Joke #1
I emailed Tuschka 3 times after she left work, texted her late at night, and then emailed her with a "TUSCHKA!!!!!!!!!!!!! What are you doing??????" the next day at work since I never got any response. Who cares that she might have been working or sleeping or otherwise occupied when I was bugging her. I needed attention. I get a reply back "my god, you are like a stalker!!” I respond with, "I like stalking it shows dedication." The Tuschka was so taken by my wisdom that she made it her facebook tagline.
Joke #2 and 3
Chatting with Skank about LLS (licky lips, because she licks her lips.... a lot and it's disgusting) who Skank carpools with. LLS has changed up her hair to be the natural curly instead of styling it into smooth curls...picture and old white lady with a short Jheri curl, and it's a little crispy at the top from whatever product she uses.
Skank said to me that on the way up, looking in the mirrored elevator doors, LLS is primping her curl and made a comment about how she's going to be frizzy because she forgot her frizz-eez.
Skank: Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear
Me: Fuzzy wuzzy had shitty hair.
Laughter and tears ensue.
Late in the day, Skank says that her and LLS have to leave early today. I ask when, she said that she didn't know and would email her. So I made a mock email:
Dear Fuzzy Wuzzy Shitty Hair-
What time should I expect you to shuffle over and say 'reeeeeeeaaaaaaaaady' today?
Thanks-
Skank
Within seconds of hitting send, my phone rings. All I have on the other side is Skank, laughing. This might be funnier if you knew that LLS doesn't walk she shuffles, and when she talks, she talks like a baby and elongate her words. It's annoying.
Joke #4
Going to the IHOP with Oma for dinner. I park next to a Cadillac.
Oma: Oh my, what for a big car is that? It looks fancy too!
Me: It's a Cadillac
Oma: Oh my, how fancy. What is someone rich with a Cadillac doing at IHOP?
Me: Oma, it's an old person. Old people like Cadillacs and cheap food.
Oma laughs....Oma doesn't laugh at much.
Joke #5
Last week, before I knew I was going to be on a comedic streak, I was talking to Oma Sunday morning. She asked me what time it was, I replied 8:56.
Oma: I know, I have to go I don’t want to be late for church
**we watch the mass on TV**
Me: Yes, Oma, you better hurry up. God doesn’t like it if you are late.
Which then prompts a colorful rant from my uncle about making the Mass watching situation worse, and I’m not helping by saying that to her. I thought it was funny. I laughed.
Rock out, comedic.
No comments:
Post a Comment