Death by Chex Mix

I unknowingly almost killed myself. Damn chex mix.

I was making my lunch (which for some reason is like the kiss of death, right along with mowing the lawn, dusting, and oil changes) and saw my box of chex mix that I bought from my last trip to Costco, and toss in a bag.

When I go to eat my glorious lunch (I never would have thought I’d still be lunching on PB&J at 29…I thought my lunches would be more glamorous, but they are not, because it’s like a kiss of death to put a lunch together, and I’m too cheap to eat out everyday), and I open up the mix, I’m assaulted by the smell of plastic wafting in my face. I thought it was odd, the plastic smell. I chalked it up to the whole A/C issue and irregular temps and it making the bag funky, the mix should be fine though. Right? Right…. WRONG!!!

I munch on some mix and think “this doesn’t taste right”…more mix munching….”yeah, this really doesn’t taste right”…. Then the lips get this odd numbing/tingling feeling, as does my mouth. Is my mix poisoned???? I believe it is. The combination of the plastic smell and off taste (which is slightly plastic as well) is now making me nauseous and I’m feeling slight asphyxiated. GROOVY. I wonder if Chex Mix goes bad. I look at the date. And sure enough, it’s expired…IN JULY TWO THOUSAND-FUCKING-SEVEN!!!!!!! TWO YEARS AGO!!!!!

When was I last at Costco to make said purchase?? Has it really been that long…And I think it was in 2006 or 2005 when I was last there. HOLY CRAP…

TINGLE

NUMB

ASPHYSIATION

It continues….I’m getting a headache and light headed.

I’m going to die from eating fucking chex mix that is over 2 years old. HOLY SHIT.

I get water and start drinking as much as possible to flush the toxins out of my system. Within 30 minutes, I’m feeling better.

Fucking Chex Mix.

And fuck me for keeping food for YEARS and not touching it!!!

Needless to say, I dumped the large box of Chex Mix when I got home.

Good times.

Go me.

A little aside that has nothing to do with Chex Mix. Doing a conference call today with Meanie, SuperJ, CwJ, myself and Tourettes (who’s in India)…at the end of the call, this super annoying (to me at least) person wants to talk to SuperJ about some contact crap. All of a sudden the line goes quiet… SuperJ is all “Hello? Hello? Hello???” And the idiot chimes in… “Oh sorry I had a large piece of meat in my mouth, and I was having a hard time swallowing it…” she says goodbye shortly after that. The room BUSTS OUT LAUGHING. Some people should really think before they speak.

Rock out, with your large expired meaty cock out.