The medicinal qualities of McDonalds

I have hinted in a couple of other posts (here and here) about how great McD’s is for a hang over. It was wise words from my mother. She’s a smart lady. After one of my first times getting annihilated by the alcohol, she advised that a burger, fries, and a coke from McD would cure me, and if it was still breakfast time hashbrowns would work as a nice substitute. Nothing proves the great powers that McD’s has more then the story of day after my 21st birthday.

Please….lets step back in time…

I had turned 21 during the week and planned a fun all night binge at my parents’ house. Seeing that not everyone in the group was 21, we couldn’t go out at a group to the bars and it’s cheaper/easier to drink at home. It wasn’t a big to-do only a couple of friends could partake (Ms M, Tuschka, REG, and Bob) the sibs where there (naturally) and the parentals hid away for most of the evening. We consumed copious amounts of liquor- bottle of Goldschlager, Jose, Zima (HAHA!) topped with puckers (in lieu of jolly ranchers), beer, god knows what else. I just remember shots and the Zima being the main bevs of choice for me. Tuschka was playing the role as sober friend while we were all wasting away in alcohol induced bliss. I don’t remember much of the evening- other than playing patty cake with REG; tripping on the floor a couple of times; Ms M going to the bathroom, walked out about 2 steps and went right back in; saying good night to Ms M and REG and knocking my head so hard on theirs I’m surprised neither of us got a concussion. The best memory would be Tuschka putting me to bed and in the distance I hear “tick,tick,tick”. I grabbed my pants, stumbled down the hall to the kitchen, peak my head around the corner and ‘whisper’ “Tuschka….there’s a BOMB we gotta get out of here. I got my pants!” still hiding behind the wall, I show her the pants…the look of shock on uptight Bob’s face- priceless. Tuschka tells me there’s no bomb, she hit the stove and it ticked. She directs me back to bed. I sleep.

Hours later I wake… and head back downstairs where all my homies (or is it homeys?) are at.

Everyone is up- we all express feelings of nausea. Also we all thing my house smells like ass. I yell up to my mom (who’s all into homeopathic/aromatherapy stuff) and ask her what the hell she’s burning in the diffuser. She shouts back that it’s fennel, a detoxifier, it will help us feel better after all the drinking, it will cleanse us. I tell her it smells like ass and to stop burning the fennel. Instead she opts to cut it with lavender- so now the house smells like flowery ass. We are dying downstairs with the smell- I kill the diffuser- and we begin to pray for some sort of salvation to save us from the odor and the mounting nausea. Queue my father- he asks how we are doing. I tell him we need McD’s in order to feel more human. He said he’ll make a run for us and asks what we want. I reply hashbrowns, lots and lots of hashbrowns- coke- oh and some biscuits. Dad leaves and what feels like an eternity he returns with 60 hashbrowns and bags of biscuits and various other goodies and cokes. He said he had to wait on the hashbrowns because they didn’t have enough made and the kid didn’t believe him that he needed 60 hashbrowns (he figured 10 for each of us and some spares just incase). We scarf and slurp… relief is instantaneous. THANK YOU MCD’S!!!

Tuschka and I still laugh about:

“Remember when your/my dad got us 60 hashbrowns from McD’s after your/my birthday”

“What was up with the fennel ass crap your/my mom was burning??” (hell after the festivities, the friends refused to drink at my house if mom was going to burn the fennel or any other scent to cleanse us)

“Tuschka….. I think there’s a BOMB!!! And I got my pants!"

Ms M and I laugh about her going to the bathroom, coming out of the bathroom, to turn around and go back in. She was trying to be all on the DL with the vomiting. (She has a theory that if she pukes before sleep she’ll have a decreased hangover or none at all.) And the head clonk when I had to say goodnight to everyone.

Ahhhhh………youth, and the powers of McD’s. It’s magical!!