Bitch

Friday night, in lieu of seeing Twilight with Hitler (as she promised) we went over to her BFF's house for some beverage consumption as her hubby was out of town and the kid was in bed. It was a fun evening...almost as fun as seeing Edward for 2 hours...almost.

Hello, Edward.....

Sorry about that- I couldn't help myself.

Anyways...

Over at the BFF's we consumed some wine had some yummy desserts and Rotel dip. Hitler and I stopped at the store to get a bottle and I found the perfect bottle that must have made with Hitler in mind....

I had to get based on principle alone. And let me tell you it was quite tasty.

As the night progressed we reminisced about growing up (Hitler's BFF grew up around the corner from us in IL and now lives a mile away from Hitler in AZ) and other fun times that involved alcohol- primarily Hitler drunk.

Memory #1- The BFF's Wedding. Hitler was the MOH, and became highly inebriated at the reception. She claims it was the champagne in the limo that cursed her- not the many glasses of wine that she consumed prior, during, and after dinner. When it came time to give the lovely speeches, Hitler was literally at a loss for words. All she could muster was that she has known the BFF for a long time (since the 6th grade) and that "I love you guys"...to which the tears started to flow, she hugs BFF and the hubby, and just repeats over and over that she loves them. It was very eloquent. She also managed to break 3 wine glasses through the course of dinner. The head waiter was getting very agitated by the drunkenness. I just remember looking at Ava at the dinner while Hitler was acting a drunken fool and said "just think- you get to take that back to the hotel...lucky you".

Later on in the evening we watched BFF's wedding video to watch the speech, a dancing drunk Hitler, and the personal message that Hitler had for the happy couple at the end of the video. She's outside with Ava, cigarette in hand, pink bra strap falling off the shoulder, holding the mic saying that she loves BFF and Hubby so much- then throws Ava under the bus with "And Ava has something he wants to say to you too..." Ava looks shocked and rambles on about congrats and what not, while Hitler is looking very stoic into the camera. When she feels Ava has said enough she talks more about the love she has and tries not to cry.

It was special.

Memory #2- My Annual Summer BBQ. In college every summer I hosted a BBQ- a mingling of college friends and home friends... The BBQ that occurred between sophomore and junior year was extra special. Hitler had just broken up with her boyfriend, Asshole, and the end of the school year, and decided late in the evening to make a drunken doctrine. She announced to the party (while standing on the 2nd floor deck, looking down at everyone)... That "if after 5 years with someone, and you don't have a ring, dump the fucker." She felt the need to repeat this over and over. What was so special about this moment is that Weeny was there- just newly dating who would be her Mr. (after 8 years of dating/cohabiting...she obviously didn't take Hitler's advice)... and Mr. Weeny was looking kind of nervous about all the drunken preaching going on. Hitler did have a slight man-hating vibe. The other gentlemen at the party was equally as nervous. Ms. M was also in attendance and actually took Hitler's words to heart (she was dating her future Mr. for almost 3 yrs at that point... and when it was approaching the 5th year she said to me that she and the Mr. had to figure out where their relationship was going, because she remembers Hitler's speech about 5 years, no ring, dump the fucker. All I could think was of all the things my sister has said- you are going to follow her drunken advice about dating time limits??? Ms. M and I still reference that moment...). Hitler also decided, as the evening progressed, the she needed a little something extra (wink wink) and took Tuschka with her on a pot run. The run consisted of going next door and hitting up our neighbor. Hitler was too drunk to really walk alone...which is why Tuschka needed to assist...poor Tuschka. After they left the yard through the side gate, my parents pull into the driveway. Hitler with her brute force, pushes Tuschka into the bushes, telling her to hit the deck and that "my parents are home, they are going to know that I'm drunk and I want pot..." But Mom and Dad park the car and go inside- never realizing that Hitler and Tuschka were even there. Tushcka proceeds to assist Hitler in walking next door to get the stuff. They return moments later... Hitler was yammering on about the close parental encounter....Tuschka is saying that Hitler is a drunken fool... It was a very fun evening... that BBQ...

It was great reliving those precious memories- Hitler was tears from laughing so hard. The BFF and I are laughing as well...Hitler can be pretty fun when she drinks, and loses a lot of her Hitler tendencies.

I got a call Saturday morning from Hitler. She tells me that she's hung over and made Ava go to McD's for some soothing hang over food. (There is a story behind McD's and drinking, which I will have to share next time) She's out of her game, that Hitler. She used to have a liver of steel. Now a couple bottles of wine and one beer, and she's puking.

Lessons from this post:

1. Bitch wine- made for Hitler, and it's yummy

2. Drunken MOH speeches- not good

3. If after 5 years with someone and you don't have a ring, dump the fucker.

Rock Out....