Talking to Hitler this morning at work. She wants to book a cruise in March and wanted to know when the parentals are going, and some other boring talk about future vacation planning. She tells me that with this next cruise her and Ava will have a status change from Gold to Silver. I asked her why it isn’t the other way around- from gold to silver. She doesn’t know. (She’s so useless sometimes).
Then I start singing….
Me: “Silver and gold- silver and gold- how do you measure its worth- simply by the pleasure it brings here on earth”
Hitler: …
Me: QUICK!!! Name that movie!!
Hitler: Why do I have to play this game??
Me: Because I said so. And you’ll get bonus points if you know who sings it too!!
Hitler: (thinking hard)…it’s not a movie, it’s a tv show.
Me: It’s a made for TV Movie- technicalities. Name the show!!
Hitler: OH!!!! IT’S RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED RE-NANE-DEER!!!
Me: Re-nane-deer??? Who sings it? Did you really just say re-nane-deer??
Hitler: I don’t know the elf? And shut up.
Me: It was Cornelius something- the guy who mines the silver and gold, and tries to kill the bumble snowman. Re-nana-deer though?? Really??
Hitler: Whatever, re-nane-deer. I have to go, I’m busy at work.
Me: Yes soooo busy, planning a vacation AT WORK. Re-nana-deer.
There are many words Hitler screws up, which brings endless enjoyment to me. Primarily because it’s funny, and secondly she’s “the smart one” so when she screws up on pronunciations it makes me feel better.
Three words that bring me endless joy: colander, epitome, preface.
*****
The Colander Story:
Walking in Wal-Mart and Hitler is moving into her first apartment and looks down and sees a colander.
H: OH!! A coe-land-er!! I need one of those.
M: What the fuck is a coe-land-er?? (I look at the object in her hand) OH! A colander.
H: No it’s a coe-land-er not cah-lahn-der.
M: No it’s cah-lahn-der not coe-land-er you idiot.
I still make fun of the colander business that when I actually say the word I have to really think is it “coe-land-er” or “cah-lahn-der”.
*****
The Epitome Story:
We are in college, and it’s a weekend that I’m home, I’m working a paper in my sculpture class.
M: Hey, Hitler, can you proof-read my sculpture paper.
H: Sure… (reading, reading, reading)… What the hell does “epp-ih-toe-m” mean? Why can’t you use normal words?M: What the hell are you talking about?? (read, read, read) It’s not “epp-ih-toe-m” you jackass. It ‘ih-pit-o-me’. Don’t you know English?
H: I’ve never used the word epitome, let alone spell it.
M: You’re supposed to be the smart one.
****
The Preface story:
Driving in the car with Hitler, I ask her about the movie Skeleton Key.
H: Well the pre-face of the story is….
M: Wait, “pre-face”?? Don’t you mean “preh-fiss”?
H: “Pre-face” “preh-fiss” whatever. It’s all the same. Anyways…
M: No, it’s not the same. One’s a word, one is not.
*****
There are more instances of the mispronunciations, but these are the ones I tease about the most…and I’m adding re-nane-deer to the list.
This just goes to prove that it doesn't matter that one might have been in the nation honor society starting her sophomore year in high school (while her sibling didn't get in until her senior year)....or that one might study for hours upon hours to get A's and have a higher GPA. You can still be a jack ass.
Rock out, epitomized, prefaced by a colander, with a reindeer.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Ava proves he’s useful
The other weekend, Hitler and Ava stopped by my place (just before he abandoned my sister to watch little boys play with their balls…I just want to rub that in) with Mr. Boo. It marked Boo’s first time coming to Auntie L’s house. I ran around putting up the untouchables, to avoid breaking, while he was there. Boo also managed to make a decent mess in the 45 minute visit. We did play swords with my wrapping paper tubes, that was fun.
Anyways, I was having technical difficulties with my DVD player and no sound. I thought I figured out what was wrong…but still no sound. Ava looked at my player and POOF fixed it.
You know what that means right???
TIME FOR TWILIGHT!!!!
So, I watched it last night. My god it was heavenly, glorious, a dream. I haven’t seen Edward in 2 months!! It’s so nice to be able to partake in my unnatural addiction/obsession in the privacy of my own home. I can rewind, fast forward, pause…and just stare at Edward. I’ve missed him.
Thank you, Ava, for your assistance. You are definitely my favorite brother in law, and let me tell you, you have some stiff competition.
Rock out, like a sparkling vampire
Anyways, I was having technical difficulties with my DVD player and no sound. I thought I figured out what was wrong…but still no sound. Ava looked at my player and POOF fixed it.
You know what that means right???
TIME FOR TWILIGHT!!!!
So, I watched it last night. My god it was heavenly, glorious, a dream. I haven’t seen Edward in 2 months!! It’s so nice to be able to partake in my unnatural addiction/obsession in the privacy of my own home. I can rewind, fast forward, pause…and just stare at Edward. I’ve missed him.
Thank you, Ava, for your assistance. You are definitely my favorite brother in law, and let me tell you, you have some stiff competition.
Rock out, like a sparkling vampire
Friday, July 24, 2009
Houston.....we have a moron
And that moron would be me. Why am I moron?? There are so many reasons. But I think last nights episode really takes the cake…or the chex mix given that was my last moron move.
I go over to the parentals last night. Mom asks if I want to go to Hitler’s to visit (Ava was at a football camp all week for his high school team- and he ABONDONED Hitler for an ENTIRE WEEK with a sick Boo…good job Ava…hope watching high school boys playing with their balls was worth it) and see the stinky Boo. We tootle over to Hitler’s, Boo’s eating dinner, Hunka-Hunka Burning B (Ava’s brother) was there too. We chat, we socialize. Hunka-Hunka leaves, I give Boo a bath….Hitler needs to run to the gas station, mom wants an iced latte (non fat, ½ caf, iced with no ice…good lord), so Hitler asks if I want to do the quick run with her, mom will stay with the stinky Boo boy. I move my car- and hop into Hitler’s….we go to the gas station, get the beverage for mom, and Hitler decides to stop at Subway to get dinner for her and Ava (who was to be arriving home that night from the football camp).
We come back and I hear a car running- I say something about Ava getting back earlier than expected…No, it wasn’t Ava. IT WAS MY CAR!!!! When I moved my car for Hitler to drive, I left it running, with the doors locked and the only set of keys in the ignition, and window cracked about ½ an inch. MOTHER FUCKER!!!!
I ask Hitler for a wire hanger to try and push the widow buttons or the locks or something. Hitler makes a Joan Crawford wire hanger comment (No wire hangers EVER!!!!!!). She comes back outside- and we can’t get enough pressure for any of the buttons with the hanger. I think maybe a spatula or something that’s more solid. As I walk through the garage I see a crowbar!! Surely that will work. Luckily the window was open enough for the crowbar to fit in, and the angle of the non-hooky side was able to reach the latch for the back window…
WINDOW DOWN!!!!
CAR DOOR OPEN!!!!
I crawl in the back seat get my keys and go inside!!
PRAISE JESUS!!!!
It only took half hour or so.
Go me.
I swear to God, being a blonde is painful and not for the weak of heart.
Rock out with you ignition running
I go over to the parentals last night. Mom asks if I want to go to Hitler’s to visit (Ava was at a football camp all week for his high school team- and he ABONDONED Hitler for an ENTIRE WEEK with a sick Boo…good job Ava…hope watching high school boys playing with their balls was worth it) and see the stinky Boo. We tootle over to Hitler’s, Boo’s eating dinner, Hunka-Hunka Burning B (Ava’s brother) was there too. We chat, we socialize. Hunka-Hunka leaves, I give Boo a bath….Hitler needs to run to the gas station, mom wants an iced latte (non fat, ½ caf, iced with no ice…good lord), so Hitler asks if I want to do the quick run with her, mom will stay with the stinky Boo boy. I move my car- and hop into Hitler’s….we go to the gas station, get the beverage for mom, and Hitler decides to stop at Subway to get dinner for her and Ava (who was to be arriving home that night from the football camp).
We come back and I hear a car running- I say something about Ava getting back earlier than expected…No, it wasn’t Ava. IT WAS MY CAR!!!! When I moved my car for Hitler to drive, I left it running, with the doors locked and the only set of keys in the ignition, and window cracked about ½ an inch. MOTHER FUCKER!!!!
I ask Hitler for a wire hanger to try and push the widow buttons or the locks or something. Hitler makes a Joan Crawford wire hanger comment (No wire hangers EVER!!!!!!). She comes back outside- and we can’t get enough pressure for any of the buttons with the hanger. I think maybe a spatula or something that’s more solid. As I walk through the garage I see a crowbar!! Surely that will work. Luckily the window was open enough for the crowbar to fit in, and the angle of the non-hooky side was able to reach the latch for the back window…
WINDOW DOWN!!!!
CAR DOOR OPEN!!!!
I crawl in the back seat get my keys and go inside!!
PRAISE JESUS!!!!
It only took half hour or so.
Go me.
I swear to God, being a blonde is painful and not for the weak of heart.
Rock out with you ignition running
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Death by Chex Mix
I unknowingly almost killed myself. Damn chex mix.
I was making my lunch (which for some reason is like the kiss of death, right along with mowing the lawn, dusting, and oil changes) and saw my box of chex mix that I bought from my last trip to Costco, and toss in a bag.
When I go to eat my glorious lunch (I never would have thought I’d still be lunching on PB&J at 29…I thought my lunches would be more glamorous, but they are not, because it’s like a kiss of death to put a lunch together, and I’m too cheap to eat out everyday), and I open up the mix, I’m assaulted by the smell of plastic wafting in my face. I thought it was odd, the plastic smell. I chalked it up to the whole A/C issue and irregular temps and it making the bag funky, the mix should be fine though. Right? Right…. WRONG!!!
I munch on some mix and think “this doesn’t taste right”…more mix munching….”yeah, this really doesn’t taste right”…. Then the lips get this odd numbing/tingling feeling, as does my mouth. Is my mix poisoned???? I believe it is. The combination of the plastic smell and off taste (which is slightly plastic as well) is now making me nauseous and I’m feeling slight asphyxiated. GROOVY. I wonder if Chex Mix goes bad. I look at the date. And sure enough, it’s expired…IN JULY TWO THOUSAND-FUCKING-SEVEN!!!!!!! TWO YEARS AGO!!!!!
When was I last at Costco to make said purchase?? Has it really been that long…And I think it was in 2006 or 2005 when I was last there. HOLY CRAP…
TINGLE
NUMB
ASPHYSIATION
It continues….I’m getting a headache and light headed.
I’m going to die from eating fucking chex mix that is over 2 years old. HOLY SHIT.
I get water and start drinking as much as possible to flush the toxins out of my system. Within 30 minutes, I’m feeling better.
Fucking Chex Mix.
And fuck me for keeping food for YEARS and not touching it!!!
Needless to say, I dumped the large box of Chex Mix when I got home.
Good times.
Go me.
A little aside that has nothing to do with Chex Mix. Doing a conference call today with Meanie, SuperJ, CwJ, myself and Tourettes (who’s in India)…at the end of the call, this super annoying (to me at least) person wants to talk to SuperJ about some contact crap. All of a sudden the line goes quiet… SuperJ is all “Hello? Hello? Hello???” And the idiot chimes in… “Oh sorry I had a large piece of meat in my mouth, and I was having a hard time swallowing it…” she says goodbye shortly after that. The room BUSTS OUT LAUGHING. Some people should really think before they speak.
Rock out, with your large expired meaty cock out.
I was making my lunch (which for some reason is like the kiss of death, right along with mowing the lawn, dusting, and oil changes) and saw my box of chex mix that I bought from my last trip to Costco, and toss in a bag.
When I go to eat my glorious lunch (I never would have thought I’d still be lunching on PB&J at 29…I thought my lunches would be more glamorous, but they are not, because it’s like a kiss of death to put a lunch together, and I’m too cheap to eat out everyday), and I open up the mix, I’m assaulted by the smell of plastic wafting in my face. I thought it was odd, the plastic smell. I chalked it up to the whole A/C issue and irregular temps and it making the bag funky, the mix should be fine though. Right? Right…. WRONG!!!
I munch on some mix and think “this doesn’t taste right”…more mix munching….”yeah, this really doesn’t taste right”…. Then the lips get this odd numbing/tingling feeling, as does my mouth. Is my mix poisoned???? I believe it is. The combination of the plastic smell and off taste (which is slightly plastic as well) is now making me nauseous and I’m feeling slight asphyxiated. GROOVY. I wonder if Chex Mix goes bad. I look at the date. And sure enough, it’s expired…IN JULY TWO THOUSAND-FUCKING-SEVEN!!!!!!! TWO YEARS AGO!!!!!
When was I last at Costco to make said purchase?? Has it really been that long…And I think it was in 2006 or 2005 when I was last there. HOLY CRAP…
TINGLE
NUMB
ASPHYSIATION
It continues….I’m getting a headache and light headed.
I’m going to die from eating fucking chex mix that is over 2 years old. HOLY SHIT.
I get water and start drinking as much as possible to flush the toxins out of my system. Within 30 minutes, I’m feeling better.
Fucking Chex Mix.
And fuck me for keeping food for YEARS and not touching it!!!
Needless to say, I dumped the large box of Chex Mix when I got home.
Good times.
Go me.
A little aside that has nothing to do with Chex Mix. Doing a conference call today with Meanie, SuperJ, CwJ, myself and Tourettes (who’s in India)…at the end of the call, this super annoying (to me at least) person wants to talk to SuperJ about some contact crap. All of a sudden the line goes quiet… SuperJ is all “Hello? Hello? Hello???” And the idiot chimes in… “Oh sorry I had a large piece of meat in my mouth, and I was having a hard time swallowing it…” she says goodbye shortly after that. The room BUSTS OUT LAUGHING. Some people should really think before they speak.
Rock out, with your large expired meaty cock out.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Interesting...
I'm at work, trying to get crap done, listening to my music when Vaka by Sigur Rios pops on. I know the lead singer has an interesting voice- all weirdy high pitched...But the Vaka. I seriously thought I was listening to some muppets dying a slow and painful death.
I first heard Sigur Rios when I saw Vanilla Sky and got it's soundtrack. I likened that song to a dying Yoko Ono on downers.
Listen at your own risk.
Rock out, dying like muppet.
I first heard Sigur Rios when I saw Vanilla Sky and got it's soundtrack. I likened that song to a dying Yoko Ono on downers.
Listen at your own risk.
Rock out, dying like muppet.
Friday, July 17, 2009
DUDES!!! I totally forgot!!!
Seriously the blonde thing…it’s painful sometimes.
I forgot 2 other fronts. Shame on me.
DANCING
Sunday, Mom was watching a Michael Jackson video thing on BET. The fact that my mom was watching BET should be shocking enough…but it gets better. Beat It came on and mom was attempting to do the wrist flicky Beat It dance. I begged her to stop. It was unnatural.
A while later, dad waltzed into the room and attempted to moonwalk. THE HORROR. Dad is a ghostly pale redneck from Tennessee and has no rhythm. His moonwalk looked like an ostrich walking backwards.
Both instances were sooo tragically white and horrendous.
Please, head my warning…don’t watch your parents dance like MJ. It’s scaring.
HARPERS ISLAND
The show finished this past Saturday. Tuschka and I have been ‘watching it together’ over the phone…I screamed a lot. Poor Tuschka probably lost some hearing in her ear because of that.
My apologies, Tuschka, if you can hear me.
I have this problem. When I get scared and scream out loud, I get the raging case of the giggles. It’s relentless. I can’t stop, I can’t breathe. I giggle even more because I’m an idiot. Hell, just thinking about it now makes me start to snicker a bit.
Okay, so we wrapped up the HI last weekend. WOW. It’s all I gotta say. The weeks leading up to the 2 hour finale were all high end excitement and tension. But the last show was much slower (primarily because there weren’t too many more people to kill), and sad. Once you found out who was doing the killing, and watching that person killing the finally 2 people, given their significance to the killer, it was sad. Also, the killer was totally off his rocker…as to be expected. Tuschka and I just kept watching and saying “wow” a lot.
If it is available on DVD, rent it, watch it, you’ll love it.
Rock out, dancing like whitey on a mass murdering island.
I forgot 2 other fronts. Shame on me.
DANCING
Sunday, Mom was watching a Michael Jackson video thing on BET. The fact that my mom was watching BET should be shocking enough…but it gets better. Beat It came on and mom was attempting to do the wrist flicky Beat It dance. I begged her to stop. It was unnatural.
A while later, dad waltzed into the room and attempted to moonwalk. THE HORROR. Dad is a ghostly pale redneck from Tennessee and has no rhythm. His moonwalk looked like an ostrich walking backwards.
Both instances were sooo tragically white and horrendous.
Please, head my warning…don’t watch your parents dance like MJ. It’s scaring.
HARPERS ISLAND
The show finished this past Saturday. Tuschka and I have been ‘watching it together’ over the phone…I screamed a lot. Poor Tuschka probably lost some hearing in her ear because of that.
My apologies, Tuschka, if you can hear me.
I have this problem. When I get scared and scream out loud, I get the raging case of the giggles. It’s relentless. I can’t stop, I can’t breathe. I giggle even more because I’m an idiot. Hell, just thinking about it now makes me start to snicker a bit.
Okay, so we wrapped up the HI last weekend. WOW. It’s all I gotta say. The weeks leading up to the 2 hour finale were all high end excitement and tension. But the last show was much slower (primarily because there weren’t too many more people to kill), and sad. Once you found out who was doing the killing, and watching that person killing the finally 2 people, given their significance to the killer, it was sad. Also, the killer was totally off his rocker…as to be expected. Tuschka and I just kept watching and saying “wow” a lot.
If it is available on DVD, rent it, watch it, you’ll love it.
Rock out, dancing like whitey on a mass murdering island.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Frontage roads.
Time for random fronts… seeing that there’s nothing massive going on, and I’m getting heat from some people to post things…
WORK, part 1
You know you love it when I talk work. Work is exciting, invigorating, and thrilling.
A couple of weeks ago we had a fabulous Townhall meeting. I love Townhalls. Mr. Penetrating Big Wig wasn’t so big on the penetrating or deeply impacting this time around. He did, however, share with us an awe inspiring story. Person A, a former employee now working for out competitor, was chatting with Person B, who’s still currently employed at my company. Person A shared some privy information about contract renegotiation and issues with some big-um client. Person B told their manager, their manager told someone else, and so on and so on…essentially we stole a $10 million contract away from the competitor. Mr. PBW wanted to share with us that “no matter how insignificant a rumor might be at work, or how large, never discuss family business outside of the family.” Any one else felt a Godfather vibe?? He reiterated the importance of family a couple of times.
All I could think of was “YOU ARE FIRING HALF OF YOUR FAMILY ASSHOLE!!!!!” And you want me to be loyal to you?? You aren’t loyal to me. Really, go fuck yourself with a stick of dynamite.
Not that I’m bitter.
WORK, Part 2
We trained our Little Indian Friends for 7 and 8 weeks, sent them back home to train their LIFs. My LIF that I trained is doing okay. I only get a dozen or so “Yeah, Hiya” calls a day on average. However Meanie’s LIF, he isn’t doing so well…and he’s not training his LIFs well either. Things are going so bad on that they were all given the boot. Now the goal is to hire 3 new LIFs, bring them over here, and then have Meanie and KIA train for 12 weeks. Then the LIFs go back and then things slowly get transitioned over there. Doesn’t that sound groovy. Lucky Meanie.
KIA
HOLY SHIT KIA GOT A NEW WARDROBE!!!!! After 6 months of tracking her outfits, this week she introduced 2 new shirts in the mix. We might have to abandon our tally system if this keeps up or incorporate new colors to the board. This is a big, big deal.
A SPECIAL BIRTHDAY CARD
My LIF is having a birthday at the end of the month. While Tourettes is in India doing on site training/adding more confusion, she will present LIF with his special birthday card.
Isn’t it magnificent?!?!?!?!?! We found out on his last day that he was a Magician…and who doesn’t love a little Edward with a birthday card?? I was seriously doing a happy dance when I made it. It turned out better than I could have hoped.
MOM
Just had a new scan done. The tumor on the liver shrunk 110% percent. Now, I’m not all mathy, but I don’t get how something can shrink 110% and still be there, but it can. Hitler tried explaining it to me, but all I heard was “mwah, mwah, mwah”. Bottom line, tumor is small, practically dead, and you can see other organs (like kidneys) in her abdomen now. She still needs to finish out the chemo, since it’s working, and in September surgery will be looked at.
KIDDY BIRTHDAYS
Hitler’s BFF’s daughter turned 3 last month. The birthday party was held at an indoor jumper/jungle gym place. Holy shit. It was exhausting. By the end of the party, it was melt down central. There was a girl about 8 or so, that whenever I looked behind me there she was. Boo wanted to go down the jumper slide thing…Hitler would haul her ass up, and I get ready to hand her Boo, this girl would come up and want to go first…every single damn time, no matter what jumper thing we were at. I wanted to punch her.
It was also a lovely sight to watch my fat ass army crawl into the jumpers…which deflate in the opening to let you in. Getting out was even more fun. I would slide out on my ass, then the thing would deflate and I would fall to the ground.
Good times.
In turn, Mr. Boo got pink eye…in both eyes. Twice.
BC42
Tushcka and I are doing our own mini book club…a book club for 2. On the list so far: Dr. Zhivago, Actor and the Housewife, Austenland, and Frozen Fire. We both have Austenland and Actor/Housewife, but Austenland is only 200pages, I’ll get that done in a night, it’s out book #1. It’s going to be exciting.
I can see it now, BC42 will be the next hot trend in the book clubs!!
Also in the book realm of things, I have been a reading fiend. I think I have read at least 15 books in the last month, at least. I know I read a series of 6 books, then a series of 4, then a 900pg behemoth, and some other stragglers. I’m now reading City of Bones…holy cow, it’s some good stuff so far. I’m sure a review will come.
AC BS
So, I opted to replace my A/C. It was a process and took me a while to convince myself to do it…not to mention finagling the finances for 5+ thousand to pay for the unit and then there’s some drywall repair. It was a 2 week ordeal.
They came to install Monday, got there at 830am and left at 1030pm!! Sweet Jesus, that was a long as day. For them mind you. I read two and a half books. I had 2 guys installing. A brother from another mother, and short white guy with a maniacal laugh that was frightening.
When the unit was finally installed, and they left, and I went to bed, and then I got up in the morning for work…there was water on my floor!! WTF!!!!!!!!! Didn’t I just pay to have this resolved??? The company called me in the morning to tell me that the drain pipe has to go up before it goes down to drain…and they can’t fix it because of the framing for the condo. Maybe the drywall guy can do it.
WTF?????????
And I’m not talking little leaks here, I had 3 buckets, a floor of towels, and I was also emptying out the drip pan manually twice a day and getting about 2.5 quarts each time. It was ridiculous!
So I get the drywall guy over. He looks at the job and says we’ll start Wednesday the next week. He comes, he has to re-route the pipe tear into my guest bedroom, re-drywall. It was another 12 hour day (and 2 books). Oh- and another $900. He also had the A/C people come back out to insulate things that should have been insulated at time of installation. He was also baffled that the AC people would do the new drip line because that’s what the do. Whatever. After 12 hours of work, I was all patched up and no longer leaking.
This past Monday I finally got my interior unit capped and I am officially done.
Thank you, God.
HEAT
It’s hotter than a motherfucker outside. Yes, I know I live in Arizona. And, yes, I know it’s supposed to get hot here. I was driving home the other day and the temp flashes on the bank at 117. One nigh at the 10 o’clock news, its still 106. It still takes me aback, after 8 years of living here.
Anyways, it’s nasty hot. It’s like testicle melting weather. If I had testicles and I lived here, I would be infertile.
AND AN INTRODUCTION
Hitler and Ava got a new puppy.
WORK, part 1
You know you love it when I talk work. Work is exciting, invigorating, and thrilling.
A couple of weeks ago we had a fabulous Townhall meeting. I love Townhalls. Mr. Penetrating Big Wig wasn’t so big on the penetrating or deeply impacting this time around. He did, however, share with us an awe inspiring story. Person A, a former employee now working for out competitor, was chatting with Person B, who’s still currently employed at my company. Person A shared some privy information about contract renegotiation and issues with some big-um client. Person B told their manager, their manager told someone else, and so on and so on…essentially we stole a $10 million contract away from the competitor. Mr. PBW wanted to share with us that “no matter how insignificant a rumor might be at work, or how large, never discuss family business outside of the family.” Any one else felt a Godfather vibe?? He reiterated the importance of family a couple of times.
All I could think of was “YOU ARE FIRING HALF OF YOUR FAMILY ASSHOLE!!!!!” And you want me to be loyal to you?? You aren’t loyal to me. Really, go fuck yourself with a stick of dynamite.
Not that I’m bitter.
WORK, Part 2
We trained our Little Indian Friends for 7 and 8 weeks, sent them back home to train their LIFs. My LIF that I trained is doing okay. I only get a dozen or so “Yeah, Hiya” calls a day on average. However Meanie’s LIF, he isn’t doing so well…and he’s not training his LIFs well either. Things are going so bad on that they were all given the boot. Now the goal is to hire 3 new LIFs, bring them over here, and then have Meanie and KIA train for 12 weeks. Then the LIFs go back and then things slowly get transitioned over there. Doesn’t that sound groovy. Lucky Meanie.
KIA
HOLY SHIT KIA GOT A NEW WARDROBE!!!!! After 6 months of tracking her outfits, this week she introduced 2 new shirts in the mix. We might have to abandon our tally system if this keeps up or incorporate new colors to the board. This is a big, big deal.
A SPECIAL BIRTHDAY CARD
My LIF is having a birthday at the end of the month. While Tourettes is in India doing on site training/adding more confusion, she will present LIF with his special birthday card.
Isn’t it magnificent?!?!?!?!?! We found out on his last day that he was a Magician…and who doesn’t love a little Edward with a birthday card?? I was seriously doing a happy dance when I made it. It turned out better than I could have hoped.
MOM
Just had a new scan done. The tumor on the liver shrunk 110% percent. Now, I’m not all mathy, but I don’t get how something can shrink 110% and still be there, but it can. Hitler tried explaining it to me, but all I heard was “mwah, mwah, mwah”. Bottom line, tumor is small, practically dead, and you can see other organs (like kidneys) in her abdomen now. She still needs to finish out the chemo, since it’s working, and in September surgery will be looked at.
KIDDY BIRTHDAYS
Hitler’s BFF’s daughter turned 3 last month. The birthday party was held at an indoor jumper/jungle gym place. Holy shit. It was exhausting. By the end of the party, it was melt down central. There was a girl about 8 or so, that whenever I looked behind me there she was. Boo wanted to go down the jumper slide thing…Hitler would haul her ass up, and I get ready to hand her Boo, this girl would come up and want to go first…every single damn time, no matter what jumper thing we were at. I wanted to punch her.
It was also a lovely sight to watch my fat ass army crawl into the jumpers…which deflate in the opening to let you in. Getting out was even more fun. I would slide out on my ass, then the thing would deflate and I would fall to the ground.
Good times.
In turn, Mr. Boo got pink eye…in both eyes. Twice.
BC42
Tushcka and I are doing our own mini book club…a book club for 2. On the list so far: Dr. Zhivago, Actor and the Housewife, Austenland, and Frozen Fire. We both have Austenland and Actor/Housewife, but Austenland is only 200pages, I’ll get that done in a night, it’s out book #1. It’s going to be exciting.
I can see it now, BC42 will be the next hot trend in the book clubs!!
Also in the book realm of things, I have been a reading fiend. I think I have read at least 15 books in the last month, at least. I know I read a series of 6 books, then a series of 4, then a 900pg behemoth, and some other stragglers. I’m now reading City of Bones…holy cow, it’s some good stuff so far. I’m sure a review will come.
AC BS
So, I opted to replace my A/C. It was a process and took me a while to convince myself to do it…not to mention finagling the finances for 5+ thousand to pay for the unit and then there’s some drywall repair. It was a 2 week ordeal.
They came to install Monday, got there at 830am and left at 1030pm!! Sweet Jesus, that was a long as day. For them mind you. I read two and a half books. I had 2 guys installing. A brother from another mother, and short white guy with a maniacal laugh that was frightening.
When the unit was finally installed, and they left, and I went to bed, and then I got up in the morning for work…there was water on my floor!! WTF!!!!!!!!! Didn’t I just pay to have this resolved??? The company called me in the morning to tell me that the drain pipe has to go up before it goes down to drain…and they can’t fix it because of the framing for the condo. Maybe the drywall guy can do it.
WTF?????????
And I’m not talking little leaks here, I had 3 buckets, a floor of towels, and I was also emptying out the drip pan manually twice a day and getting about 2.5 quarts each time. It was ridiculous!
So I get the drywall guy over. He looks at the job and says we’ll start Wednesday the next week. He comes, he has to re-route the pipe tear into my guest bedroom, re-drywall. It was another 12 hour day (and 2 books). Oh- and another $900. He also had the A/C people come back out to insulate things that should have been insulated at time of installation. He was also baffled that the AC people would do the new drip line because that’s what the do. Whatever. After 12 hours of work, I was all patched up and no longer leaking.
This past Monday I finally got my interior unit capped and I am officially done.
Thank you, God.
HEAT
It’s hotter than a motherfucker outside. Yes, I know I live in Arizona. And, yes, I know it’s supposed to get hot here. I was driving home the other day and the temp flashes on the bank at 117. One nigh at the 10 o’clock news, its still 106. It still takes me aback, after 8 years of living here.
Anyways, it’s nasty hot. It’s like testicle melting weather. If I had testicles and I lived here, I would be infertile.
AND AN INTRODUCTION
Hitler and Ava got a new puppy.
That's it...I'm done...no more fronts.
Rock, cock, peace out.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Boycott Part II
Ahhhh….another glorious Saturday with the Oma. And I know on everyone’s mind is: Will Oma purchase things from Alaska now that Palin is resigning?????? I asked, and the answer is a flat NO. Oma’s reasoning: I don’t want to support a state that elects an uneducated person into office. Her husband is a manual worker, so he didn’t go to school, so she mustn’t have gone to school herself.
Yes, only the uneducated married the uneducated and the schooled married the schooled.
Another concern I’m sure some may have is the Chinese toothbrush. How will Oma keep her non-pearly white dentures clean? Have no fear- I found one for her at Big Lots made in Germany. Thank you Crest. And Oma whipped out her magnifying glass to be sure that the toothbrush actually said “Made in Germany”. I have no doubt this will be the best toothbrush she ever purchased.
And a closing comment made by Oma as we passed a large new Ford truck, parked in a handicap space, while walking into the produce store…
O: Shau mal das grosses tuck an. (non German/English hybrid speakers: Look at that big truck.) How can an invalid afford such a thing?
M: Oma- just because you are an invalid, it doesn’t mean you have no money. And just because you can park in handicap it doesn’t mean you are invalid.
Rock out, invalid.
Yes, only the uneducated married the uneducated and the schooled married the schooled.
Another concern I’m sure some may have is the Chinese toothbrush. How will Oma keep her non-pearly white dentures clean? Have no fear- I found one for her at Big Lots made in Germany. Thank you Crest. And Oma whipped out her magnifying glass to be sure that the toothbrush actually said “Made in Germany”. I have no doubt this will be the best toothbrush she ever purchased.
And a closing comment made by Oma as we passed a large new Ford truck, parked in a handicap space, while walking into the produce store…
O: Shau mal das grosses tuck an. (non German/English hybrid speakers: Look at that big truck.) How can an invalid afford such a thing?
M: Oma- just because you are an invalid, it doesn’t mean you have no money. And just because you can park in handicap it doesn’t mean you are invalid.
Rock out, invalid.
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