Fucking Zombies

If there is one figure in the horror films that I cannot stomach, it would be zombies. I don’t know what it is about the moaning, groaning, brain eating undead, but the mere thought of them totally fucks me up. And anything with a hit of zombie essence- like 28 Days Later… I can’t do it.

Ava and I got sucked into Bravo’s (I think it was Bravo) top 100 scariest movies of all time- a couple Halloweens ago. The list was full of zombie flicks. I remember watching and feeling like I was going to puke. There was some movie they showed where a zombie girl, about 13, had her face blown off, close range, by a shot gun, to kill her. NASTY.

Why am I talking about zombies since they bother me so much?? Easy…. I made the mistake of watching the Thriller video last night on MTV while they were doing the big Michael Jackson coverage (which was like a rainbow of shades of black and Michael Jackson).

Before I had the balls, or ovaries, to tolerate any ounce of horror (thank you Stephen King for writing IT, and my parents letting me read it when I was 12), everything, and I mean EVERYTHING scared me. The mere thought of the Thriller video when I was 5 made want to cry. I remember my dad bringing home the tape so we could watch it- he got scared (because he really has no balls), and I couldn’t take the first flash of MJ going all wolfy, so I hid in the kitchen with him. Hitler, was the opposite, and could take anything horror thrown her way (which fucking figures, because she’s Hitler and can be evil). I can remember just sitting in the kitchen and freaking out, every once in while I would peer around the corner into the family room, so I could see what was happening with the video. However, after the music video, there was the making of Thriller…that didn’t bother me so much. Watching them turn the dancers into zombies, tape the scenes where they dance and crawl out of the ground was okay, but I couldn’t actually watch the video. It makes no sense…but I never claimed I was a sensible person.

Fast forward to the 10th birthday party for a friend (we called her Marshmallow-Motorcycling-Mel, she hated it, and her birthday is Aug. 18th, same as Patrick Swayze, I haven’t talked to MMM since the 6th grade when she moved away, but I still remember her birthday, and being jealous that she and Johnny Castle had the same birthday)…we watched, as part of the sleep-over entertainment, Return of the Living Dead 2. I didn’t know what it was about….and then came the zombies. They came to ‘life’ because of acid rain and now were brain hungry fiends, killing anything and everything. It was raining when we were watching the movie…panic was increasing within me. Then I remembered we lived across the street from cemetery…more panic…. It’s raining and we are by a cemetery…I’m on the road for a 10 year old breakdown. Also, at MMM’s house, the closet underneath the stairs, wasn’t finished, the cat was in the closet, and walking behind the walls…so I could hear the cat (Tapper, I think, a silver gray tabby) walking about… RAIN, CEMETERY, SOUNDS COMING FROM BEHIND THE WALL…..I put my head in my nightgown and start to cry. The scare too much for me to take. I wanted to walk home, just around the block, but it was crazy late, it was raining, and there was the cemetery…what if there were zombies outside and I got eaten on my way home???? So I just sat there and cried, cried, and cried. It was a fun night, and no the friends didn’t really rescue me from the horrors I was suffering, I was teased, the movie still played, and I cried into my nightgown…

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, great childhood memories.

So back to the topic at hand…I fucking hate zombies…and I watched Thriller last night. I texted Tuschka during the viewing that I was watching it, I hate the zombies, and I was feeling nauseated. BLAH… Seriously thought I was going to puke. What happened many hours later, when I went to bed???? I had lovely dreams of zombies….ALL….NIGHT….LONG!!!!

I fucking hate zombies.

Needless to say, I woke up in a chipper mood.

Rock out- dead, rotting, groaning, moaning, and with a serious hankering for some brains.