Happy Birthday Skanky-Skank

Thirty-four glorious years ago the world was forever changed… Mz Skanky-Skank was brought into this world. It has yet to be determined if this change was for the better or not. Just teasing Skank…

So Skank, myself and our fabulous coworker (really need to come up with a name for her…) went for Cuban food. MMMMMMM…..

En route to the restaurant, this lovely conversation transpired…

CW (coworker friend): So Skank, what do you think you are going to eat?

Rapid response
M: PLANTAINS

S: Holy crap are you on speed?? I don’t know what I’m going get either **insert Cuban food item here** or **insert 2nd Cuban food item here**

Rapid response
M: PLANTAINS

CW: I think L wants some plantains

M (in the lovely tune by Cypress Hill): Plantains in the membrane… those plantains got no brains….

CW and Skank break into laughter and groans.

The rest of the day all I could sing was my new plantain song. I love plantains

**also on this glorious day, 34 years ago, my parentals got hitched...which also was earth shattering, as their union spawned ME!! And Hitler and my brother, but most importantly ME!!!

ATTW1 became ATTW3

January 1st, early, early in the morning ATTW1 and his Mrs. became parents to a little girl. When he told me back in August they were expecting- I started working on a blanket. I had every intention of finishing it and sending it to them ASAP...but then I pooped out, and didn't finish it until AFTER they had the baby... and all I had left was the last round of pink, blue, purple, white and trim. It took me no time to do, but just didn't work on it. I got lazy. Anyways- I finished it and sent it off so they should be getting it soon.

The blanket for the non-crocheters is just your basic granny square, the color combo reminds me of cotton candy.

Teabags and penetration, all in a days work...well, 2 days of work

It’s been an interesting start to the work week for me. To say the least. It’s been filled with statements and visuals that are just not good this perverted mind.

First: Teabaging- a whole new visual.
Tourettes (my annoying coworker, who really has the best intentions, but GOOD LORD she’s just annoying!! She’s prone weird verbal outbursts/sounds, will clean out her mouth and teeth while you talk to her, and pick her nose…) and I had to go over some new reports we are going share. She comes over to our fellow coworker’s desk to go over the how too’s… She comes over late and is carrying her typical cup of coffee. Only I notice it’s not coffee, it’s tea. And just as we start talking new reports, Tourettes jumps forward…I assume that she just spilled her hot beverage….we ask if she’s okay and she turns to me and the coworker with string hanging from her mouth. She’s sucking on the teabag and was going to cheek it to put it on a sore tooth. And she converses with us- cheeked teabag, dangly string and all. Since the mind is perverse, all I could think of is teabagging and tampons. Just not kosher.

Second: Penetration, deep penetration.
Had a lovely townhall meeting today at work. Talked about the financials of 2008- and the company going off-shore (I’ll know in 4-6 weeks how much longer I’ll have a job, woo-fucking-hoo…and the length of time I stay on is solely dependant on the “transfer of knowledge process” between me and the person they fly over from India, I reiterate, woo-fucking-hoo). And the company president is talking about ways to make 2009 a great year for the company and the big plans in place be successful (part of that plan would be to lay off about half their employees and ship everything of to India…doesn’t that sound like a stellar plan?????). Anyways…he kept talking about penetrating the market…penetrating customers…digging in deep to make an impact. I think he used penetrating and deep impact at least 4 times a piece in his little stint of verbal diarrhea. I still had visuals of the teabagging incident from yesterday in my head- so the whole penetrating and deep impact stuff wasn’t helping the dirty mind clean up.

Rock out, Cock out.

Conversing while intoxicated

Got a late night phone call Saturday, from a very near and dear friend, who was just a titch intoxicated...

Friend: I look like I'm having a one night stand, when I saw myself in the mirror, struggling to get out of my clothes so I can go to bed.

Me: And we aren't having that type of phone call are we?

Music, Maestro

Last night I was chatting with the over lovely Hitler (needed to nail down some specifics for tonight- going to see Dixie’s Tupperware Party). She was attempting to download songs to add to her MP3 and asked me for suggestions.

Me: OMG- you need Kings Of Leon Sex On Fire. HOLY SHIT!! It’s super, super hot and it’s going to make you want fuck Ava like you never have before.

H: Oooookay…..we’ll see about that.

Me: AND you are going to want Airborne Toxic Event Sometime Around Midnight. It’s another Ha cha cha. OH- and Ben’s Brother Kiss Me Stuttering AND Bad Dream. Bad Dream reminds me of New Moon. Seriously! It’s all Ha Cha Cha.

H: Ha cha cha? Is that all you listen to? Songs that are all ha cha cha??

Me: No, but there seems to be a new abundance of them. Do you have the Sex on Fire yet?? You need to listen in to it NOW… and turn it up so I can hear it too…Seriously, it’s his voice. It’s hot, it’s scratchy, it’s hot. HA CHA CHA.

Faintly in the background I hear it playing and start to sing along…

H: I don’t like it.

Me: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! You don’t like it?? What the fuck? How can you NOT like it?? First mom doesn’t like the Twilight Movie, and now you don’t like Sex on Fire. What the fuck- how am I related to any of you???? Ava’s right you are cold and frigid.

H: I’m not into all this alternative rocky stuff… it’s not what I’m looking for.

Me: Well, what are you looking for??

H: Something from back in the day. I just downloaded Humtpy Dance…

Me: Wait- you don’t like Sex on Fire…but you want the fucking Humpty Dance?? You’ve got to be shitting me.

H: And I just added Regulators…

Me: Mount up….

H: I want something like that.

So I gave some music suggestions from days of middle school and high school.

Me: Oh- you should add Phantom (in my best opera voice)
WHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA

H: Stop singing.

Me: Please- that’s a classic “us” moment…
Sing for me, angel of music
whhhhaaaaaaaa
Sing for me, angel of music
WHHaaaaaaaaaa
SING FOR ME
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

H: Stop singing or else I’ll hang up.

Me: You are no fun. Don’t you want to be 17 or 18 driving that horrible colored Lebaron convertible, driving top down, taking the back roads though Dundee to get to the mall and SHRIEKING at the top of our lungs “AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH”… it was so fun. Granted you are a little on the done deaf side, and can’t sing in key…which really makes it all the more funny…

H: Shut up. I’m not downloading this song.

Me: OH!! How about….

H: Shut up…

Me: Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody???
I see a little silhouetto of a man,
Scaramouche, scaramouche will you do the fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning-very very frightening me
I can keep going

H: Stop singing

Me: Galileo, Galileo,
GalileoGalileo
figaro-magnifico-oh-oh-oh
But I’m just a poor boy and nobody loves me
He’s just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity

H: Stop singing… you’re giving me a headache.

Me: You are no fun… So tomorrow night- I’ll come over shortly after work. And I’m going to make you listen to the Kings of Leon CD- you’ll change you mind. Ha cha cha.

H: Ha cha cha.

Why Yes I Do...

Here's Mr. Boo, my nephew (son of Hilter and Ava). I bought him this shirt for Christmas. And I quite agree with it. I do rock.

The Hour I First Believed, Wally Lamb

Just finished this book- It was a hard one. I love Wally Lamb books. I remember reading She’s Come Undone in high school being totally flabbergasted that this book was written by a guy. He had tapped so perfectly into the female mind… I had to remind myself that the words written where by a man and not a woman- which made the book all the more better. Then it was Oprah Book Club book- after I read it- which made me feel cool that I was ahead of the Oprah Book Club curve (I managed that with a couple of reads!! Go me!!). Then came I Know This Much is True. OMG. I was beyond enthralled by this book. I was reading it when I was interviewing for case management/social work positions- which was fitting seeing it was about twins where one’s schizophrenic and the other isn’t. I was excited about the book and stepping into my career as a social worker helping the mentally ill- It was al meant to be….

Sadly the SW career wasn’t a life long position- crap pay, crap treatment, and people too busy playing victim sucking the life out of me pretty much killed the dreams I had in college about working in the field. I spent time putting out fires that I couldn’t actually help people wanting to progress actually do so… I still love learning about the field- but I just can’t work in it. I really blame the drug addicts- they are the one’s that really killed me….it’s been years and I can’t watch shows like Intervention because I get all worked up and have my own little PTSD flashback.

I digress- this is about Wally Lamb, not me quitting social work.

I’ve been waiting with baited breath for his next novel, so when I saw on Amazon The Hour I First Believed was going to be released in November- I did a little happy dance. I bought the book just before Christmas- and I just got to reading it last week.

I can’t say I loved it as much as his first 2 books, but it wasn’t horrible either. It was way more depressing that the others. His books tend to have a somber tone to them- people dealing with hardships and adversity- but somehow in the end, things aren’t perfect but they learn from them, make the best of the situation, and things end more positive than they began. The characters in this book seem to suffer blow after blow- starting with Columbine (where Maureen, the main character’s, Caelum, wife, was actually in the school hiding out when the attacks occurred)- going to drug addiction, vehicular manslaughter, mental illness, death, prison, unraveling of family secrets… It’s just one thing after another, Caelum and Maureen take 1 step forward and 5 steps back- consistently. I just kept hoping that something positive was going to happen for them- some sign that said they’ll be all right and get over a decade long hump of just a shitty life. And it doesn’t really come. After the final blow- there’s about 20 pages left in the book and quick brushing over of how life is getting more bearable.

At one point in time- I was telling Tuschka about the book- saying that if it doesn’t perk up soon, I might have to slit my wrists because it’s just so damned depressing. I felt weighted down by all the crap being dealt out to Maureen and Caelum.

I almost feel the book needs a warning label for those susceptible to vicarious mental illness. I’m sure that starting it just after finishing Marley and Me (and the subsequent tears it produced) might not have been my smartest move… going from one emotional drain to the next….
Overall- the book isn't horrible- it's just hard to get through because of all the negativity and the lack of hope. I really wasn't sure how the character's were going to come out at the end- if they would even make it to the end.

Be still my heart

I la-la-love the leg wrinkles...

And then I saw the light....

Mark your calenders... March 21, 2009

You can pre-order it here, to be cool like me. And notice it's a DOUBLE DISC SPECIAL EDITION.

I think I hear angels singing faintly in the distance....

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times…

My normal routine at work in the morning… goal to get in by 7am, usually I’m in between 7:15 and 7:20…I drop my stuff at my desk and then CC and I make a run to the Starbucks. Everyday…unless one of us is not here. It’s a quick jaunt across the street- get some fresh air before we lock ourselves away and do what ever crap we have to do. It started off just as just a Friday treat, then there was the occasional midweek run in the morning, then it just became daily.

Today on the walk over, CC told me that she FINALLY got accepted into the nursing program that she has been working so long and hard to get into, and was waitlisted at the end of this past semester. Classes started on Monday- as in January 5th!! And she was called Monday night about people not being able to start, and if she wants in to come to class Tuesday…and she did. She came in this morning to work just to give her resignation. I’m really, really happy for her. She’s been working so hard and has had some battles with classes and school admin crap…We had talked before the holidays about where she was with the program and her feeling like she should toss in the towel and call it a day…But she kept going. And now it’s paid off.

And really the timing couldn’t be more perfect. There’s stuff going on at work, that leaves everyone currently wondering how long we’ll actually still have a job- but I’m not going to get into that drama just yet (I’m bitter at the moment).

CC- I’m really, really happy you got into the program!! To say you’ve earned it is a mild understatement. I’m going to miss not seeing you daily, and running over to Starbucks in the morning with you. Not to mention you share the same love for a certain fictional character that I do. I’m happy I tainted your life with him!!

Here’s a gratuitous picture - just for you!!

CC- I'm going to miss you- but I know that we'll be in touch.

Déjà vu

When I first moved into my condo in Feb 2005- it was very quiet and filled with snowbirds. I seriously thing the only thing noisy in the whole complex was Jaeger and his barking (had I known dachsies were prone to the bark, I might have reconsidered adopting him and bringing him into the condo life). About a year later, I noticed the average age of residence dropping…not so many old and decrepit and snowbirds were unloading their units for a killer price in the fabulous market and younger people were snatching them up. Some units went to rent.

One night- the unit across from mine was having a bit of a ruckus going on, and I can hear some yelling. I go to the window of my guest room that’s in the front of the condo. Some guy is yelling and kicking the door of the neighboring condo, going on about how he knows “he’s in there” and he better come out and he knows he’s been with his girlfriend. The particular unit in question was empty and had been for sale for quite some time. The girlfriend is next to the yeller/kicker, crying saying that she didn’t cheat on him and no one lives next door. The drama ensues for a while, I’m waiting for some old blue hair to call the police, some other residents are yelling out their windows to the yeller/kicker to “shut up” which was very effective. Then the yeller/kicker decides to kick the window of the unit. I call the police, report a domestic disturbance, the coppers come. More crying comes from the girlfriend not knowing why anyone would call the police, the yeller/kicker is red hot and angry- still insistent that the cheater is in the condo and not coming out. It was some high end excitement.

Then a couple of weeks later in the middle of the night I hear “DAANNNNIIEEELLLLEE” “DAANNNIIIEEELLLLEEEE” “DAAAANNNIIIEEELLLLE”

Not again….

My room over looks the pool/greenbelt area of the complex…it’s very pretty, but very annoying when there are people having pool parties and bbqs late at night.

I look out the window and there are 2 younger guys walking around outside of the pool area screaming for Danielle. I couldn’t tell if it was the same yeller/kicker that I called the cops on previously- but after about 20 minutes of trying to lure DAAAANNNIIIIEEELLLEEEE, I don’t hear them anymore and go back to sleep.

Where’s the Déjà vu you ask? I’m getting there….

Last night around 1am I hear something along the lines of either “PUPPY” or “FLUFFY” being yelled but some guy around the pool area. Jaeger’s going berserk. The yelling and walking around goes on for about 30 minutes. I don’t know if Mr. Man found “PUPPY/FLUFFY”… but I had a total flashback to “DAAANNNNIIIIEEELLLLEEEE”.

All I know is that I’d rather he someone call for their missing pet at 1 in the morning, then 2 idiots looking for some girl.

Lordy, Lordy look who's four...

My poochie boy is four today... so to commemorate his glorious time with me... Here are a few pics of teeny tiny Jaeger, when I first got him. He's around the 8 week mark....


Look at that little face and the wrinkly legs...

And laying on Oma's lap...

Here we are a little older, begging for food at Oma's feet.

Sleeping in the little bed with his Eeyore.

Chilling outside- looking all stoic.

This one I took today from the phone- he's lounging waiting for Oma to give him his bologna.

Happy birthday my fat poochie boy!!!

Sad Realization

Went with Mom today to see Twilight, since she hasn't seen it yet.

Yes, it's my fifth time. Shut up.....

Hello, Edward.....I've missed you.....

After the movie was over- I asked her what she thought. She. Didn't. Like. It.

Um........ WHAT????

She wasn't a fan of the Kristen Stewart Bella's- said that she was too flat. And I agree, Bella was a little flat and seemed to miss some of her spark that she seemed to have in the book, but physically, she's a good match. And I asked her about Edward- the most redeeming part of the movie.

I mean- look at him......

She said he was good, but not good enough to make the movie or pay to see it multiple times in the theater.

Seriously?

I'm contemplating if we are even related at the moment....

However what's sad...is that there's no one else for me to see the movie with. My Twilight viewings are done until it's released on DVD... No more Edward for me.

Excuse me, I think I might cry now.....

***1-14-09 I was wrong- this wasn't my last time!! Skanky-Skanky had an Edward it that needed to be scratched!! So we went to see the movie again!! WOO-HOO!! Now I'm probably done with it, unless I can convince someone else to go...***