Dreaming something crazy.

Last night, I had a totally bizarre dream.

I'm at 'home' and there's a film crew using my house for some movie, and they were also using it as a hotel. (This wasn't my current place of inhabitants, but some old school mansion type place, very nice) And one of the actors filming at and sleeping in my house...none other then Robert Pattinson. I know I know, you are shocked beyond words... So it was late one night after filming and what not, we chat, we become friends. The next day I have to go to the woods or some camping spot or something to pick up PPE and TWAH. They've been camping out and have no way to get home. Rob and I go out to this wooded/mountainous area (think Rockies National Park) and pick up the boys. I'm all dressed up and start telling the guys to hurry up, I'm going to be late for a wedding. Yes, I'm going to a wedding, and Rob is my date. (WOO-THE-F-HOO!!!) Who's the wedding for, you might ask....KHLOE FUCKING KARDASHIAN!!!

I don't get it. At all. Actually I lied, I get it a bit.

PPE was off yesterday and sent me a pretty scenic fall picture of some woody park area and said that he wishes I was there....... Yeah, me too... I miss fall. So that would explain why I had to pick him and TWAH up in a park area.

The Khloe Kardashian wedding...while I was in the car yesterday they were talking about it on the radio. Apparently I knew her well enough in my dream to attend her wedding.

The Robert Pattinson... nothing to prompt him. He's just an on going fantasy.

Just the combination of the 3 things together in the dream was a weird matching.

That's all I got. Going to store #3 for office furniture. If I find nothing there, I'm going to Ikea. Then I'm done...no more shopping for me!!!!!

Rock out with your dreamy cocky out.

Day 1

Started the new jobbie today. I don't know if you can say I really started anything, though. I cleaned up and out the crap room. I did so much purging, a bulimic would have been jealous. Got a big pile of stuff to go to Goodwill. Right now the room is just has the old crappy desk and the draft table I used to stamp on with I lived with Hitler, that I haven't used since moving into the condo. Once those get pitched, I will be good to go. Then next week is going to Tampa to actually meet my new boss lady and the big boss lady. I don't think I'm actually going to start any work until the start of week 3.

However today, being a good little worker that I am, I got up at 6 to start cleaning (the real reason for this was because I knew boss lady was going to call and I didn't want it to sound like she woke me up). Fat boy emerged from the bed around 7. I was essentially done with everything by 10am...then I got bored. I texted with Meanie, chatted with Hitler, talked briefly with PPE... I did a little more deconstruction after my laptop arrived (without a power cord). I got everything done today that I was hoping and went to 2 of the 3 office stores to scope out a new desk...and I have NO CLUE what I'm going to do tomorrow, other than go to the 3rd store to look at a desk there and get other office essentials.

While I was chatting with Meanie, Hitler, and PPE, a part of me was wishing I could just stop by the old job just for a bit to shoot the shit and do some busy work. Just to do something. I know, I know...I'm retarded.

A little recap on the last day though.... I got everyone golden ticket presents for my going away. How nice am I???? I leave and I buy presents. So those who hadn't read got Twilight and those who had got the musical score. Again, I'm so nice. And the LIF's sup, because he's read the book and I don't know if the music is his deal, got some chutney, peach jam, English fruit jam, and apple butter. However what was classic with the gift giving was fucking KIA. She unwrapped the book and said fairly loudly and defiantly "I AM NOT READING THIS BOOK!!!" What I wanted to say, but didn't, was "Listen here bitch, I didn't want to get it for you to begin with, but since I was doing something for the whole team I didn't want to be rude and exclude you. Why don't you show some fucking courtesy." Every once in a while my filter shows up and I bite my tongue. And then we were doing group photos, KIA watched and she didn't even come up to take a picture. Whatever. Seriously, she is pathetic. As sad as I was to leave work and leave my team, I am not sad about not seeing her ever again. Her and Licky Lips... I know longer have to hear the shuffle, see the wagging tongue, and the baby talk is no longer. WOO HOO.

Back to the last day... Did the gifts, took a long lunch, and since SuperJ was working a half day, while I was cleaning out my desk, I decided to show some last minute love and decorate her cube. She needed to know I appreciate her, and what better way then a decorating a cube??

It was a mellow day, that I somehow managed to not actually leave work until after 5. I don't know how that was even possible, but it was. Went out with Meanie, Tourettes (be shocked, be very, very shocked) and a new person I've been in cahoots with. It was a fun night overall.

I'm still in denial that I'm not there. It still doesn't seem right.

One day down with working from home...tomorrow: SHOPPING!!!!

Rock out with your purging cock out!!

Good Ol' Oma...

"We went to some fancy restaurant last Saturday for Ca's birthday. There was a large table filled with young people, they couldn't have been much older than 22. How can they afford such a place??? They must have been drug dealers."

My desk has been ruined....

I came back from a nice long weekend in Chicago yesterday to a desk that has been destroyed by my team. My beautiful desk was covered in all things Edward, which grew from the initial covering, and then my team decided to defile it. It is now covered in Jacob. Not just a little Jacob, but it looks like Jacob was vomited everywhere. Which, quite frankly, I almost did myself when I walked into my little space. They even had someone planted in Super J's cube, directly across from mine, to record the reaction.

I hate my team... I love them, but I hate them a little too.

This plotting of Operation Team Jacob took some time. Lot's of teeny magazines were bought and pictures torn, pictures from the internet... It's truly amazing. I took pictures, naturally...

This is by far my most favorite. They took the picture of me, kissing the bison statue from the HEEEEEEEBER-Overgaard, and had my kissing the wolf. Very crafty.

Sad thing, though, I have to take it all down tomorrow, because it's my last day. I'm still not ready for it. I'm in hard, hard, hardcore denial about it still. I've had over six months to prepare, and I'm still not ready. It's fun filled (yet repulsive) little jokes like this that I'm really going to miss. Overall, the team that I work with is really great and I'm seriously going to miss them.

ROCK OUT WITH YOUR EDWARD COCK OUT (doesn't that sound like fun!!)

Thirty...

FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!

Cha-cha-chutney!

I got my hands on some more peaches (THANKS MEANIE!!!) and I wanted to try out some chutney. I wanted something sweet and savory. I used this recipe, I know I'm going to forget stuff so, easier to link.

My peaches...4 pounds worth.

Peeled (I found this piranha peeler that is for soft skinned fruit- no need to boil first!! way quicker!!!), chopped and potted with 1/2 an onion and some garlic. This combination, precooking, actually smelled really good.

Then I added 4 cups of Apple cider vinegar, picking spice (in the little bags), cayenne pepper, curry, sugar, and some other crap that I can't remember (please refer to the linked recipe)

I brought everything to a boil, then turned down the heat. And word to the wise, boiling vinegar NOT a pleasant smell. Every time I went near the pot my eyes watered and I had to suppress a gag.

Looks at the pretty deep red color- I also pureed it a bit with my immersion blender, to give it a better texture. The recipe said to cook to desired consistency, about an hour to an hour and a half. I cooked mine for 3 hours before giving up. The vinegar was going to kill me. It made 8 1/2 pint jars.

The finished product.....

I went to taste a little bit that wasn't enough to fill a jar after it cooled. It was not the flavor I was going for. I wanted sweet, savory, a little spice. What I got was tangy with a sweet after taste. Actually it's more like a bbq sauce than a chutney. Slightly disappointing. Next time I wouldn't use as much vinegar, I think that's what killed it.

Oh well... At least I tried. Now I just have to figure out what to do with it.

Rock out with your tangy chutney.

Jam and bread, jam and bread, jam and bread!!!!!

Now that I started canning and attempted some jelly making, I decided I needed to make and can more jelly. I found a recipe for High Dumpsy Dearie (or something similar) Jam, and English fruit jam. It sounded easy and simple and so I decided I must try it....

The fruit: 2 pounds each of apple, pears and plums.


Then add zest and juice of 1 lemon. You are supposed to add 2 ounces of ginger root, but I didn't have any, so I added a good handful of crystallized ginger.

Then you let it juice and cook and boil.

The recipe calls for 4.5 POUNDS of sugar...I didn't want that much sugar, so I used 1.5 cups and 1 pkg of low sugar pectin instead. I'm a rebel.

Then I blended it up a bit. I probably should have waited to do this, let the sugar/pectin mixy up a bit with the cooking fruit and it's juices...but I didn't. Next time I will.

I let everything cook for over an hour, it was still runny and not very jammy, so I added about a 1/2C more sugar and another packet of pectin. In the end it was the consistency of thicker apple sauce.

I love the color...I nice golden hue...and when I tasted it!! OMG!!! It was very light and fruity with just a little ginger bite. DELISH!!!!

Rock out, jamming.

RECIPE:

2lbs Apples

2lbs Pears

2lbs Plum

1 lemon, juiced and zested

Ginger, to taste

4.5 lbs sugar (or be a rebel and use less sugar and some pectin)

Dump everything but the sugar into a pot and boil...add sugar....simmer, skim the sum, and when it's at the desired consistency, process in for 10min. Makes 9 1/2pints.

Irrational Fear, it's the best kind

Chatting with Meanie at work yesterday (only 2 weeks left...kinda sad), and she was talking about how she was psyching herself out while hiking the other night with her friend. Mr. Friend went off ahead of her, it was dark out, and she went to go to the other spot on the hike where he likes to go. She said is was by the canal, lots of bushes, and what not when she went after him...all she could think about was some one popping out behind the bushes and she'd die in the canal. She said "that's it, once I'm in the canal, I'm dead." So she was trying to stay calm externally while freaking out internally. We were both laughing... And did more irrational fear stories.

I have a lot of irrational fears. Too many. But it's one of my endearing qualities that makes me laugh, endlessly.

Example public restrooms. Now they are just germy and nasty and I don't like to use them. However, there's another fear besides the germs. IT. Now, I have mentioned IT before, briefly. It was the TV movie and book that gave the balls I never knew I had, seeing I had no tolerance for horror. But what does IT have to do with a fear of public restrooms?? Well in the story IT lives in the sewers and can come to the kiddies through the drain lines. There are scenes were he comes out of bathroom sinks and locker room showers. So reading this lovely gem at 12 was great. I had gym for 5 more years with a slight fear of being in the locker room alone if I had to use it during gym class. All thanks to a sadistic fucking clown lurking in the drains. This fear also made college a little difficult too, when my mind would wander while I was in the community bathroom, I'd freak myself out. Luckily, I only had 2 years of irrational fears, because the next 2 years were in a suite and the bathroom was private. Plus the other thing with public bathrooms- lots of scary movies have people getting killed in there, or attacked or something awful. Public bathrooms = germs, IT, monsters, and my minimal use.

Irrational fear #2: Clowns. Reasons: IT, Poltergeist, Killer Clowns from Outer Space, and John Wayne Gacy. 'Nuf said. I can kinda deal with the circus clown, I don't panic quite so quickly. But volunteer clowns- FUCK NO!!! Those are creepy ass mother fuckers. I went to clown days (it was a guilt trip and not willingly) at Rawhide (this cowboy place- loads of fun!! NOT!)...volunteer clowns all over the place. It was a living hell. The only thing that could have made it worse is if there were zombies there. And by the end of the hot, hot day, most looked disheveled and make up was dry and cracked. I was seriously waiting for a mass killing. Clowns gone rogue.

Third times a charm: Skylights. And my condo has 3...count them 3...skylights in my living room. I have seen movies were people climb up on the roof and spy on the homeowners through the skylights....then the bad guys break in and kill. There was a scene in Fear where Marky Mark and his crew launch their attack on Reese Witherspoon and fam to kidnap Reese. In one scene one of the bad guys is looking down on Reese and Alissa Milano and he's doing some solo entertainment while watching them. I also just saw this movie on HBO 5 days ago, I immediately looked up at my skylights, shivered, then changed the channel.

Some random irrational fears...

When I was little I was afraid that something under the bed would grab my legs an pull me under. So I slept Indian style, legs crossed and tucked, so they couldn't be grabbed. And this worked well for my until I watched Nightmare on Elm Street. I was probably about 7 or 8 (again, thanks mom and dad!!), and Hitler , who has had a love for all things horror from the very start of time, was watching this lovely movie. And Nightmare, Johnny Depp gets sucked into the bed by Freddie right in the middle. Now, nowhere was save for me in the bed... And I was also afraid of midnight for awhile too. If I woke up in the middle of the night for something, I would keep myself awake from 12 midnight to 12:30am, since that was prime Freddie time. This stayed with me for a long, long time. Then that was all shot to hell when I watched one of the sequels , and he was using the dreams of the main character's unborn baby. He didn't have to wait for midnight anymore to kill.

Then there's spider, snakes, open and public waters.

Open waters because of Jaws, seaweed, fish and jellyfish. The brown murky water in lakes...God knows what's in there. Oceans have things that will kill you. There was this short story called The Raft and bugged me too. Public waters- too many bodies (and bodily fluids) in one small space. Plus I won't go out in public in my swimsuit. That is to protect everyone else.

My fear of Jaws runs deep. I remember being babysat at my neighbors house with I was around the 5 year old mark, and sleeping in a water bed thinking that the water in the bed was some how attached to the ocean and Jaws was going to kill me while I slept. Also, when I've done cruises and see or hear about people doing the banana boat rides, I am internally screaming at them for being stupid, because Jaws soooo attacked one, and they could die.

Low hanging fog/mist. Thanks to the short story The Mist. A low deep fog starts to cover the town, things are in the fog that kills people...when people escape they realise that the fog is slowly covering EVERYTHING. Plus in scary movies, ghosts will come out in the fog and then attack you.

Before I moved to AZ, I was at an end of the summer bbq with people from my college German classes (we formed a nice little bond when in Berlin). I stayed a bit after everyone to talk with Alice Bei Nacht...and probably started to head home (about 45min-an hour away) around 1am. I had just gotten a new Enya CD (Paint the Sky with Stars) when the last song on the CD comes on, Boadicea. It was probably the worst self induced scares I have ever had...and the song isn't very long. It was used in the movie Sleepwalkers, sampled by the Fugees, and I always remembered it, thought it was creepy cool. So here I am driving down Algonquin Road, by the horse stables, lots of big trees...it's my favorite part of my drive when going home....and it's been drizzling off and on, a little misty...the song comes on. My over active imagination goes on overdrive... The soft melodic humming, the mist, I'm the only one on the road. I had just seen What Lies Beneath a few days prior with Tuschka... On my mind, I have vengeful ghost and were-cat vampy things... I think I see someone in my back seat when I look in the rear view mirror, I think I see someone lurking at me from the open horse farm to my right... It's misty, I'm delusional, and in full fledged panic mode. While the panic attack is in full swing, do I turn off the CD to hear something else?? NO!!! Do I stop and pull over to calm down?? NO!!! Something might get me. Instead I drive it out, the song ends, and I just think that was one of the scariest moments of my life, and have a slight adrenalin rush. What's my next move??? I play the song AGAIN to try and see if I can freak myself out again. Smart move...which doesn't fully work. When I listen to the song now, I laugh at myself and remember the fear. I think of what a colossal dork I am.

(While creating most of these links, I see that Stephen King helped solidify most of irrational fears. Hmmmmm....)

Meanie and I were talking about how we also want to stay in a haunted hotel...Just to see what happens. She wants her bed up against the wall, so she has a safety spot. I said I want a king size bed and 2 other people sleeping in it with me.....me in the middle, and my friends on my sides, that way the ghost can't get me from the sides, it would have to come straight down. For some reason that seems safer.

I'm probably going to have some bodacious dreams tonight, filled with clowns, zombies, fog, larger bodies of water, and some mean ghosts all while the hummy song plays in the background.

I should think of some happy thoughts.

Rock out, in horror.

P...E...A...C...H...E...S!!!!!!!!!!!

Ladies and Gents...canning season is beginning. Let me tell you- words cannot express the level of excitement this brings. I want to make more apple-butter (even though I still have jars left from the buttering extravaganza last year)...I want to try a pear butter... I think I want to make my own cranberry sauce and can that too... I want to can, can, can!!!!!!!!!

Meanie's produce co-op people had bushels of peaches. (Millions of peaches, peaches for me!!) and we went in on it together to make some PEACHY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!!! And for those of you who don't know, a bushel of peaches equals 32 pounds. That's a butt load of peaches.

Look at the pretty peaches. Hello peaches, I can't wait to cook you up and then spread you on toast...you are going to be sooooooooo tasty.

To peel the peaches, you have to score the bottoms and then boil them for a couple of minutes, like so....

Then, put them in an ice bath. See the scores....and some steam emitting off the peaches.

Grab a knife, and peal away starting from the scored part. They are slippery little suckers (name that movie), and they can be little balls of FIRE pending on boiling water/cold water time ratios, so be careful!!

After they are peeled, cut away an nasties, and remove the pits. Put them in some sort of vessel for safe keeping.

Peaches cut up and slightly mushy. Seriously, the squeezing of the peeled peaches was gross yet nice. Slimy but firm.

Look at that beauteous peach...all bright and shiny...

Meanie and I made canned some peach segments... here they are, pre-canning.

Now, lets start jamming... 10 cups of peaches. Doesn't that look good already??

Then we added 1 packet of low sugar pectin, 1c sugar, 1/4 c lemon juice, and 1/2c water.

And we mashed, mashed, mashed.

Pretty.....

I think next time, immersion blender to get a better texture with smaller lumps...

After it starts to boil, there will be some scummy stuff on top...skim the scum.

**What wasn't photographed was the jam turning into Mt. Vesuvius and burning the hell out of me and Meanie. I got a good splatter on my ring and pinkie fingers at one point...and they burned the rest of the night. Meanie got her arm caught over a burst. So watch out...hot jam burns like a motherfucker. That is my public service announcement for the day.**

We added the finished jam to jars and processed for 5 mins.

Here's the finished product, the fruits of our labor, if you will. One bushel of peaches yielded: 17 1/2 pints of jam, 10 pints of jam, and 9 pints of straight up peaches.

Doesn't it look yum and pretty??? In the front are pints of jam, then 1/2 pints, then segments. We totally rocked out in 4 hours of peaching.

We only had one casualty, lost a jar of peaches when it shattered in the boiling water...bits and chunks of peaches floating everywhere. It was very, very sad. Meanie and I were still talking about it the next day.

Rock out in jam!!

THE RECIPES....

Peach Jam:

10C Peaches, peeled and pitted

1C sugar (regular recipe calls for 5, but these peaches were super sweet and who wants to eat a crap load of sugar with their jam??)

1 envelope of pectin

1/4C lemon juice

1/2C water

In a big pot: toss in peaches, mix sugar and pectin together before adding it into the pot to prevent pectin lumps, water and lemon juice. Cook on medium heat and mash, and mash, and mash...or use your handy dandy immersion blender to make smoother... Bring to a slow boil (watch out for Vesuvius)...and skim the scum. This whole cooking process should be about 45 minutes.

Put in sterilized jars, and boil for 5-10 min. Take out and let them cool to room temp...and wait for the sealing popping sounds. It's exciting.

Canned Peaches:

Peel and segment desired amount of peaches

Simple Syrup (2C sugar and 6C water, boil. This is a light syrup, there are heavier ones out there if you need a crazy amount of sugar)

Put the segments into jars, add simple syrup. Run a knife or spatula along the perimeter of the jars to get rid of extra air bubbles (they are not your friend). Seal and process for 20 mins.

I'm going back to Heber, to Heber, to Heber....

Were you singing my title like LL Cool J's "Going back to Cali"? You should have been, because that's what I was channeling.

So a little over a month ago, Meanie and I both agreed we needed to get the hell out of the Phoenix Inferno and go to cooler weather. We had 3 criterion: vacation destination was to be within driving distance, had to be well bellow 100*, and either green or blue had to be the predominant color (as opposed to the Phoenix brown). We narrowed it down to 2 options: Meanie's parents house next to the ocean in California, or Heber-Overgaard about 2 1/2 hours away. Debating between a 6 hour drive with free room/board AND a 2 1/2 hour drive where we would have to pay was a toss up. The Heber won because we would be leaving Friday after work and coming back Sunday...and to drive 6 hours for a quick turn around didn't seem worth it.

Plus Heber-Overgaard is way more fun to say. I've been saying it often. I feel like the Swedish chef...or like I'm from Minnesota, don'cha know... Heeeeeeeeeeeber-Overgaard...Heeeeeeeeeeber...Heberheberheber... It's fun.

I wanted to get a snap shot of a "Welcome to Heber Overgaard" sign, but the sign was in a location that was not conducive for me to climb to, so on our way out of town, we saw this sign:

While at the Heber-Overgaard, Meanie and I stayed at the Bison Ranch Resort. It was very nice, the hotel is set up like apartments and has a little "old town" section with shops, restaurant/bar, and coffee shop (with coffee that was more expensive than the bucks, and crappy!).

They even have a resident bison, Annie. I thought there was going to be a herd of bison. And I was hoping to be able to pet/hug the bison, but there was a double fencing around Annie, and I couldn't get near her.

So, I had to compromise and kiss a bison statue.

Saturday, Meanie and I decided to go cruising around for green lushness and find a good place to stroll and commune with nature. We saw a sign that said "Scenic Route 1/4 mile" so we turned to a nice unpaved road. The scenic route was more off-roading and not so high on the walking. It didn't lack in the pretty department.

Here's Meanie's car, a mean off roading machine. Never underestimate the power of a Scion bitches.

Some pretty pictures from the off roading adventure:

Meanie and I saw a sign that said "Lake 5M" and we went down that path. As we drove down that road, the signs for "lake" turned to "creek", then "creek" turned to "stream"... We were sure how much water we were going to actually see...however the road changed from unpaved to paved so it was nice to not jumble about so much.

THEN WE SAW WATER!!! And it was a stream. But we had to drive over the stream, hoping it would lead to larger water. I've never seen one of this stream-driver-over-thingies.

After we crossed, the road lead to a fish hatchery place. No big water. So we went back and took a stream photo, and I touched the water. It was cold.

Pretty.....

As an aside, I have this thing where I'm very anti public waters. I won't go in public pools, hell I'm wary of pools owned by people I don't know well... And I won't do oceans/lakes because I don't do seaweed, fish, sharks, etc. HOWEVER, when I see water (of the natural variety) I have to touch it...preferably dip in the tootsies and feel it flow over my feet, when possible. With this little mama-jama I settled for my hands to touch.

Back to the pictures...en route to the lake/creek/stream I saw an unaccompanied steamroller. And who doesn't want to be in a steamroller?? If there were keys in it, I so would have done a joyride. Instead, I climbed up and enjoyed the photo op.

Here's Meanie, rollin'....

And me... don't I look fierce??

OH!! And coming back from the lake/creek/stream we saw these nasty ass trees covered in humungo spiderwebs. DIS-GUS-TING!!!! I don't want to even thing about the creature that could make such a webby thingy. It would probably eat me.

Driving back to Phoenix Sunday, the skies up ahead we showing signs of rain.....

And then, it got wet.....

We passed this guy toting a horse.

We actually saw him again later down the road (we did a little excursion (where the Heber sign picture was taken)) and took another picture, more in focus, but less horse.

This is a cool pic that Meanie got from our excursion we made between the horse sighting....

It was a great weekend. The weather was perfect. It was quiet, minus an early morning whistler. The biggest dilemma Meanie and I had was where to eat. The only bad thing that happened the entire time was the mistake of watching The Constant Gardener. I heard it was supposed to be good, we both hadn't seen it. I thought it was going to be a drama, with a little love... WRONG!!!! It was about big Pharma, drug testing, people dying from the med trials, and a conspiracy that this wife was trying to make public that got her killed, and her husband trying to figure out why his wife was killed, and in turn getting killed himself. Great flick (note: that should be read with the strongest sarcasm possible).

Oh- the other bad thing- I kicked Meanie's ass in Phase 10! HAHA!!!

Rock out, with your Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeber-Overgaard cock out.