook. Seriously.

Also, I was wondering how the wordwork expression came about, I googled, and found:

• out of the woodwork idiom
  Emerging from obscurity or a place of seclusion. It often is put as come (or crawl) out of the woodwork, as in The candidates for this job were coming out of the woodwork. The expression alludes to insects crawling out of the interior wooden fittings of a house, such as baseboards and moldings. [Colloquial; mid-1900s]

Look, you learned something.

So, yeah.....this time the person that found me... Where do I begin about the unpleasantries??? High School...a time of trauma for most. We all know that I'm a bitch, but I can also be a push over. Unless I'm in a 'special' mood, I really don't like to instigate fights/arguments with friends or 'friends'. Now, my family on the other hand, BRING IT BITCHES!!! I have no qualms with them. So in high school, I spent a lot of time being the push over, the abused, and the used by a a lot friends. Lets face it, I was insecure (who wasn't....HELLO HIGH SCHOOL!!!) and I felt like it was such a small pool that if I really did have verbal fisticuffs, there was a real sense of fear about losing friends/'friends' or being ostracized in anyway shape or form.

Anyways, this girl, who shall be called "Slut"(she constantly shared with me sexual escapes she had with her 20yr old neighbor, and it was a little unsettling) I met freshy year. Her BFF, lets call her "Backstabber", played volleyball with a girl from my subdivision that I was friends with (we later were roomies the first 2 years of college-we had some issues, but time and distance is a fabulous thing), who will be called SDF (subdivision friend). Okay... So Slut was BFF's with Backstabber, Backstabber and SDF were playing volleyball together, and I had classed with Backstabber...eventually we are all interwoven together. Slut became jealous of SDF for 'stealing' Backstabber away from her (SDF and Backstabber did A LOT together), then Backstabber got tired of the ultra catholic conservativeness of SDF... drama drama drama... It made for fun times in freshman year. The drama continued, and for me, it was at full capacity my junior year.

Junior year...we had the foreign exchange student (FES, as mentioned previously). FES and SDF did not got along so well. FES and I did not get along so well. But who she did get along with really well out of all my friends/'friends' that I introduced her to was Backstabber and Slut. SDF and I carpooled to school, naturally, FES was riding with us...but there were mornings when Backstabber and Slut would pick her up...they didn't live anywhere near us. Okay, fine whatever... Then the 3 of them would go out, not inviting me. Which kinda hurt. Backstabber and I were really good friends, Slut was just there, but I really liked Backstabber. Backstabber and Slut would just show up at my house, and hang out with FES, never really even acknowledging me or nothing.

QUEUE VIOLENT FEMMES MUSIC.

It was a turbulent time for me. I was angry, hurt, insecure, and seeing RED. Really, I wanted to inflict serious pain on those who were scorning me. Those three were at the top of the list. Really, I wanted FES to get deported and banned from the country.

Mom would tell me (while I locked myself in my room with the Femmes blaring) that she knew that Backstabber and Slut were not going to be good friends for/to me when she first met them, but didn't say anything, because she knew I wouldn't listen. And she's right, I wouldn't have. That was mom's way of reassuring me....being omnipotent, but keeping her revelations to herself, until the time was right, and tell me "I always knew.....but I didn't tell you". She would also tell me that it wasn't the end of the world, I have other friends, blah, blah, blah, and could I please turn down the music.

After last week's "look who I found/found me", I thought I would be set for a while, until yesterday, when SLUT found me. When I saw that name pop up, honestly, I wanted to punch my computer and kill Facebook. I had said back, back, back in the day when I first signed up that if there were those shitty people from my past that wanted to be friends, I'd decline. Well, this is one of those people. And I haven't determined what I'm going to do yet. I think I'm going to decline. But that would just be giving into the hurt high schooler me and not the more grown up 30 year old me.

Decisions, decisions.

Also in the realm of woodworks... I had a dream (my dreams are fucking killing me lately) that was all flashbacky. It was a 5th grade reunion. Again, more turbulent times from my youth.

Prior to moving, I can't really remember any mean spirited girls (there was a brat...but she was just a brat, not really mean mean, but the potential was there). But after starting the 4th grade, and the move, and trying to make new friends and fit in, I saw more meanness. Perhaps I was just more aware, because I was new. But there were, in my subdivision, 2 queen bees that ruled over the other girls our age. We were truly mean to each other, or at least those two lead, and like sheep the rest of us followed. (these were also some of the girls that lent support during some zombie torment). The queen bees teased relentless. I remember bus rides home, sitting with them, and they'd pinch me the whole time (nothing catastrophic, but still mean), until I finally had enough and I punched them (after getting of the bus). We would play "who's your best friend" all the time, when we would get in a circle and pick who our bff was at that moment. Usually the queen bees would say not to pick someone because they didn't like them, and that one person would always go home feeling hurt, and wouldn't be invited to do something with the group until the queen bees liked them again. There were other things that happened, but this isn't group therapy time, and not a pitty party. Plus, who wants to read my rehash??? Let me just say that when the queen bees moved away, I had such an amazing amount of relief. One queen bee moved back during high school, but she didn't acknowledge me, which I was more than fine with.

ANYWAYS....back to the dream....

So, it was the 5th grade reunion. Queens Bees are there, still being mean, evil, and just down right bitches. When they leave their little 'popular 5th graders' group, and come to talk to me, I'm filled with joy (note: SARCASM). They start in bragging about how great their lives are, blah, blah, blah....and then I got pinched in the side. They start laughing. I, ever so eloquently, scream "YOU TWO ARE NOTHING BUT MISERABLE FUCKING BITCHES" and proceed to punch them square in the face. I left the classroom...and woke up, and I WAS HAPPY I punched them.

So now, I'm contemplating the depth of my issues and need for anger management. Because seriously... I need to let go and let God. Why this still bothers me, I don't know. The fragile little L, still is living strong.

Rock out, with your traumatic youth out.

PW!!

This past Thursday, The Pioneer Woman, came to town to sign her cookbook and talk about life on the ranch. I was really excited that she was coming. I pre-ordered my book in September and just waiting for the crack dealer to deliver.

So, I got to the book store hosting the event. I wanted to make sure, since I already had my book, I wasn't going to be accused of stealing or anything, so I asked the chick behind the counter if I needed something since I had the cookbook already. And she asked me where I got the book...I said my crack dealer and her response, WITH ATTITUDE was: Just so you know, for future signings, featured authors will not sign a book unless it was purchased at THIS book store. HOWEVER, you are in luck, as this author agreed to sign on a first come first serve basis.

I wanted to punch her. Then I saw that she was wearing skinny jeans, that were soo skinny and low rise the came up to her mid thigh, and fit soo improperly, since they didn't go all the way up or cover any part of her ass, the she had that flat saggy butt look in the back. Because, well, the JEANS DID COVER HER ASS. Be a bitch, chicky, at least I understand size appropriate clothing, and I know just because shit comes in my size doesn't mean I should be wearing it.

Plus her attitude pretty much solidified my not returning to that particular bookstore for anything in the future. It will take an act of God (or Edward) for me to change my mind on that one.

So, CC, came with me to the signing. Originally she was going to be busy with school stuff, but things changed and she wanted to meet me there. And it was a packed FULLY house of P-Dub devotees. CC and I got standing room only, and stood in the corner where we had great PW visuals and little did I know she would be coming out about 20ft from where I was standing!!

SEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

She did a little Q&A. Her Black Heels will be published!! She said she's going to fill in some holes, but it will still be sordid!! Some little kid asked if she had elephants on her farm, which was very cute.

She was very personable and funny. I'm happy I was able to hear her Q&A session. And I took some pics, but they were all blurry... (just an excuse for me to look into making a new camera purchase)

Here's CC, with PW talking in the background.... CC and I started to fall in love with PW together at work. I had read her sporadically, but CC jumped in full heartedly, and then I started to read more, and more, and more....then POOF!!! BIG PW FANS!!! So It was fitting that she was able to come with me and see her!!

Me and the PW in the background!!

I wanted to get my book signed, and there were a bunch of people. So CC and I decided, lets grab dinner close by, and then come back. She started signing books at 730, CC and I came back at 915... and the line was still MASSIVE!!!!!! I wanted to wait, but opted to go home, because God knows when I would have been able to get my book signed, and I had to stop and pick up Jaeger. No book signing for me. At least I heard/saw her. I got some pics. I was a happy camper.

If you are under a rock and don't know anything about The Pioneer Woman, check out her sight. She's got a little something for everyone...funny stories, photography, cooking, even homeschooling stuff (which I don't really do anything with except for the smarty pants quizzes).

I told my mom about the attitudey chicky (leaving out the bit about the ill-fitting skinny jeans that only went up to her thighs) and how I didn't really appreciate it. And she was talking to her one friend that frequents the store. She said that that is typical book signing stuff...you buy the book from the store hosting the signing. I said that was fine, I didn't know...however...little bitchy needs to lose the attitude. And I still don't intend on going back to the bookstore for anything unless act of God/Edward should occur.

Rock out, cock out.

Meeeeeeemmmmmmooooorrrrrriiiiiiieeeeesssssss....

Like the corners of my mind.... Misty watercolored MEEEEEEEEMMMMMMOOOOOORRRRRIIIIEEEESSSSSSSSS of the way we were....

Who doesn't love a good Bab's serenade?? Really??

Papa!! Papa can you hear me?? Papa!!! Papa can you see me????? Papa!!! Don't preach, cuz I'm in trouble deep...

Oops, wrong Papa!!

Anyways...

The past 24 hours has been flashback central for me. People from long ago, crawling out of some internet crevices. One I'm crazy excited about...the other, not so sure.

The excited one... I got an email from classmates.com saying that I have message. Of course to view the message I have to be a gold member, and lucky for me they are running a sale on memberships!!! Only $10 and not $40.... I see the message is from a girl I was pretty inseparable from between Kindergarten and the third grade (when I moved away). I immediately pay, and read the email. Just a simple "are you the L that went to BLAH school? If so, please email me, so we can catch up". I email her right back with a quickie run down of what's going on with me and my email address.

Then I stalked my email, waiting, waiting, waiting for an email back. Then I got one!! WOO HOO!!! Apparently her dad ran into our third grade teacher, and she gave a memory book to him from our class to give to SHL. She thought she would try finding me again. I have looked for her in the past, but with no success. I'm happy she decided to try looking for me again.

I'm so excited to rekindle this friendship, and getting to know SHL again.

The other blast that I'm apprehensive about is from high school. Bobo found on the FB the foreign exchange student that we hosted my junior year.

I remember when we were presented with the idea of hosting someone, I was ALL FOR IT!!! I'm thinking it's like having an insta-friend living with me. It's going to be GREAT!! Hitler, however, was all "HELL NO!". She didn't want some stranger sleeping across the hall from her, blah, blah, blah. In the end, Hitler and the FES became BFF's and the FES did not get along AT ALL!! Good times. It made for a great year. The year when The Violent Femmes became my angry music, and when I was pissed, The Femmes would be BLASTING...and I would essentially be telling the world to FUCK OFF AND DIE! Again, good times.

So the Bobo, finds FES, and sends out a notice to Hitler and myself. And I sat there and contemplated...do I friend or do I not friend?? I friended. We'll see if she excepts. We are older now...more mature. Just because I sent her a letter in 1999 saying I was going to be studying in Berlin the in January, and I'd like to meet up, and was never given a response back doesn't mean anything right?? I mean, she could have moved, maybe the letter got lost?? I shouldn't be bitter about the crap that happened my junior year, should I?? I need to let go and let God.

Funny thing...I harbor resentment like a mother fucker. In case you couldn't tell. I harbor, I hold it in, and very rarely do I release. But when I do, the recipient is going to get a bitch slap years/decades/ions in the making. Very healthy, I know.

So, lets see how that puppy unfolds. This one I don't think I'm as excited about, seeing that I can still feel all that negativity coming back to me and the slightest thought of FES and that year in school. I know it's not all her fault, some of the crap that went down, but in someways she's the physical representation of it. Again, very healthy, I know.

Hopefully, I can play the big card. I reiterate....let go and let God.

On a more positive note...hallucinated sounds last night before going to bed. Thought I heard odd sounds coming from the kitchen area of the house. Comforting. And this morning at 540, Jaeger FLEW OUT from under the covers, full on mowhawk, barking at the foot at the foot of the bed pointing out to the living room....AT NOTHING!!!!! That was comforting.

Rock out, with cocks from the past...

Mental Torture

So, the PA might not have made me crap my pants...but it's having some lingering effects. I mentioned in the previous post about the gurgling water cooler... well the day proved to be a noisy one.

My front door sounded like it was going to be pushed in at times, but the day didn't seem to be particularly windy or gusty. It bothered me a bit.

The kicker of the Monday sound effects was when I was heading out to meet the fam for Ava's birthday dinner (HAPPY BIRTHDAY AVA!!!!!! Man is getting old at 33...). I turned off the tv before I left the house and this inhuman sound from the wall. I have no clue...it was like being in an old house and hearing the pipes moan when you turn on the water. That's the best way I can describe it...a moan, an inhuman moan. I gasped. I got the hell out, I called Meanie. She laughed, I laughed...I was still scared!!

When I got home from the festivities I saged EVERYTHING and EVERYWHERE!!! The water cooler, the approximate place on the wall with the unsettling moan, hell, I even saged Jaeger. I did my little "negative out, positive in" chant. I sages all windows, doors, doorways, four corners of every room, closets....everything. Saged and chanted.

Yesterday, no unusual sounds. THANK YOU SAGE!!!

Last night, however, I had a dream that totally messed with my head, and had me contemplating whether or not I should continue sleeping.

The dream:

I'm at Hitler and Ava's house, but when I look out the window, I have the view from my place, kinda like Hitler's house sitting on top of the condo below me. Also at the house PPE and TWAH, and some guy named "Paul" that is a total figment.

So, it's morning and I'm going to get ready to hop in the shower. I look out the window from Boo's room (which is now my room, and there's no trace of the boo monster anywhere), and I see PPE talking to some other random guy (not Paul) the mystery man gives PPE a little box, like a ring size box. RG (random guy) asks PPE, "what do you think? Do you think she'll like it?" I know immediately it's about me, and I'm all flustered. I don't hear PPE's response, but I see him put the box between the screen and front doors, and they leave. I run downstairs to look at the ring. I put it on, it fits, but if I push the diamond in the center, it changes colors. I'm all excited. I run up, hop in the shower in Hitler and Ava's bedroom. When I get out, I can feel this odd reverberation all around me. It's not good. Then the bathroom door SLAMS shut really loudly, and the reverberating air begins to intensify, I feel like something is pushing me out of the room. I run out, and the bedroom door slams and starts shaking. I'm FREAKING OUT!!! I run to my room, put on some close and run to the living room where Hitler, Ava, and TWAH are all talking nonchalantly. I'm all spastic...did you see/hear the door...do you feel the air shaking around you....there's something here...we need to get it out!!! They just look at me like I'm crazy. I said we need to sage the house. One group do the upstairs and one down, and no one should go alone, because whatever is here is pissed. They said something about "Paul" being downstairs, and for me to go down there and sage with him, they will sage the upstairs. So I go downstairs and tell Paul we have to start saging...evil forces...we start saging.

We finish, and PPE comes in and he notices immediately the ring on the finger and asks where I got it. I told him that I saw him and RG talking outside, and I wanted to look. And PPE looked really disappointed in me, I was taking the ring off when RG came in and saw what I was doing and look uber hurt. I get ready to explain when I hear this odd, slow thumping sound. (Reminiscent of the thumping in PARANORMAL ACTIVITY!!!) My heart starts to race. I rush up the stairs. I don't see anything but the thumping is getting louder coming towards me from the hall, and the reverberating/pushing feeling is back. I'm standing there, frozen, with all this pressure building...and the loud thumping....

Then I wake up. First thing I do is feel for Jaeger, then make sure all my limbs are in bed and covered. Then I look out the bedroom door, to make sure that there's nothing "looking in" at me, and I don't see any powdered foot prints on the floor.

I had a hard time falling asleep after that.

WOO HOO.

Hopefully this movie doesn't sit with me much longer. I don't like having paranoid sleep.

Rock out, with an overactive imagination...

I did not crap my pants.

The Paranormal Activity…I watched it, and I survived. And contrary to my personal belief…I did not crap my pants!!

SCORE!!!

Meanie did some online snooping and spoke to people who watched it. Tuschka provided me some information. I felt well informed to watch the movie, but I was still a little nervous. I spoke to PPE about it, too. I needed him to tell me whether this is a movie I should watch. He knows my tolerance level and what I can and can’t take. I asked him, on a scale of 1-10 (1 being Friday the 13th, and 10 being The Grudge) where does PA fit. He said it was a 3, all mental but not so bad. I asked if it was like The Shining or The Exorcist, complete anguish while watching, still slightly spooked afterwards, but when you see it the second time, it’s not so scary at all. He said “EXACTLY”. I told him if he was lying and it was worse than a 3, I was going to hop on the next plane out to Pittsburgh and KILL HIM, assuming the swine flu doesn’t kill him first (did I mention, he’s got the case of the pig???). PPE is my horror compass.

There were times during the movie I said “Okay, I’m not watching anymore” and close my eyes. Had I gone home, by myself, instead of crashing at my parents, I would have been okay. And, I’m not afraid to be home alone right now. I think it’s safe to say that I will not suffer permanent damages from the movie. And PPE was right, it’s a 3 on based on my scale.

HOWEVER...there was a preview for Shutter Island, think of Alcatraz- but it's a mental institution, holding the worst mentally ill patients. It's in the 50's Leo DiCaprio and Mark Ruffalo are FBI agents and there to investigate the island. Now, for me, anything mental institution related means I won't be seeing it. Nothing good happens in those movies. But there was a scene where Leo's walking down this poorly lit hall and some guy jumps out and grabs him. I flew about 20ft out of my seat.
I was a little on edge.

That was probably the big scare of the night.

This morning, though, I was chatting with Jaeger, coaxing him out of bed….”C'mon Chub, let’s get up out of bed and go potty...you wanna go outside???” And upon completion of that question I heard a loud chug-a-lug/gurgle sound. I gasped, did a little jump. First thought “GHOST!!!! DEMON!!!!!!!!”…not “WATER COOLER!!!!” Honestly, I would have jumped regardless, given the timing, but since I just saw a ghosty movie, my immediate reaction went to the irrational. I’m not saying that I don’t believe in ghosts, because I do, however at that moment, it was not one.

I need to sage my condo.

Rock out, horrifically.

PS: I forgot the best part of the movie!!! I bought the tickets, Meanie and I met a friend for drinks before hand, and he picked up that tab, and Meanie bought refreshments. Most importantly, she bought me an Edward New Moon cup!!! I knew if I got too scared during the movie, I could hug Edward and all would be safe.