The (non) Licker- a story for Skank

This is Skanky-Skank's favorite story. Her perception of the story usually aggravates me...but she thinks it's halirious regardless. So, my Skank-o-licious, this one's for you...

About 4 years ago for Skank and Donger's anniversary a group of us went out for celebration. We started at one club/bar that (unbeknownst to us) was 18 and over. The whole crowd was a little young, minus the chester's out to get fresh slutty meat. We promptly left after we got there. Next place on the list...Graham's Central Station. A fun little multi-themed bar/club (4 rooms/themes- Country, R&B, 80's (!!!!!!), and Karaoke) that serves cheap drinks and has a slight dub-t undertone, but you can go have fun and it's not a snobfest like a "Scottsdale" bar.

The group of us arrive- we kinda do a little walk around before settling into the 80's room. Not more than 2 seconds of walking in the room- I hear "Do you want to dance?" I look around assuming it's not me being asked- but I'm face to torso of this random guy... I stumble "no thank you- just got here with a group of friends" he doesn't budge...and Brown Sugar (mutual co-worker and friend of Skank and myself) says "Oh- go dance with him..." So I dance with guy... for a couple of songs. It was a very odd experience. One thing the guy (who was later dubbed Al Gore's younger brother) was doing, while pressing me firmly to him, was what I can only compare to steamrolling the side of my boob while we danced. Let me tell you that was almost a turn on. As the songs continued, he pushed my hair from the side of my neck, and rested his head, all hunched over) almost in the crook of my neck.

First, allow my to digress a smidge. I have neck sensory issues. Don't like things on, around, touching, hovering, being near, etc. etc. etc. my neck. This can range from something as light and simple as a necklace, to a shirt collar, to my hair getting long and just sitting in the crook. The only thing I can tolerate around my neck is when I'm holding a baby and hang their head there. Everything else, drives me CRAZY!!!!

Secondly, this is Skank's favorite part....

Back to the story...

So AGYB is starting to hover around my ear/neck area, steamrolling the boob... and I see out of the corner of my eye, Skank and Brown Sugar running around the perimeter of the dance floor. I'm perplexed as to what the hell they are doing, but I'm also just trying to ignore this guy by my neck. Then all of a sudden, he slides his head a little bit lower and starts this heavy breathing panting thing in my ear. I'm thinking to myself "WHAT THE FUCK???"... now my experience may be minimal- but heavy breathing and steamrolling really can't be any sort of mating call for any one, can it?? Seriously. It's like I'm in a fucking wind tunnel. Steamrolling, wind tunnel...wind tunnel, steamrolling... Yeah, not getting all hot and bothered over here. And this goes on, for what seems like for forever.

Skank and Brown Sugar eventually approach me and Wind tunneling-Steamrolling AGYB.... Brown Sugar asks if I want a drink- and I say PLEASE as I break away from this guy. As i turn around to accept the beverage- AGYB takes this as a sign for butt-to-crotch dance time. I didn't know that turning around was a sign for new dance move...I saw it as- "please leave me alone....my back it towards you for a reason".... After 2 more songs (and 5 beverages later from Brown Sugar)... AGYB eventually leaves the 3 of us- it also might have had something to do with the approach of Donger to the group too- I'm not sure.

Skank: OH MY GOD!!! He was all over you!!!
Brown Sugar: GIRL!!!
Skank: I can't believe you were letting him LICK you!!!
Me: Trust me, he was not licking. It was heavy breathing- I was in a fucking wind tunnel
Skank: You were being licked
Brown Sugar: I think you were being licked too. Look we took pictures!!

They whip out their phones- and sure enough, there's pictures of me and AGYB from various angles on the dance floor, and he's all up in my neck.

Donger: I told you two to not take pictures and save her. (thank you Donger, for thinking about me when you darling wife was being amused and not helping me out)
Me: I can't take believe you took pictures!!!
Skank: I can't believe you were being licked...
Me: I WAS NOT BEING LICKED!!!!

So the rest of the night we danced, Skank is telling the rest of our group about the licking incident that wasn't, and I drank...

Monday at work... Brown Sugar and I are closers, so we don't get in until 8- we are the last ones to get in... And I see all these eyes on me. Kat (one of the older ladies on the team) said my name loudly in this flabbergasted tone... I'm all "what??".... The rest of the girls/ladies are asking if I had a good weekend. I'm perplexed. I turn on my computer, and what's on my email... Pictures of me and AGYB wind tunneling me.

OH
MY
FUCKING
GOD!!!!!

SKANK!!!!!!!!!!!! She's just laughing. I can't believe she emailed the pics to the team!! HOLY SHIT!!! One of the girls on the team was my (whore) roommate for a couple of months, and we were still living together at the time of the incident.... And she said something along the lines of "that is totally disgusting I can't believe you let some guy lick you". Meanwhile the previous weekend I heard about her pulling a chain at another party when she drunk off her ass, which is okay- but the possibility of my being licked is "disgusting"...whatever. I was a little, um perturbed, lets say.... about the pictures, ready to beat the hell out of the (whore) roommate, Skank's insistence on the whole licking business.

Years later Skank's still telling the story to any new soul. Hell, when I met her sister 2 years ago, when she was in from England she asked if I was the one that got licked. She said something about at the new jobbie-job to one of the up-tight super Christian girls on the team. She tells anyone she can. Hitler found out about it last year. She couldn't believe I never said anything to her. There was nothing really to tell.

Skank is still persistent and instant that I was being licked.... I try to explain, and plead with her to understand that I was not being licked, but wind tunneled.

Good times.