Talking to Hitler this morning at work. She wants to book a cruise in March and wanted to know when the parentals are going, and some other boring talk about future vacation planning. She tells me that with this next cruise her and Ava will have a status change from Gold to Silver. I asked her why it isn’t the other way around- from gold to silver. She doesn’t know. (She’s so useless sometimes).
Then I start singing….
Me: “Silver and gold- silver and gold- how do you measure its worth- simply by the pleasure it brings here on earth”
Hitler: …
Me: QUICK!!! Name that movie!!
Hitler: Why do I have to play this game??
Me: Because I said so. And you’ll get bonus points if you know who sings it too!!
Hitler: (thinking hard)…it’s not a movie, it’s a tv show.
Me: It’s a made for TV Movie- technicalities. Name the show!!
Hitler: OH!!!! IT’S RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED RE-NANE-DEER!!!
Me: Re-nane-deer??? Who sings it? Did you really just say re-nane-deer??
Hitler: I don’t know the elf? And shut up.
Me: It was Cornelius something- the guy who mines the silver and gold, and tries to kill the bumble snowman. Re-nana-deer though?? Really??
Hitler: Whatever, re-nane-deer. I have to go, I’m busy at work.
Me: Yes soooo busy, planning a vacation AT WORK. Re-nana-deer.
There are many words Hitler screws up, which brings endless enjoyment to me. Primarily because it’s funny, and secondly she’s “the smart one” so when she screws up on pronunciations it makes me feel better.
Three words that bring me endless joy: colander, epitome, preface.
*****
The Colander Story:
Walking in Wal-Mart and Hitler is moving into her first apartment and looks down and sees a colander.
H: OH!! A coe-land-er!! I need one of those.
M: What the fuck is a coe-land-er?? (I look at the object in her hand) OH! A colander.
H: No it’s a coe-land-er not cah-lahn-der.
M: No it’s cah-lahn-der not coe-land-er you idiot.
I still make fun of the colander business that when I actually say the word I have to really think is it “coe-land-er” or “cah-lahn-der”.
*****
The Epitome Story:
We are in college, and it’s a weekend that I’m home, I’m working a paper in my sculpture class.
M: Hey, Hitler, can you proof-read my sculpture paper.
H: Sure… (reading, reading, reading)… What the hell does “epp-ih-toe-m” mean? Why can’t you use normal words?M: What the hell are you talking about?? (read, read, read) It’s not “epp-ih-toe-m” you jackass. It ‘ih-pit-o-me’. Don’t you know English?
H: I’ve never used the word epitome, let alone spell it.
M: You’re supposed to be the smart one.
****
The Preface story:
Driving in the car with Hitler, I ask her about the movie Skeleton Key.
H: Well the pre-face of the story is….
M: Wait, “pre-face”?? Don’t you mean “preh-fiss”?
H: “Pre-face” “preh-fiss” whatever. It’s all the same. Anyways…
M: No, it’s not the same. One’s a word, one is not.
*****
There are more instances of the mispronunciations, but these are the ones I tease about the most…and I’m adding re-nane-deer to the list.
This just goes to prove that it doesn't matter that one might have been in the nation honor society starting her sophomore year in high school (while her sibling didn't get in until her senior year)....or that one might study for hours upon hours to get A's and have a higher GPA. You can still be a jack ass.
Rock out, epitomized, prefaced by a colander, with a reindeer.
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