Oma, and I quote...

I've been spending the week with Oma. She always makes very interesting statements, and I thought I'd share....


1. I'm reading such a nice story. This girl gets raped by a farm boy........

2. (while watching the AMA's) This is why women get raped. Look at the whores and how they are dressed.

3. (the AMA's again) Such a schreierie, I feel sorry for the world today.

4. Kami (the dog) that schwanz of yours is going to kill me.

5. (while watching DWTS, and talking about Warren Sapp) He's like a big black teddy bear. I could just squeeze him.

6. (DWTS again) That old guy doesn't like my teddy bear, why is he so mean?

7. (Watching Wheel of Fortune) Pat Sajak doesn't like it when people win on the show. Look at his face. You'd think he was giving away his own money. He's happy when they lose.

8. L, will you please open another bottle of merlot (pronounced MER-lot, not MER-low)

9. L, will you please open a bottle of zinfandel (pronounced zin-FAHN-doll....and yes we like our wine)

10. (at dinner) L, you are too big. You need to exercise. Here, have more potatoes.

11. Kami, stop hitting me with your schwanz.

12. I'm not ready for the holiday. I was hoping I would have died already.

13. The week is over and I'm still not dead yet. (we've been waiting to die since I was 15, and at the rate she's going, she's going to outlive my 15 month old nephew)

14. I won't do a direct quote, but let me tell you, I've known more about this woman's poop for the last 20 years then I have ever known about my own. This week has been filled with lots of poop talk. Yippee Skippy.

15. I was watching the Regis Philbis show...... (and she means Philbin)

16. He's new wife is so nice, and she's Jewish too. But a nice Jew.


Stay tuned Folks, it's only Wednesday and I'm here until Saturday. I love her, but sometimes I think I need a Xanax.