Everything I Needed to Know About Women, I Learned from Reading Twilight by Jim Lee, Ph.D.
I thought this would be a funny and interesting read, taking a man’s perspective on the Twilight, and why the female population loves it so much. There was a little break down of the 7 rules/items/tidbits that a guy should understand.
1) A woman wants a man to look at her
2) A woman wants a vampire in shining armor
3) A woman wants a man who will listen to her
4) A woman will doubt her man
5) A woman will doubt herself more
6) A woman wants a man to touch her
7) A woman wants a love that lasts forever.
The book is laid out as a series of sessions between the doc and Garrett, who’s having relationship problems with his wife Candace. Candace is all wrapped up in Twilight and tells Garrett that he will never lover her the way the characters in the book love each other. So he mentions this in therapy, and the doc gives him Twilight to read. When Garrett returns, they discuss the book and what happens in this love story that he can learn from it and put it into play with his marriage.
Some of the things make sense, and I totally agree with it.
Rule #1- who doesn’t want their loved one to look at them adoringly, lovingly, approvingly?? It’s that nonphysical communication of love…that connection on a deeper level.
A vampire in shining armor?? Essentially, women want to be independent and don’t want rescuing, but like knowing that if we need it, our partner will be there. I totally agree with that. I’m very “I am woman hear me roar” but the concept that if I need someone to swoop in and save the day, they will, sounds kind of nice.
Listening. Who doesn’t want someone to listen to them…really hear them, know them.
Doubting your man and doubting yourself. Essentially, there will be always be a sense of doubt that a woman will have in her partner. The doc related this to historical evidence of men being more violent/territorial and some crap, but the presence of his partner will make him fight off primal urges and be a better man. It’s those primal urges that lead the woman doubting her man. Our self doubt, however, can negatively impact relationships, because we can transfer our doubts to our partners, and need some affirmations to keep the doubts at bay. I get that…not quiet so a-ha, but it makes sense.
Touching…more importantly, nonsexual touching. This goes along with the looking and the listening. Don’t touch me because you want to jump me, and then we do the deed, and you stop touching me…then you are frisky and start touching me again. This touching should be given without the hopes of the other partner getting lucky.
So far, I’m still on board…I’m getting it.
Eternal love- who doesn’t want a love that will last forever?? What symbolizes eternal love? According to the doc, it is represented in the books by Bella and Edward having Renesmee. A child is proof of never ending love. This is where things get tricky for Garrett and Candace: she wants kids, he doesn’t. Then shocker, of shockers, Candace has an emergency hysterectomy, so now all this work that Garrett has done to get their marriage back on the right track is really shot to hell. And he realizes after the surgery that even though he tells Candace he’ll love her forever, that them having a family is the physical representation of their forever love, and wants to have a family. How does he tell his newly infertile wife that without really killing her, and more importantly without her killing him?? A couples session…
First, a little digression. I don’t know if I fully believe that a child is what represents eternal love. I don’t think there has to be a physical representation of never ending love, but I understand that that is what children would represent. So, I’m not totally on board with the notion there…I get it, but don’t exactly agree with it.
Now, this is where the entire story goes to the shitter.
Couples therapy. Doc informs Candace of the work he and Garrett have been doing together. He prompts Garrett to tell Candace how much he loves her. He does. And the doc then says that there’s another way to achieve eternal love. He goes to the window and opens the blinds, so the light can hit his skin. AND THE BOOK ENDS!!! But there’s a little snippet after. The doc reveals that he’s been hiding things from the reader… like his cool marble skin, that reflect a spectrum of colors when in the sunlight, hunting habits in a wooded area, lack of sleep….Essentially. He’s a fucking vampire. He felt bad for Candace and Garrett and offers them immortality. He goes on to say that he has helped many couples, but this one particularly touched him, hence his offer, which he eludes they took.
When I finished this hunk of junk, I was pissed. The writing is set up more like fiction then nonfiction, and I thought there was a catch. But I didn’t expect the catch to be his being a vampire. I felt totally duped. Sure he made valid points, but he’s still an asshole. I want my money back from Amazon….I don’t care that it was only $6…
Rock out, like a schmuck.
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