Hodgy Podgy

I’ve been meaning to put something up for a while now, but lacking the motivation to actually do so. I suck, I know. You don’t have to tell me. I look at November, and it seems like I attacked it with such gusto and then I just piddled out. I think I told Meanie that December was probably going to suck in the blog department. Hopefully it will be more quality over quantity.

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AVA!!!

I really didn’t think he read the blog, unless Hitler says “Read this, L said something funny”. Which is something, I’m sure, she hardly ever does. She’s hard to amuse and entertain. Anyways…I sit down to dinner Friday night last week (with Oma in toe) and he’s all “I’m snarky?? I don’t think I was being snarky.” I’m all “dude, what the hell you talking about??” and he’s all “the BLOG!!!” and I’m all “OH!”. He said he wanted to leave a “snarky” comment but had to register and stuff, and he’s too important for things like that.

He also gave me shit about putting my Sparkly Edward doll on too. I think deep, deep, deep down he wished he had something sparkly too. I bet he’s secretly read Twilight and is all swoony over Edward.


MY HOUSE IS CLEANSED

I had Oma with me all last weekend. You know what that means… All Catholic Channel all the team…at deafening volumes. I watched/heard 5 masses in 3 days (1 Friday, 2 Saturday, and 2 Sunday). I may not be Catholic, but the powers of Christ washed the sins away from my home. Jaeger was barely a devil dog (normally he starts growling in the Gospel and with the Our Father, I don’t know if he is a hell hound, or if it’s just the volume level that gets him going)…he only grrrrr’d a couple of times.

Oma was actually in a rather pleasant mood all weekend. Which is amazing. I mean, holiday Oma is a force to be reckoned with . It actually makes me slightly suicidal, or homicidal pending on how my buttons are pushed. I think the key to the pleasantness was the multiple Boo visits.

I also just got Oma’s Christmas present, we’ll see how long it takes for her to start slamming it. I got tickets for “In the Mood” a 1940’s type show with big band music, swing dancing. She usually sings praises during and just after a show I take her to, and then a week later says it’s awful and was a waste of my money. I love doing things for her.


Foiled by Hitler!

I was all ready to talk about Hitler’s blue balls…I had a post forming in my mind. I was going to call it “Hitler’s Blue Balls, Revisited”. And what does Hitler decide to do??? NOT HANG UP THE DAMN BLUE BALLS!!! She’s always ruining things lately. WHY???? Fucking hell, Hitler, fucking hell. Ava did say that when he saw the balls in the box he felt that he needed to do something with them, instead of leaving them alone.

I think they should hang in Hitler and Ava’s bedroom.


GLEE!

Meanie and I have been having GLEE! parties. Usually having dinner first, a little drinky drink, watch the show, laugh. It’s a good time. This Wednesday was the last episode until April!! This is going to suck…the hiatus. Fox bastards! For this last show we had a new attendee who has never seen the GLEE! and I really don’t know where he’s been. He’s a coworker from the former job (he needs a nickname). He enjoyed the GLEE! as well.

I made a damn good meal too!! I found this “Plum good chicken” recipe, and I was able to use one of my dozen or so jars of plum jam I’ve made. Seriously YUM, you should make it today. (And I used boobs instead of thighs in the recipe)

Meanie introduced me to the joy of Jeremiah Weed. When she first said the name to me and that I need to try it, before I knew what "it" was, I said "silly Meanie, you know I'm too uptight to do things called Jeremiah Weed!!" However the JW is not pot, it's sweet tea flavored vodka. Now, I love me some vodka. And I happen to love me some JW and lemonade. It has one of those potentials to where I drink, and drink, and drink, and then fall down. I love drinks like that. And I seriously can't remember the last time I fell down. Maybe one day soon it will happen.

Anyways...GLEE!!! If you bitches haven't seen it yet, now is your chance to get caught up in some reruns.


Speaking of needing a nickname…
I was trying to think of a nickname for the coworker friend. He’s super funny, got an odd sense of humor, and is quirky. He kills me.

A long while back, we had lunch together and played Mad-Libs. And being funny/odd/quirky, he came up with some fabulous ones. Please enjoy:

Drive hungrily. The meat wand you save may be your own.

Four out of five rolly pollies recommend gnome tails for their prancing squirrels who fling gum.

Hairless rats, just can’t eat 185.

Is it live or is it granny panties. (one of my favs. I actually had a dream where I was attacked by granny panties, kind of like the Blob).

And the best one!!! Juju Bees, melt in your little bitch mama, not in your jingly balls.

So, I was going to nickname him Little Bitch Mama (because there’s a story were he got mad at a jay walker and wanted to run the ‘little bitch mama’ down). And he’d be LBM for short. I can’t call him LBM. So I need to work on a nickname for him.

Meanie, I might need some assistance.


Speaking of LBM...

INSANE (DUH!!!!), and I can remember being in high school and working almost 40 hours a week at the same time during the holiday madness. I don’t know how I did it, and did well in school.

Anyways, so I was working in GW, and one of the seasonal help, Lucy, was always calling in. It was aggravating. Actually she wasn’t calling in, her mother was calling in for her. She was 20, 21, 22, something like that. What 20-something has her mother call in for her?? I was 17/18 and did my own call ins (not that I ever called in, honestly, I was only really sick 1 time while working there). So the primary excuse for the call was “Lucy has LBM.” I was like “LBM?? What the fuck is that??”. After the third or fourth call in I asked Diane (who I loved, retired civics teacher, very ‘no mess’ attitude and could be a BITCH but never to me) one day, what is this LBM business. Diane said “loose bowel movements”. I replied with “she’s constantly calling in for diarrhea?? She needs to change her diet”. Not to mention, if the LBM is sooo sever, and you can’t pick up the phone to call, maybe you need a doctor.

The girls that I worked with that were my age, were also curious about this LBM business, and I relayed the new found info. Lucy was nicknamed LBM the rest of the holiday season.


Longing

I need to see New Moon again.


Dixie

I’m going to see Dixie tonight. Taking mom. I know it’s going to be HILARIOUS. And this time I will feel a little more blended in, as I’m bringing my favorite gay Jew and his partner. When I saw the show with Hitler in January, and I didn’t have any gay cohorts with me, I felt like I was missing something. Since it’s interactive, and my favorite gay Jew loves to interact, I have the feeling this is will a very fun show.

If Dixie is coming to you, you have to see her. This lady pushes Tupperware like no one else.

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Okay. I'm tapped out. I can't think of anything else.

Rock out, like a little bitch mama.